My complaint about MAD (mildly off-topic)

[_Zoidberg]

I may be risking my life by telling you this, but some time ago, in the aftermath of Mormon Apologetics&Discussion Board's last volley of attacks, a group of predaceous prevaricators began to deflect attention from Mormon Apologetics&Discussion Board's unwillingness to support policies that benefit the average citizen. Some background is in order: Ancient Greek dramatists discerned a peculiar virtue in being tragic. Mormon Apologetics&Discussion Board would do well to realize that they never discerned any virtue in being insensate. If we let Mormon Apologetics&Discussion Board pigeonhole people into predetermined categories, all we'll have to look forward to in the future is a public realm devoid of culture and a narrow and routinized professional life untouched by the highest creations of civilization. When I say that Mormon Apologetics&Discussion Board's magic-bullet explanations are militant, I mean it. I don't mean that they remind me of something militant or that they have one or two militant characteristics. I mean that they are militant. In fact, the most militant thing about them is the way that they prevent people from seeing that Mormon Apologetics&Discussion Board is firmly convinced that it is a spokesman for God. Its belief is controverted, however, by the weight of the evidence indicating that Mormon Apologetics&Discussion Board is terrified that there might be an absolute reality outside itself, a reality that is what it is, regardless of its wishes, theories, hopes, daydreams, or decrees.

Mormon Apologetics&Discussion Board pompously claims that it knows 100% of everything 100% of the time. That sort of nonsense impresses many people, unfortunately. To put it another way, Mormon Apologetics&Discussion Board wants to be the one who determines what information we have access to. Yet it is also a big proponent of a particularly grumpy form of scapegoatism. Do you see something wrong with that picture? What I see is that if I try really, really hard, I can almost see why Mormon Apologetics&Discussion Board would want to identify political and religious groups that are its political enemies and re-label them as "pestilential storytellers" in order to justify operations against them. So maybe Mormon Apologetics&Discussion Board turns its back on our most heartfelt pleas for mercy. Big deal. What's more important is that Mormon Apologetics&Discussion Board's codices are a logical absurdity, a series of deductions from a premise that has been denied. Speaking of absurdities, Mormon Apologetics&Discussion Board has gotten away with so much for so long that it's lost all sense of caution, all sense of limits. If you think about it, only an organization without any sense of limits could desire to abandon the idea of universal principles and focus illegitimately on the particular. Anyhow, I guess I've run out of things to say, so let me just leave you with one parting wish: Together, may we challenge the present and enrich the future.

*I actually didn't write any of this. I used this awesome complaint generator the link to which I found on RfM: http://www.pakin.org/complaint
It's really priceless when you want to complain about someone or something, and no two complaints are the same!

[_Blixa]

Random, and yet so accurate:

'Mormon Apologetics&Discussion Board's codices are a logical absurdity, a series of deductions from a premise that has been denied. "

When I first found the random complaint generator, I plugged DH's name into it and called him over: "OMG! Look what I found that someone posted about you on the internet!"

[_Some Schmo]

Wow... I was thinking you were being incredibly insightful! Everything said is true!

[_Sethbag]

ROFL. I have to say that I figured out that this must be something like a complaint generator piece before I finished the first paragraph. It was too meandering and loaded with fifty dollar words to have been a serious attempt at criticizing MAD.

[_Sethbag]

OMG. Check out this one!

Here's the angry letter Pahoran knew he was bound to receive. I begin with critical semantic clarifications. First, for the nonce, Pahoran is content to muzzle his critics. But in the near future, he will dismantle the guard rails that protect society from the overweening elements in its midst. The poisonous wine of classism had been distilled long before he entered the scene. Pahoran is merely the agent decanting the poisonous fluid from its bottle into the jug that is world humanity. To bring the matter closer to home, let me remind you that he has frequently been spotted making nicey-nice with muddleheaded jerks. Is this because he needs their help to eroticize relations of dominance and subordination? Well, I asked the question, so I should answer it. Let me start by saying that his older demands were lazy enough. His latest ones are really beyond the pale. Let us now join hands, hearts, and minds to enlighten the mind of Man and improve him as a rational, moral, and social being. Pahoran is basically a bad person. That's all I have to say. Thank you for reading this letter.

[_Zoidberg]

OMG. Check out this one!

Here's the angry letter Pahoran knew he was bound to receive. I begin with critical semantic clarifications. First, for the nonce, Pahoran is content to muzzle his critics. But in the near future, he will dismantle the guard rails that protect society from the overweening elements in its midst. The poisonous wine of classism had been distilled long before he entered the scene. Pahoran is merely the agent decanting the poisonous fluid from its bottle into the jug that is world humanity. To bring the matter closer to home, let me remind you that he has frequently been spotted making nicey-nice with muddleheaded jerks. Is this because he needs their help to eroticize relations of dominance and subordination? Well, I asked the question, so I should answer it. Let me start by saying that his older demands were lazy enough. His latest ones are really beyond the pale. Let us now join hands, hearts, and minds to enlighten the mind of Man and improve him as a rational, moral, and social being. Pahoran is basically a bad person. That's all I have to say. Thank you for reading this letter.

So does this mean the generator has a gift of discernment? We should totally start a new church.

[_Blixa]

It completely does have the power of discernment. The one I did for my husband ages ago had tidbits in it that made it read like it was actually about him. He was seriously freaked out when I pranked him with it.

[_karl61]

everytime I see one of Pahoran's reponses I think to things I have read where Joseph Smith published articles denying things as he was doing them or had done them. I don't thing Pahoran practices celestial marriage but if he did, it likely wouldn't suprise anyone.

[_cksalmon]

This was the first one that was generated. I didn't pick and choose. (I think I'll complain about myself next...)

A few weeks ago, I wrote, "Given the public appetite for more accountability, Prof. Daniel C. Peterson is morally debased and has no convictions of right or wrong". In this letter, I'd like to follow up on that statement. What follows is a set of observations I have made about ostentatious proponents of obstructionism. Not surprisingly, there are some basic biological realities of the world in which we live. These realities are doubtless regrettable, but they are unalterable. If Peterson finds them intolerable and unthinkable, the only thing that I can suggest is that he try to flag down a flying saucer and take passage for some other solar system, possibly one in which the residents are oblivious to the fact that when I was a child, my clergyman told me, "Peterson's lieutenants can conceive of nothing but offensive defenses of his sadistic, malicious insinuations." If you think about it you'll see his point.

Peterson's philippics always follow the same pattern. He puts the desired twist on the actual facts, ignores inconvenient facts, and invents as many new "facts" as necessary to convince us that black is white and night is day. A day of reckoning is coming, and Peterson will be called to account. That shouldn't surprise you when you consider that he might keep essential documents hidden from the public until they become politically moot in the coming days. What are we to do then? Place blinders over our eyes and hope we don't see the horrible outcome? His argument that he has his moral compass in tact is hopelessly flawed and totally circuitous. In a nutshell, Prof. Daniel C. Peterson's fibs have very little thought behind them and are neither interesting nor amusing.

[_cksalmon]

Over the past few weeks, I've learned to look past Mr. CKSalmon's clumsy warnings. I've learned to look past some of the scary things CKSalmon has said. I've even learned to look past his attempts to deny minorities a cultural voice. But I cannot stay silent about CKSalmon's incomprehensible and unforgivable audacity regarding a specific event that recently occurred. For starters, the baneful nature of CKSalmon's wisecracks is not just a rumor. It is a fact to which I can testify.

Rest assured, CKSalmon's confreres constitute the only species of animal life that is both mammalian and invertebrate. No joke. CKSalmon ignores a breathtaking number of facts, most notably:

Fact: CKSalmon's dumber than dirt.

Fact: It is my opinion, as well as that of the courts, dozens of professional organizations, and numerous religious leaders, that I need to spend some time considering how best to name and shame CKSalmon's supporters for their licentious acts of oligarchism.

Fact: CKSalmon bickers and argues over petty things.

In addition, CKSalmon is out to encourage young people to break all the rules, cut themselves loose from their roots, and adopt a mendacious lifestyle. And when we play his game, we become accomplices. Lastly, mawkish, loud cretins must be treated with political justice, not with civil justice, as they are truly not real citizens.