Why God Must Be Black

Post by **_beastie** » Mon Sep 24, 2007 10:15 pm

If the LDS church is correct, and God is a man with a glorified body who created God in his image, then God must be black.

Most LDS are at least willing to give a cursory nod to science and try to incorporate it into their belief system (most, I said, most). Science has pretty conclusively demonstrated that our ancestors came from Africa and were black. So if there were some "Adam and Eve", they lived in Africa and were black.

God created "man" in his own image, which, to LDS, means that his body looks like ours.

Hence, God is black.

In honor of this, my boyfriend and I named his new kitten (who is incredibly adorable and sweet and completely black except for one tiny white heart on her throat and I'm mad she lives at his house instead of mine, but I have two crazy cats already) Ellie Rose.

Actually, her name is Elohim Rosewood God Almighty, Creator of the Universe.

But we call her Ellie Rose, Ellie for short.

(and for you fellow geeks, rose in honor of the Dr's former companion, whom my boyfriend loooooves)

My boyfriend's former cat was called Sweet Baby Jesus, Friend of Holy Ghost. She was born on Christmas day.

She was called Holy Ghost for short. She was a perfect cat who died after a very long life a year ago, so we wanted to continue the blasphemous tradition.

But back to my original point - God is black. If the LDS church is "true", I can't wait to see all the white Mormons' faces. And can't wait to hear them explain the priesthood ban.

Of course, I'll be listening from a lower kingdom, but I'm banking on the internet.

Post by **_Doctor Steuss** » Mon Sep 24, 2007 10:23 pm

I'm down with the concept that G-d is black. It would explain why listening to Joe Turner is always a spiritual experience for me...

Post by **_Who Knows** » Mon Sep 24, 2007 10:31 pm

Nah. I'm sure he turned white and delightsome© once he became god.

Post by **_moksha** » Tue Sep 25, 2007 12:27 am

I made that argument over at FAIR a few years back and many insisted that Humans did not come from Africa.

Post by **_The Nehor** » Tue Sep 25, 2007 12:30 am

I don't particularly care what color he is. I expect he can shift at will anyways. I plan to be able to.

Post by **_beastie** » Tue Sep 25, 2007 12:31 am

I made that argument over at FAIR a few years back and many insisted that Humans did not come from Africa.

Let me guess. They came from Missouri.

Are these people even pretending to have the support of science?

Post by **_moksha** » Tue Sep 25, 2007 12:34 am

I don't think they would have taken God being black none too seriously either. They know he is nordic from the pictures.

Post by **_The Nehor** » Tue Sep 25, 2007 12:39 am

moksha wrote:I don't think they would have taken God being black none too seriously either. They know he is nordic from the pictures.

Yeah, because most 1st Century Jews were modeled after Roman Emperors. It was in the PreMortal Council Design Documentation.

Post by **_beastie** » Tue Sep 25, 2007 12:41 am

I don't think they would have taken God being black none too seriously either. They know he is nordic from the pictures.

Although I admit the real purpose behind my thread was to brag about our beautiful new kitty and her clever name (oh, come on, now, Elohim is a great name for a cat! They know they're gods anyway!), if I were serious about an anthropomorphic god creating human beings to look like him physically, I would have to believe he was black. And of course Jesus was at the very least olive skinned.

No wonder minorities get so PO'd at the white majority. We even created god in our own image, against all common sense.

Now, back to the real topic. Isn't our kitty's name cute? ;)

Post by **_Inconceivable** » Tue Sep 25, 2007 12:43 am

beastie wrote:
I made that argument over at FAIR a few years back and many insisted that Humans did not come from Africa.

Let me guess. They came from Missouri.

Does that mean he can vote now?