How did dating work for polygamist?

[_neworder]

I have a question on how dating worked for Polygamist back in the early Utah days.

Would a man who was a practicing polygamist, or someone who thought about living the "principle", go out on dates? It seems that during the time of plural marriage in the LDS church that a man would only be going over the line if he had "sexual relations" with a woman that he was not yet married to. He would be allowed to flirt, court, and all the other stuff that goes along before one gets married.

I can't imagine how hard it would have been for the women knowing that your husbands eyes and thoughts were always open to prospects and you were only suppose to have eyes for him. It must of been hard hearing "I will be going out with Sister Rawlings on Friday night to see if there is a connection between us. I should be home by Midnight".

[_Blixa]

I don't think "dating" in the modern sense was much practiced in 19th C Utah. People met and knew each other through neighborhood or church activities. In some cases, a young man might "court" a young woman, but I think in the case of an older man who already had several wives, he might see someone who peaked his interest and inquire of her parents, if she were young, or merely ask her himself. And in some cases people were more or less assigned to each other.

[_barrelomonkeys]

I have a question on how dating worked for Polygamist back in the early Utah days.

Would a man who was a practicing polygamist, or someone who thought about living the "principle", go out on dates? It seems that during the time of plural marriage in the LDS church that a man would only be going over the line if he had "sexual relations" with a woman that he was not yet married to. He would be allowed to flirt, court, and all the other stuff that goes along before one gets married.

I can't imagine how hard it would have been for the women knowing that your husbands eyes and thoughts were always open to prospects and you were only suppose to have eyes for him. It must of been hard hearing "I will be going out with Sister Rawlings on Friday night to see if there is a connection between us. I should be home by Midnight".

Oh my goodness! I can't count the number of times I've thought about this question. For me, as a woman, that would be the hardest part in having my husband on the lookout for his next partner. I would really like to know the answer to this.

[_barrelomonkeys]

I don't think "dating" in the modern sense was much practiced in 19th C Utah. People met and knew each other through neighborhood or church activities. In some cases, a young man might "court" a young woman, but I think in the case of an older man who already had several wives, he might see someone who peaked his interest and inquire of her parents, if she were young, or merely ask her himself. And in some cases people were more or less assigned to each other.

Blixa, did the other wives have any say so as to who the next wife would be? I've seen that mentioned on MAD that the new wife would have to be run past the other wife/wives.

[_Blixa]

First, I have no special knowledge of this area of Utah/Mormon history. For some reason polygamy has never interested me all that much, unlike other aspects of that era.

I think some women did, some didn't, depending on their husband. It was purely his perogative of course and the worst they could do is make it hell for the new wife and hope she left (which I'm sure happened).

It shouldn't be too hard to come up with some documentation of the process...

[_Blixa]

By the way, there is at least one contemporary fundamentalist Mormon group who hold that polygamy is purely the decision of the woman/wife. No man can intiate it himself, a woman has to have testimony of it and propose it to him.

[Shadrak]

I used to wonder about this when I was active in church. Knowing that if polygamy returned a husband would have been checking out the Beehives, MiaMaids and Laurels for his next victim.

[_Blixa]

Here's something of interest. Rachel Lee, one of John D. Lee's wives wrote a summary of a sermon stake president Isaac Haight preached on February 15, 1857:

"He then explained how the marriage relations aught to be entered into legally, thus. --- any man (good) that is worthy --- has to go and aske the Parents of the woman first also his Prest, then aske the girl or woman herself Again if a man Desires a 2nd or third wife he must first get permission from Prest Brigham Young then proceed and ask the Parents, and then the woman herself, thus is the legal way and only honourable way And again said he thare is no woman having received her Endowments can marry a man that has not received his Endowments; But a man that has received Endowments may marry a woman that has not recieved her Endowments, thus the matter was plainly set forth --- he also said that the Gentile custom of Sparkification was done away so that the passions may not be aroused and undue advantage taken of the chastity of the Daughters of Zion by these pernicious habits &c."

So no Sparking, i.e., dating.

Whether or not this was followed in practice in all cases is another matter. However, clearly one had to have BY's permission or it was no go for further wives. At this point the only temple in the state was in St. George, although there was an "Endowment House" on the (now) grounds of Temple Square. I don't know if marriages were performed there or not.

[_truth dancer]

Hi Seven...

used to wonder about this when I was active in church. Knowing that if polygamy returned a husband would have been checking out the Beehives, MiaMaids and Laurels for his next victim.

I think the teachings of Jesus were quite clear... he that looketh upon another woman hath already committed adultery in his heart.

Yet you had all these LDS men looking around, checking out girls and women, looking for who they could get.

I guess Jesus was just sharing his opinion. ;-)

~dancer~

[_KimberlyAnn]

I imagine polygamists out on big group dates, you know, the kind Mormon kids are supposed to go on when they turn sixteen. One guy and a bunch of gals out playing mini-golf or maybe attending a Stake Dance where the wives and the possible future sister-wife to be are out dancing together in the center of the room while hubby hangs out at the refreshment table, eating cookies and drinking red kool-aid.

Sounds fun, huh? :P

KA