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Why do you Make Bad Choices?
Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 2:38 am
by _truth dancer
At times I get frustrated with those who talk about poor choices a person may make as if the person purposely decided to make a bad choice. These folks may have little understanding of why a person may make a poor choice, asserting they are either, evil, bad, stupid, lazy, or incompetent.
I'm assuming most of us here have made a poor choice or two at one time or another. ;-)
Why? What factors played into your poor choices?
Do you think choices are the same as decisions? Why or why not?
Does anyone purposely choose that which they think will create harmful consequences?
What have you learned from your bad choices in terms of how to make good ones?
As I look at my mistakes or poor choices I would say nearly all of them occurred when I either:
1. Trusted someone who was not trustworthy.
2. Believed things that were not true.
3. Was in a poor emotional state when the decision was made.
4. Was not well informed about the consequences of the decision.
Any thoughts, insights, or words of wisdom?
:-)
~dancer~
Re: Why do you Make Bad Choices?
Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 2:48 am
by _Moniker
truth dancer wrote:At times I get frustrated with those who talk about poor choices a person may make as if the person purposely decided to make a bad choice. These folks may have little understanding of why a person may make a poor choice, asserting they are either, evil, bad, stupid, lazy, or incompetent.
I'm assuming most of us here have made a poor choice or two at one time or another. ;-)
Why? What factors played into your poor choices?
Do you think choices are the same as decisions? Why or why not?
Does anyone purposely choose that which they think will create harmful consequences?
What have you learned from your bad choices in terms of how to make good ones?
As I look at my mistakes or poor choices I would say nearly all of them occurred when I either:
1. Trusted someone who was not trustworthy.
2. Believed things that were not true.
3. Was in a poor emotional state when the decision was made.
4. Was not well informed about the consequences of the decision.
Any thoughts, insights, or words of wisdom?
:-)
~dancer~
1. Trusted someone who was not trustworthy.
Check
2. Believed things that were not true.
Check
3. Was in a poor emotional state when the decision was made.
Check
4. Was not well informed about the consequences of the decision.
Check
Those pretty much cover the bases for me.
I don't believe people purposefully create situations, or make decisions, where they think the consequences will be harmful. Sometimes it appears to be the right thing with the information you have at the time.
Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 3:04 am
by _Ray A
truth dancer wrote:As I look at my mistakes or poor choices I would say nearly all of them occurred when I either:
1. Trusted someone who was not trustworthy.
2. Believed things that were not true.
3. Was in a poor emotional state when the decision was made.
4. Was not well informed about the consequences of the decision.
Any thoughts, insights, or words of wisdom?
:-)
~dancer~
I agree with all of this, TD. It sort of reminds me of the saying, "those who do not learn from the past are condemned to repeat it". Now that I'm wiser, I'm happier, and ever richer. When those "emotional states" strike, or I'm even tempted to get into debt again, I repeat ten times, "this, too, will pass". Make do with what you have, cut the losses, and enjoy the gains. It's what someone called "merting the tiger in the road". We all have to meet our "tiger in the road". Past demons. When we finally slay the tiger, the road becomes easier to walk.
Re: Why do you Make Bad Choices?
Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 3:16 am
by _Imwashingmypirate
truth dancer wrote:At times I get frustrated with those who talk about poor choices a person may make as if the person purposely decided to make a bad choice. These folks may have little understanding of why a person may make a poor choice, asserting they are either, evil, bad, stupid, lazy, or incompetent.
People only see what others do and not what they are doing themselves on most occasions. That is how we are. I just thought of Greek Mythology. People had the dates of their death on their foreheads and some gifted people could see other peoples dates and would tell people when they are going to die, but they couldn't see their own because it was on their head. This knowledge made 'God' angry (as did many things), so god scrubbed the dates from peoples foreheads so no-one would know.
I'm assuming most of us here have made a poor choice or two at one time or another. ;-)
Why? What factors played into your poor choices?
I don't tend to make many choices. But when I have made bad ones it is usually because, I wanted to know things for sure, because I was in a state of being uncontrollable at the time, I misjudged or was preconseptive (I don't know what that word means, it just came out. But hey it sounds good).
Do you think choices are the same as decisions? Why or why not?
To have a choice there must be more than one thing to choose from and it sounds as though you have to choose one of the choices, whereas a decision is something you make, it doesn't have to have a selection and you don't need to choose one. Like I made a choice between going to uni or working. I made a decision to desire to study further. We had a choice to stay in Scotland or leave. We decided to leave, that was our choice of the two.
Does anyone purposely choose that which they think will create harmful consequences?
People that wish attention or want to hurt people (mainly deranged people) do, but most people arent even aware of the choices they make, nevermind the outcome.
What have you learned from your bad choices in terms of how to make good ones?
I have learned to trust the voice in my head. To not worry about things as much because what will be will be and to stick by utilitarianism. But most of all, just to be myself. Because not all "bad" choices are bad. People don't see the bigger picture. If people didn't make bad choices there would be nothing to learn. It is ok to make mistakes.
As I look at my mistakes or poor choices I would say nearly all of them occurred when I either:
1. Trusted someone who was not trustworthy.
It is Ok to trust people that don't deserve to be trusted. I was actually talking about that with someone today. In most cases, one cannot know who is trustworthy or not without experiencing it, so there is a choice; You either trust people until you know whether by instinct or by being hurt, that you cannot trust them, or by trusting no one. I know which I'd prefer. It is Ok to be let down because when you pick yourself back up, you are much higher and better for it.
2. Believed things that were not true.
Everyone does at some point. A bad choice as a result of this is NOT your fault or anyones. A bad choice would be to let it pull you back by allowing it to get to you. Just accept that you believed something was wrong and know that your mistakes due to this could have happened to anyone and probably happens to everyone.
3. Was in a poor emotional state when the decision was made.
Everyone experiences this. I say things I regret when I am in a foul mood. I once told God he was evil and is the devil. I regretted that, but I apologised and moved on. God would understand, he knew I didn't mean it and was hurting inside. Most people will understand too. All you can do is explain you were in a "poor emotional state".
4. Was not well informed about the consequences of the decision.
Not many people are. I just don't think about the consequences of my actions. Do you think I worry about what will happen when I am standing on the tables in lecture theatres and running around telling people where they are going wrong in their set ups and telling people where they are going right and invading peoples space and sticking things to them and breaking things and sleeping then awnsering questions whilst sleeping in between. It pisses people off, but it doesn't affect me and they get over it. They know and expect me to be this way. Most of the time they find it funny. We can never fully make a bad choice unless we deliberately set out to do something of considerable effect upon another person, like knowingly beat them up, mentally torture them, abuse them or murder them (all these along with their families). But not knowing the outcome is not a persons fault. It can't be helped and most people will come to realise and understand that. Just forget about bad mistakes. They teach us. Worrying about them just makes it worse.
Any thoughts, insights, or words of wisdom?
I a pirate washer cannot promise that. Sorry.
:-)
~dancer~
Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 3:19 am
by _Imwashingmypirate
Actually one of my mistakes is NOT making informed choices. If I had made choices or followed the ones I attempted to make, my life would be different. If only I didn't lack disciplin. *SIGH*.
:Pirate.
Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 3:27 am
by _Inconceivable
TD,
Very thought provoking topic. I settle in with your thoughts.
So far as choices go, it seems rare that we are fully aware of the ramifications or consequences of the paths we take. It's an adventure.
We don't always realize how much pain or how much peace we have taken on, till we can reflect on our choices.
Such is life.
Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 3:32 am
by _charity
We make choices to fulfill our needs. (Maslow) We don't always understand what those needs are.
Example. Nurses and other caregivers choose their occupation because they want to help and care for people. But they often make partner choices based on this same desire. I had a friend, a nusre, who found out that her husband had been abusing a foster daughter. She was distraught, of course.She was also upset that it didn't seem fair. When she met him, she had felt so sorry for him that he was socially inept and she really thought she could help him out. (I am not saying all men who are socially inept are molesters, but many molesters are socially inept.) I think most counselors would say that using this kind of criteria for the choice of a spouse is a bad decision.
We make choices in haste. We don't really sit down and consider all the options and conesequences because we are in a hurry. You know the thing about making a major purchase. Go home and think about it for three days. Hence the populat advertising ploy of "Call now to order. Offer ends today!" or if you sign up right now, you get some free thing.
If you are including in "emotional state" things like under the influence, many people make big choices when intocicated or stoned.
Kids want to show independence and will do something contrary to what is suggested to them.
The action or behavior appeals to some base instinct or need and the person knows they are making a bad decision but makes it anyway. Use of drugs, for instance. Peer pressure to smoke or shop lift. Spending beyond their means to keep up with the Joneses. Doing something out of anger. Getting revenge.
Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 3:35 am
by _Imwashingmypirate
CRUD, I forgot what I was going to say. The more I think, the less it comes. Och well.
Have you guys ever seen "The mighty boosh"? The song that comes on at the start that says "the mighty bo oosh" is in my head only instead of boosh, it is saying doosh. Like, "The mighty DO OOSH". OMH but that isn't what I was going to say, I lost that.
Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 3:41 am
by _Imwashingmypirate
OHHHHMYYYYYGOLLLYGOLLLLLLLYYYYGOSSSHHHKINNNNSSSSSSSSSSSSs........................
One must NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER and one more time, EVER, go with a man that they feel sorry for AND NEVER, EVER, EEEVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR think they can change or help him. EVER!!! evereverever!!!!!!
It is not possible. Trust me. REALLY. I know. As soon as a woman thinks she can help a man when dating him, she has failed. Especially a man with existing serious problems such as socially inept.
Re: Why do you Make Bad Choices?
Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 5:40 am
by _wenglund
truth dancer wrote:At times I get frustrated with those who talk about poor choices a person may make as if the person purposely decided to make a bad choice. These folks may have little understanding of why a person may make a poor choice, asserting they are either, evil, bad, stupid, lazy, or incompetent.
I'm assuming most of us here have made a poor choice or two at one time or another. ;-)
Why? What factors played into your poor choices?
Do you think choices are the same as decisions? Why or why not?
Does anyone purposely choose that which they think will create harmful consequences?
What have you learned from your bad choices in terms of how to make good ones?
As I look at my mistakes or poor choices I would say nearly all of them occurred when I either:
1. Trusted someone who was not trustworthy.
2. Believed things that were not true.
3. Was in a poor emotional state when the decision was made.
4. Was not well informed about the consequences of the decision.
Any thoughts, insights, or words of wisdom?
:-)
~dancer~
Where does acceptance of personal responsibility factor in? I ask because if the factors for poor choice are external, then what power do we have to prevent ourselves from making poor choices in the future.
Also, at least for me, one of the reasons I have made poor choices, and knowingly repeated poor choices, is because I was getting a short-term pay-off for making the choices.
Thanks, -Wade Englund-