The "Preach My Gospel" Manual This will make all n
Posted: Thu Jan 03, 2008 12:45 am
This is from The Mormon Curtain. I was amused when I read this. I really did not realize how unhappy I was and what a sinner I truly am.
The "Preach My Gospel" Manual
Article Archived: Jan 2, 2008, at 12:09 PM
Stored Under Topic: MISSIONARIES - SECTION 3 (click Topic Name for More Articles)
Outside Link To Article: RIGHT CLICK - COPY LINK LOCATION
Original Author Of Article: Southern Man
It's a hoot. I finally got a copy of it this past Sunday. It's been around for several years, but I never wanted or needed a copy until now, as my ward has incorporated it into this year's curriculum. It's supposed to be the latest miracle-programme for missionary work. You know--that programme where all Mormons get all non-Mormons to BECOME Mormons so the non-Mormons can be as deliriously happy as all Mormons are. Like WE used to be, before we sinned and felt too guilty to go back to church, so we all sit around feelilng miserable and sharing our misery on this board.
Anyway, I read the first lesson last night. It started with the Introduction from the First Presidency, which starts with the greeting "Dear Fellow Missionary". See, they're in this thing with us rank-and-file members, although, to be honest, I haven't seen any of the FP tracting in my area lately. Then the lesson teaches these important principles:
We members must introduce non-members to The Gospel so they can be happy like us.
Non-members are miserable, although they may not KNOW they are miserable.
They are miserable because they feel guilty, although they may not KNOW they feel guilty.
They feel guilty because they sin, although they may not KNOW they are sinning.
Therefore, it is up to the members of the church to enlighten these non-Mormoms so they will KNOW that they are miserable, that they feel guilty, and that they are sinners, and that the only way they can get rid of these newly-discovered problems, that they previously didn't know they had, is by--how else?--becoming Mormons.
So you have to convince perfectly happy people that they are miserable because trivial things they do on a daily basis, like drinking tea or coffee, are sins. Then they can join LDS-ism, be forgiven of those sins, and be happy like Mormons are famous for being.
The member has to create a need--the need for relief from feelings of guilt caused by ignorantly sinning--that can be satisfied only by joining the church. A need that the average non-member has no idea he has until his loving LDS neighbor enlightens him.
Somehow I don't think this manual is going to do anything to improve the miserable conversion and retention rates currently enjoyed by the church, but then, I'm not inspired, so what do I know.
So excuse me while I go find some ignorant tea-drinking non-member and convince him he's miserable and should feel guilty because he's a sinner.
Damn, that ice tea looks good.
The "Preach My Gospel" Manual
Article Archived: Jan 2, 2008, at 12:09 PM
Stored Under Topic: MISSIONARIES - SECTION 3 (click Topic Name for More Articles)
Outside Link To Article: RIGHT CLICK - COPY LINK LOCATION
Original Author Of Article: Southern Man
It's a hoot. I finally got a copy of it this past Sunday. It's been around for several years, but I never wanted or needed a copy until now, as my ward has incorporated it into this year's curriculum. It's supposed to be the latest miracle-programme for missionary work. You know--that programme where all Mormons get all non-Mormons to BECOME Mormons so the non-Mormons can be as deliriously happy as all Mormons are. Like WE used to be, before we sinned and felt too guilty to go back to church, so we all sit around feelilng miserable and sharing our misery on this board.
Anyway, I read the first lesson last night. It started with the Introduction from the First Presidency, which starts with the greeting "Dear Fellow Missionary". See, they're in this thing with us rank-and-file members, although, to be honest, I haven't seen any of the FP tracting in my area lately. Then the lesson teaches these important principles:
We members must introduce non-members to The Gospel so they can be happy like us.
Non-members are miserable, although they may not KNOW they are miserable.
They are miserable because they feel guilty, although they may not KNOW they feel guilty.
They feel guilty because they sin, although they may not KNOW they are sinning.
Therefore, it is up to the members of the church to enlighten these non-Mormoms so they will KNOW that they are miserable, that they feel guilty, and that they are sinners, and that the only way they can get rid of these newly-discovered problems, that they previously didn't know they had, is by--how else?--becoming Mormons.
So you have to convince perfectly happy people that they are miserable because trivial things they do on a daily basis, like drinking tea or coffee, are sins. Then they can join LDS-ism, be forgiven of those sins, and be happy like Mormons are famous for being.
The member has to create a need--the need for relief from feelings of guilt caused by ignorantly sinning--that can be satisfied only by joining the church. A need that the average non-member has no idea he has until his loving LDS neighbor enlightens him.
Somehow I don't think this manual is going to do anything to improve the miserable conversion and retention rates currently enjoyed by the church, but then, I'm not inspired, so what do I know.
So excuse me while I go find some ignorant tea-drinking non-member and convince him he's miserable and should feel guilty because he's a sinner.
Damn, that ice tea looks good.