100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

[_Phaedrus Ut]

100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

There are a lot of rants against scientists, athiests, muslims, gays. Classic stuff


Phaedrus

//FYI some language is a little PG-13.

[Guest]

Okay, that is hilarious.

My favorite:

"What is called 'Science' today and 'scientists' consist of the same old gang of witch doctors, sorcerers, tellers of tales, the 'Priest-Entertainers' for the common people. 'Science' consists of a weird, way-out occult concoction of jibberish theory-theology... nothing good has ever come from 'science' --- In fact, technology is not in any way related to the web of idiotic scientific theory. ALL inventors have been anti-science. The Wright brothers said: "Science theory held us up for years. When we threw out all science, started from experiment and experience, then we invented the airplane." By the way, airplanes all fly level on this Plane earth!

The Fact the Earth is Flat is not my opinion, it is a Proved Fact! While all we need to know is that the Bible says the Earth is flat (Is.40:22, Ez.7:2, Dn.2:35; 4:10-11,20, Mt.4:8)... but for a second can you imagine what these so-called 'scientists would have us believe --- If the earth really was round, that would mean there arre people who are HANGING DOWN, HEAD DOWNWARDS while we are standing head up? But since the theory allows to travel to those parts of the earth where the people are said to hand head downward, and still to fancy ourselves to be heads upwards, and our friends whom we have left behind us to be heads downwards! LOL! What foolishness! TheWHOLE THING IS A MYTH - A DREAM - A DELUSION - and a snare, and, instead of there being any evidence at all in this direction to substantiate this popular theory, it is plain proof that the Earth is Not A Globe!

Also, be sure to know the Sun and Moon are about 3,000 miles away are both 32 miles across. The Planets are 'tiny.' Sun and Moon do Move, earth does NOT move, whirl, spin or gyrate (1 Sam.2:8, 1 Chr.16:30; Job 9:6, 38:4-6; Ps.96:10, 104:5, Is.13:10, Mic.6:2). Australians do NOT hang by their feet under the world... this is a FACT, not a theory! Also a Fact the Spinning, Whirling, Gyrating Ball World Planet, Globe Idea is Entirely 100% now and at all times in the Past, a RELIGIOUS DOCTRINE... a Blind Dogmatic Article of Faith in the Religion for the Blind unreasoning beast of prey. No earthly reason for a Sane, Upright Member of the Elite True Christians to subscribe to it. Also a Fact, today the Elite of Earth ALL live on the Flat World. Only the illogical, unreasoning "herd"... prefers the way-out occult weird theology of the old Greek superstitution earth a spinning ball! Both Copernecious and Newton, the inventors of the "modern" superstitions (400 year OLD modern) have said: "It is not possible for a Sane reasonable person to ever really believe these Theories." Thus sayeth Newton-Copernecious. What sayeth THOU?"

[_Ray A]

I like this one:

You are banned. You are not a Christian for Christians don't accuse brothers and sisters in Christ of being non-Christian.

[_Doctor Steuss]

Gravity: Doesn't exist. If items of mass had any impact of others, then mountains should have people orbiting them. Or the space shuttle in space should have the astronauts orbiting it. Of course, that's just the tip of the gravity myth. Think about it. Scientists want us to believe that the sun has a gravitation pull strong enough to keep a planet like neptune or pluto in orbit, but then it's not strong enough to keep the moon in orbit? Why is that? What I believe is going on here is this: These objects in space have yet to receive mans touch, and thus have no sin to weigh them down. This isn't the case for earth, where we see the impact of transfered sin to material objects. The more sin, the heavier something is

Trinidad and Tobago, CARM

I've never had any ambitions to post at CARM, but now, I'm very tempted.

Another gem:

I believe my son has a girlfriend, because she left a dirty magazine with men in it under his bed.

It must surely be a girlfriend that left those homo-erotic magazines under the bed. I just has to be.

[_Phaedrus Ut]

Here are some I liked

One theory is that the pre-Flood Earth had a canopy of ice above it that squeezed the atmosphere down to, say, 15 miles [...] If you squeezed the air down to 15 miles - instead of 100 - it would be more clear because there would be less distortion - atmospheric twinkle it's called. And probably this canopy of ice would act as a photo-amplifier where you would actually see things much more clearly. That's one theory that [in] the pre-Flood world you don't need a telescope - you could see incredibly well.
Kent Hovind

And so people love the King James Version

[on the subject of a Bible printing company]
Yes, that is a great company. I bought one of their large print version (old eyes... what can I say?).
The only thing I don't like about them is they sell foreign language versions of the KJB. I don't think that's right. We know the only true translation is the 1600's version in English.

It's too risky for anybody to translate that into other languages. Mistakes can creep in... and that can lead to heresy. True Christians should only read English.

And this guy needs to put down his Left Behind Series and move on.

A few months ago I felt led to put together a "post rapture file" for my unsaved loved ones which is on my computer. My daughter knows that if she doesn't come to Christ before we go that she is to get this file and share it with everyone. I'm working on a list of names and contact information to put in the file. Anyway, today I just felt very strongly that not only should I remind her of it, but to witness to her for the 1000th time and give her complete instructions on what to do as soon as we are gone. I even went so far as to tell her as soon as we are gone that she is to go to a house that belongs to a friend since he will be gone too. It is WAY off the grid. I'm going to talk to him about it tomorrow and get directions. He loves Tiffany like his own granddaughter so I know it will be fine since all of his loved ones are going too.

I gave her the pin # to my atm and credit cards. I told her to make sure that she plants as big a garden as she can and learn to can food. Not to worry about the kids because they will be with Nana. I'm putting instructions in the file about how to start the generator, where her Daddy's guns are and how to load them, where the spare car and truck keys are, etc., etc., etc.

Phaedrus

[_The Nehor]

Okay, these are my new favorites:

"Apes are just creatures twisted by Satan to mock Jesus by giving EVILolition credibility. Further more they are naturally lust crazed for human women. Since they are not natural creatures they should be exterminated forthwith as the tools of evil they are."

"No one knows what's happening until the flood comes (according to Matthew). And the flood is here - it refers to the apocalypse. There is a huge amount of supporting evidence on the site. For example, there is evidence for the wh0re of Babylon due to a 666 mile long penis in Mexico."

"What do the other human persons here think ?

No doubt someone will object, saying something obviously ridiculous like, but atheists are persons.

But clearly this is mistaken because anybody without a well developed belief in God is obviously not a full human person.

What could be more obvious than that ?

How many full human persons do you know without a well developed belief in God. Obviously none, because if they were full human person they would have a well developed belief in God.

Now some people might object to killing atheists for there (and obviously it is there and not thier as they are not whos but whats ) organs but think of all the full human persons that would benifit from the organs and the medical research that could be done on these non-persons.

How could anybody object, they are not human persons and if you think we should not kill them then that is just because of out dated ideas and because they must really just want people to suffer. For shame on you !

So what do people think ?

Should we kill these atheist human non-persons for the benifit of fully human persons ?"

I hope these people are 12.

[_Infymus]

Jesus Nehor, you can sit and bash them and yet your Cult sits and spews out the same things?

I can't tell you the number of times I was told in Mormon Seminary that Dinosaurs never existed on Earth. This Earth was a mixture of many planets and Dinosaurs existed elsewhere and Satan is now using them to confuse men into turning away from God.

Nice.

Like I said before. It's OK WHEN WE DO IT. Right? Right.

[_Sethbag]

IT. Right? Right.

As long as we don't do it officially, right? As long as it's just cultural hand-me-downs, superstitions, and things the seminary teacher, parents, bishops, EQ instructors, etc. just pulled out of their asses...

[_Doctor Steuss]

[...]And this guy needs to put down his Left Behind Series and move on.

[...]

Holy junk. A "post rapture file"? If I were his daughter, I would take daddy's ATM PIN, and start making some withdrawals now. After all, he isn't going to need the money.

I must admit a certain level of relief at not finding anything written by myself.

[_The Nehor]

Jesus Nehor, you can sit and bash them and yet your Cult sits and spews out the same things?

I can't tell you the number of times I was told in Mormon Seminary that Dinosaurs never existed on Earth. This Earth was a mixture of many planets and Dinosaurs existed elsewhere and Satan is now using them to confuse men into turning away from God.

Nice.

Like I said before. It's OK WHEN WE DO IT. Right? Right.

My cult sacrifices infants to Cthulu and is beyond comprehension, please do not malign it or you will be eaten last when the Elder Gods arise.

Your Seminary Teacher was most likely wrong. That was not in their manual. Some of us finished Seminary and studied more and figured out what fit and what didn't. We also discovered ideas we had that were childish that needed to be revised. To be ignorant is not a sin but choosing to stay that way probably is.