I am considering going back to church

[_Inconceivable]

There is a board call "New Order Mormons". I belonged to it for a very short time last year:

http://www.aimoo.com/forum/categories.c ... ryID=32874

It is a group that believes that they can be in the church but not of the church. Many still attend for the reasons you are feeling so there may be a support base there for you.

I didn't really get along very well there because so many threads revolved around hiding their disaffection from leaders and other TBMs (including in some cases, their spouses). I could not live giving the impression that I was something I was not, however, there are a few there that share the same standards of honesty that I do.

[_Seven]

Seven, I'll be keeping you in my thoughts as well. Pray on it, and do what you feel is right in your heart. It's a terribly difficult decision to make, and your kin are being insensitive in their implications about you. But kin can do that sometimes, they don't realize what they are doing, they think it "tough love".

Mok is a good teacher on how to deal with the things that you cannot abide with in the church, he helped me during my difficult times.

I do have one suggestion, though. Perhaps it might help (and it might do just the opposite, but in the end I think it would do good once you finally left if that is what you ultimately decide to do) if you do not limit your spiritual quest solely to the church. Attend another church some sundays, perhaps go to church with fam every other sunday, and on off sundays go to another church if you wish, or stay home. Read up on other faiths, do something that feeds you spiritually, that's very important, because if you're just going through the motions, and you do not feel that you're being taken care of, then you'll just suffer. If it's a meditation practice, another Christian faith, a Buddhist practice, whatever, take part in it. But give that gift to yourself as a reward for putting up with what you have to.

Thoughts?

Thank you GIMR. This has been that one step I have never taken. I came really close to attending an EV church nearby but chickened out. I have never been to another church before, so it's a little scary. I worry that it will be confusing to my children and the community who believe I am LDS still. My kids are getting to that age where they want to know why I am not going to church with Daddy and them. It's been tough to answer. I usually say "Mommy is sick" because I really am sick inside when I think about Joseph Smith and going back.

[_Seven]

“To thine own self be true.” William Shakespeare

You cannot please everyone no matter what you do or what decisions you make. The advice to Laertes 400 years ago is relevant to your situation.

The text:

“Yet here, Laertes! Aboard, aboard for shame! The wind sits in the shoulder of your sail, And you are stay'd for. There ... my blessing with thee! And these few precepts in thy memory Look thou character. Give thy thoughts no tongue, Nor any unproportion'd thought his act. Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.

Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried, Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel; But do not dull thy palm with entertainment Of each new-hatch'd, unfledg’d comrade. Beware Of entrance to a quarrel but, being in, Bear't that th' opposed may beware of thee. Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice; Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgement.

Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy, But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy; For the apparel oft proclaims the man; And they in France of the best rank and station Are of a most select and generous chief in that. Neither a borrower, nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend, And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry. This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man. Farewell; my blessing season this in thee!” William Shakespeare

JAK

I hear ya. Thank you for your comments. They really hit home to the conflict I am in.
I am torn in how to be true to myself, but a part of my family. I am so disconnected from them now. Raising our children in LDS culture is immersing their entire life in the doctirines and teachings. How do I teach them LDS beliefs without some form of dishonesty on my part?

One thing that does help is I don't have all the answers. I can raise them to be Christians but I don't want them to be raised TBMs who revere the Prophets as almost equal to Jesus. The Mormon church can be the vehicle but I am the driver.

[_Seven]

Seven,

I'm in an equally distressing position at this time and it's pretty tough.

Regardless whether you begin to attend church, those that suspect you of being a wolf in sheep's clothing have no reason to change their opinion of you. Concentrate on those friends that accept you for the good in you. Personally, I believe integrity matters, and without it you will be unhappy.

Great point. I fear I will always be the wolf to my husbands family-I am tainted now. Most of my friends from the Ward know why I left (church history, namely polygamy) so they will always wonder if I am a danger to their testimony by talking with me. I know some of them sincerely want me to return to the fold though and know my true character.

The last time I attended church was the week after my son's homecoming in April. I have spoken of my disolusionment to the EQ president (who is my familys hometeacher), the bishop and stake president. I gave my recommend back to the SP about a year ago. They have avoided me for about 8 months now. They just don't know what to do. They are confounded. This is all new to each of them - disaffection void of unrighteousness. I am the same, I just don't believe the lie.

Exactly. They had no idea what to do or how to approach this with me either.

I will never go back. I cannot. I will not.

I felt this very strongly in the beginning. Now that it's been a few years, I can't see a way I can continue in this family (in laws ) without going back. My entire identity was connected with the Mormon church. As soon as I severed that, I became a bad person in their eyes. They can't see that I am the same "good girl" that they loved before.

It has been dreadfully difficult on my family and marriage.

I am sorry to hear you are going through this too.
I wish the best for you and you are in my thoughts.

[_auteur55]

Sorry I just signed up for the boards.

Didn't mean to go off topic or start an argument. I was attacked before I even set my feet down.

Forgive me Seven.

[_Inconceivable]

The last time I attended church was the week after my son's homecoming in April. I have spoken of my disolusionment to the EQ president (who is my familys hometeacher), the bishop and stake president. I gave my recommend back to the SP about a year ago. They have avoided me for about 8 months now. They just don't know what to do. They are confounded. This is all new to each of them - disaffection void of unrighteousness. I am the same, I just don't believe the lie.

Exactly. They had no idea what to do or how to approach this with me either.

It appeared that this was a phenomena they had never been aware of or even conceived possible. Although I am aware of 2 other disaffected in my families ward over the past 5 months.

I suppose that a time will come when they will come up with some kind of standardized policy. There are just a great deal of blank looks for now. It's just not something that the hiarchy of the church would feel comfortable putting in the Handbook of Instructions at this point. Many of us have become "dry Mormons" once again.

..and for no appearant reason to those that have not asked the questions that started us on this journey in the first place.

(yak, I need to use the preview button. Welcome, Auteur55)

[_Yoda]

If you do feel religious, then spiritual communion can be found at most any Church. Look for that and not let the back story deny you this communion.

The Prize is your Family and your eyes need to be on the prize.

These are wise words from the penguin!

;)

PP, Merc, and Plutarch have all openly called me a hypocrite on this board. I'm sure there are others who feel the same way.

I don't believe in all of the Church teachings, and I do have a problem with the plural marriage doctrine.

But I do believe in Jesus Christ. And I enjoy worshiping and singing praises to him. Whether I do this at a Mormon Church or another Church, I honestly don't think matters to Him.

My husband knows of my feelings regarding certain Church doctrine and is supportive of my position. Our situation is similar to yours. We have extensive extended family on both sides who are members, and the ramifications of leaving are simply too high.

I have found a balance. I accept callings I choose to accept because I enjoy them. The Ward leaders know better than to mess with my kids.

It is possible to make it work.

The bottom line is....You have to do what is best for YOU. No one else can tell you what will work for your situation. YOU are the one who has to live it. YOU are the one who has to live with the consequences of your decisions.

Don't let someone else on a message board attempt to make a judgment call on YOUR life.

Do what is best for your situation, and to hell with what anyone else thinks about it.

I'm supportive of whatever you decide.

;)

PM me if you need to talk.

[_Yoda]

Sorry I just signed up for the boards.

Didn't mean to go off topic or start an argument. I was attacked before I even set my feet down.

Forgive me Seven.

(Moderator Note)Welcome to the board, Auteur!

What I would like to do is split your comments onto a new thread. You bring up some interesting points for discussion.

Liz

[_Polygamy Porter]

If you do feel religious, then spiritual communion can be found at most any Church. Look for that and not let the back story deny you this communion.

The Prize is your Family and your eyes need to be on the prize.

These are wise words from the penguin!

;)

PP, Merc, and Plutarch have all openly called me a hypocrite on this board. I'm sure there are others who feel the same way.

I don't believe in all of the Church teachings, and I do have a problem with the plural marriage doctrine.

I am simply repeating what your own doctrines and church state about your limited set of beliefs, that being, you are a hypocrite. There is no middle ground, just like your beloved prophet said.

[My husband knows of my feelings regarding certain Church doctrine and is supportive of my position. Our situation is similar to yours. We have extensive extended family on both sides who are members, and the ramifications of leaving are simply too high.

Too afraid to stand up for what is right? Instead you will allow the same controlling to be passed on to your children and grand children. What kind of parent would foist anything on their child that they themselves did not agree with? Jack Mormon parents I suppose.

[I have found a balance. I accept callings I choose to accept because I enjoy them. The Ward leaders know better than to mess with my kids.

Mess with your kids? How so? Requiring they attend meetings? Praying? Paying tribute to past leaders that you yourself do not accept for their behaviors? Take responsibly for the rearing of your children. Stand up for them.

[It is possible to make it work..

Keep telling yourself that lie.

[_Yoda]

Too afraid to stand up for what is right? Instead you will allow the same controlling to be passed on to your children and grand children. What kind of parent would foist anything on their child that they themselves did not agree with? Jack Mormon parents I suppose.

What is right for me may be different than what is right for you, PP. I respect your right to raise your family the way you feel is best. Please respect mine.

What is "right" to me is making sure that my kids have a good relationship with their grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. Shoot me.

I'm not "foisting" anything on my child that I don't agree with. My children know exactly where I stand, and they can choose for themselves what they want to believe.

Mess with your kids? How so? Requiring they attend meetings? Praying? Paying tribute to past leaders that you yourself do not accept for their behaviors? Take responsibly for the rearing of your children. Stand up for them.

First of all, my husband and I are the only ones who make the final decision regarding which meetings our children attend or do not attend.

What I was specifically referring to, PP, was any type of interview involving talk of sexual behavior. They also know better than to "cross the line" when it comes to parenting decisions. The young woman leader did it ONCE. It won't happen again. She had heard that my oldest daughter was an active member of GSA (Gay-Straight Alliance). She took it upon herself to inform my daughter that she didn't think it was a "proper" organization for a High School student to be involved with.

I called this leader and told her that I was perfectly aware of my daughter's involvement in this organization and that I had sat in on several of the meetings myself. This branch of GSA at my daughter's school was focussed on fighting sexual discrimination in the school. Fighting all types of discrimination is something my daughter has always been passionate about, and I support her. I informed this Young Women leader that the next time she had a question, she needed to discuss it with ME first, her PARENT. Since then, we have had an understanding.

Take responsibly for the rearing of your children. Stand up for them.

I do take responsibility for rearing my children. I do stand up for them. I am a damned good parent, and I will not let you, or anyone else imply that I am otherwise.