DiscussMormonism.com

Just wondering if I could ask a couple of questions?

1. How did you feel when you figured out that the church isn't what it claims to be?

2. How do you feel now towards the church?

I'd say I was mostly disappointed when I figured it out. It was like my best friend, in whom I had placed all my trust, had turned out to be totally dishonest and using me.

These days I mostly find Mormonism amusing. I know, that probably doesn't sound very kind, but I guess I think back on how seriously I took it all, and it just makes me smile.

Runtu wrote:Just wondering if I could ask a couple of questions?

1. How did you feel when you figured out that the church isn't what it claims to be?

2. How do you feel now towards the church?

I'd say I was mostly disappointed when I figured it out. It was like my best friend, in whom I had placed all my trust, had turned out to be totally dishonest and using me.

These days I mostly find Mormonism amusing. I know, that probably doesn't sound very kind, but I guess I think back on how seriously I took it all, and it just makes me smile.

Okay Runtu "God," (wow, I get that 'I don't know that we teach that' teaching back...I CAN become a GOD!), I'll bite.

Like many, I think, I was angry that I had "given" so much of my life to an organization that wasn't what it claimed to be. I felt duped, used, and pissed off that there was a substantial part of my life I'd lived that I wouldn't be able to live again with my new perspective. Mostly, I wanted to drink wine more! (some tic, but I absolutely love drinking wine with friends and enjoy the beauties of life when slightly under the influence of the vino!).

But then, with time, I realized I didn't have any specific person to be the "object of my anger." Joe was dead, and everybody else was duped like I was, and was doing the best they could with what they'd been brainwashed with. Then I realized as I researched other faiths, that Mormonism wasn't alone in teaching a unique, superior lifestyle. Seems religion was a big racket throughout the ages that has fooled most people who have lived on this planet...so it became just a "stumbling block" to the progression of humanity that I feel privileged to have overcome.

Like you, I find it amusing today, but I don't look down on those still involved. I understand that generally, until there is a "life trauma," most will remain in their paradigm taught by their parents...it's not their fault, and Mormonism teaches a lifestyle that is generally healthy, so I wish them the best.

Runtu wrote:Just wondering if I could ask a couple of questions?

1. How did you feel when you figured out that the church isn't what it claims to be?

2. How do you feel now towards the church?

I'd say I was mostly disappointed when I figured it out. It was like my best friend, in whom I had placed all my trust, had turned out to be totally dishonest and using me.

These days I mostly find Mormonism amusing. I know, that probably doesn't sound very kind, but I guess I think back on how seriously I took it all, and it just makes me smile.

I felt much like you. It was like watching an abusive father die after a very long sickness during which I was trying to nurse him back to health. He is gone now, so I can move on. He was my father, so I miss him and the role he played in my life. The abuse has now ended so I can move on.

Leaving the Church was very, very difficult for me. I would still be a member if I could find a rational way to make it work.

The process of leaving for me took many years during which I espoused just about every apologetic strategy out there. I have moved beyond the anger. I hold no sympathy at all for the institutional Church or its business interests. I will criticize the institution just as I would criticize Chrysler or Microsoft. However, I have a great deal of sympathy and empathy for the members and leadership and consider Mormons my people.

Leaving the Church involved a lot of reading into Mormonism. It has left me with an enduring interest in Mormonism and Mormon history. This is part of the reason I still hang around the boards, to see what is going on.

I am pretty involved in the post Mormon community, mostly because I know how hard it is to leave the Church and form relationships outside of this network and I wish to give others the support that I needed and sometimes found.

John

Runtu wrote:1. How did you feel when you figured out that the church isn't what it claims to be?

Sick to my stomach. Sad. Hurt. I got into lots of arguments about church history and doctrine with family members. It was a bad time.

Runtu wrote:2. How do you feel now towards the church?

I'm pretty apathetic towards the church now. Most of my immediate family are active members. They know where I stand and understand my reasoning. I too find many aspects of what I used to believe and what I took so seriously to be funny now. I'm fine if people want to practice and/or believe Mormonism; if it works for them, great. It just doesn't work for me.

Runtu wrote:Just wondering if I could ask a couple of questions?

1. How did you feel when you figured out that the church isn't what it claims to be?

2. How do you feel now towards the church?

<snip>

Well, it has been a long time actually. About 25 years or so when I stopped going completely. It would be even longer if I included the few years I tried to be a "Sunstone" Mormon.

I never felt angry toward the church. I was actually much angrier at my family.

I was, more or less, disowned and we (my father and I) still have a rocky relationship. I didn't care at all what other members or bishops thought of me. I did care what my family thought of me. It is still a very sad part of my life.

My brother was excommunicated while a Marine (having succumbed to temptation in Okinawa) and I was the only one (at that time I was a Sunstone Mormon) who didn't judge him and told him that I still loved him as a brother and that he was ok with me. Then, he was rebaptised and a few short years later was a complete a**hole to me when I left. He made a wishy-washy apology just this year (over twenty years later), but hasn't spoken to me since then, either.

What a jerk!

I could care less about the church now, though, I must admit, I do love the humor it brings into my life. I come to this board to laugh and I am fulfilled everyday. A big thanks to Charity for her kind visits to this board. ;=) And I have learned to live without family as well, though I do care a lot for them.

I won't blame the church for their behavior. It's their problem, not the church's problem. I'm sad that they are such wimps; that they would give their son up over gold plates, peep stones, flying angels in hospital gowns and 70-year old Eves in Mason-like temples.

What a strange world!

When I had my name removed, I didn’t know the Corporation wasn’t what it claimed to be. All I knew was that I was in complete disagreement with the Mormon God, and I turned my back on him and his doctrine. The Mormon God was a racist, a murderer and a God that wanted strict obedience and money before he would ever love you.

Several years later when I joined the Ex-Mormon Foundation, my eyes of understanding were opened. And I was angry beyond description. I was lied to for 15 years in the cult of Mormonism. I was told what to read, what to do, how to behave, and how much to pay. I was told to stop looking at any material that would put my “testimony” in jeopardy.

Yes, I was hurt, angry, betrayed. This lying organization purposefully kept the truth from me. I could go into depth about the lies and deceptions about Joseph Smith, Brigham, Book of Abraham, Book of Mormon and everything else all the way up to that lying piece of sh*t Gordon B. Hinkster. When I began to unravel these truths I saw that Mormonism turned its back on me – all the while claiming that I had done so first.

If you’re in, keep your damned mouth shut, otherwise, you are an apostate, a bad person, someone who has rejected Jesus Christ himself. You cannot be trusted, you are angry, you are hateful, you have been deceived by Satan himself.

How do I feel now? Is it not obvious? I have helped countless people get out of the Cult of Mormonism. I’ve helped countless have their names removed and will continue to do so. I will do everything in my power to bring down the Cult. To show the world the truth behind the facade – the lies, the deceit, the white washings, the changing doctrines and more.

I’m tired of listening to Mormons like Gaz, Charity, Harmony and Ray A. I’ve heard all of their bullsh*t time and time again, even when I was a Mormon. I’m beyond trying to answer their questions or even try to debate with them anymore – it is pointless. They will only see what they want to see – and then have the balls to turn around and say the same thing about me – even though I was in their cult for years. It’s pure spiraling circular logic that is pointless.

The energy is better used to help people avoid the Cult and to help those trapped in it, get out. I don’t find Mormonism amusing or funny at all. I see it as a serious cult that robs human beings of their humanity. It robs them of their money promising them heaven if they will only pay – and threatening them with hellfire and damnation if they don’t.

Mormons see me as hateful and angry. This helps them cope with the fact that I am an apostate. I mean think about it, how can somebody leave the One And Only True Church ™! Those on the outside such as Ex-Mormons or those still in trying to get out, or even those who’ve never been Mormon see me in a totally different light.

At least for the moment, the family I have now who are still Mormons, have not rejected me completely – as many other Ex-Mormons have been treated. Of course, they do not know the full extent of my work, and I do not discuss it with them or their Mormonism. I treat them with respect knowing they are trapped within a Cult and have no idea how to get out. The rest of you Internet Mormons can piss off and live within the secluded boundaries inside your mind.

For me it is/was the greatest moment of my life -it's like being born again. And it happened the other night when I was finishing up an insiders view of Mormon origins. I couldn't even finish the ending chapter on the first vision. I just closed the book and said I don't need to read anymore.

The Church held me to a standard that Joseph Smith never lived. They excommunicated me for having sex at age nineteen. These last twent-five years I have always thought that I was not as good as others. I was in a wierd mental space where I didn't hang with Mormons because I was excommunicated, was not married and came home early from a mission. But I didn't go to bars either because the Mormon ideal was something I always wanted - was taught that you should want - I lived in hell.

I belive in God but not their view of God. They do so much damage teaching people that fallacious thinking is a way to truth -For many years I felt bad for coming home early on my mission, like I was a loser and failure. Now I know why I had such a rough time: I do belives humans seek truth and beauty. They can get depressed when the opposite is pushed as truth and beauty. This is natural. The only place you can see truth and beauty in Utah is in the Mountains.

edit in: I forgot to write that there are a lot of beautiful and truthful people in Utah too.

Runtu wrote:1. How did you feel when you figured out that the church isn't what it claims to be?

Well, there wasn't a defining moment for me. I never really bought it in the first place. It was more of a point by point reconciliation sort of thing. I would look at a particular tenet, and think to myself, "Well that doesn't make sense for reasons x, y, and z." Sometimes, these had "a-ha" moments associated with them, and I might feel a whole range of emotions about those discoveries/distinctions, from happiness to anger to sorrow.

Runtu wrote:2. How do you feel now towards the church?

It’s a joke. Sometimes the joke pisses me off, though, because members of my family are still caught in its cruel punch line.

gramps, their loss.

Thankful that you hang about the boards.

Runtu wrote:Just wondering if I could ask a couple of questions?

1. How did you feel when you figured out that the church isn't what it claims to be?

2. How do you feel now towards the church?

I'd say I was mostly disappointed when I figured it out. It was like my best friend, in whom I had placed all my trust, had turned out to be totally dishonest and using me.

These days I mostly find Mormonism amusing. I know, that probably doesn't sound very kind, but I guess I think back on how seriously I took it all, and it just makes me smile.

1) The moment of epiphany for me was devastating. It ripped out my heart. I immediately understood the temporary (or possibly the long term) effects it would have upon those dearest to me. I knew I would loose friendships and treasure - but much more profoundly, the potential of losing my bride, my children and my peace.

But still I'm not describing the experience fully. My heart broke (exploded?) for my family's welfare knowing that their reaction to my disaffection could take them to places I would rather they not go - anger, depression, loss of faith, despair, seeking unwholesome escapes. Mixed messages, Sadness.

I immediately felt a profound loss and deep betrayal. An anger toward the Mormon God and His "witnesses" - including, at least to some degree, myself. Yet I hold no malice against myself. Why not? I didn't know better. My intents were not evil.

Devastating acts of betrayal by those closest to me are nothing new. It's part of life. But the religeon I had dedicated all that is sacred to me being what it is - I never could have imagined in my wildest dreams.

2) It is a whited sepulcre.

I am still very angry. Yet I mustn't let it effect the way I treat others. The concept of disappointment has taken on a deeper meaning to me now as well as the term "damage path". The ripple effects are yet to disipate.

I am not at the "amused" stage. I might bypass it altogether. I think I am still in the process of counting to 10.