DiscussMormonism.com

Two years ago, on New Year's Eve, and after a 10 year struggle with depression, my husband of 31 years committed suicide. Two months ago, my beautiful and incredible daughter ended her life in the same manner as her father.

Where are they now?

How do I survive this one and go through this again?

hypatia wrote:Two years ago, on New Year's Eve, and after a 10 year struggle with depression, my husband of 31 years committed suicide. Two months ago, my beautiful and incredible daughter ended her life in the same manner as her father.

Where are they now?

As they already probably went through hell on earth, I very much doubt they would have to suffer again in the world to come.

How do I survive this one and go through this again?

By breathing, and hugs... lots of hugs.

http://www.theovernight.org/

http://www.afsp.org/index.cfm?fuseactio ... 9C813F8D93

I agree with Steuss. Lots and lots of hugs, encouragement, and love.

Sorry about your losses.

Just try to remember, as I'm sure you've heard all this before, it's not your fault for their actions.

Please, please, please try to find a support group near you.

These sites might help:

http://www.suicidesurvivors.org/

http://www.survivingsuicide.com/

http://www.suicide.org/suicide-survivors.html

I hope you can find some peace after all you have been through.

Why post this in two forums? Sorry for the lack of empathy. I have a problem there. I guess erm wait a minuit!!!! I almost posted personal life issues on here. DRAT! Stuess is right you should talk about it and hug. try therapy. It works. It is easy to think it wont but when you are in there and after the first few weeks it makes you feel much better and it will take a long time to get things out but when talking about it, you are taking the emotions and turning them into words and you might have to repeat things several times just to feel you have got it out. But when it finally becomes just words it is easier to accept and move on. You will always remember and it will be hard at times, but you will get through it with the right kind of help.

If you want a rosy god loves you therapist, seek a bishop for councelling via the church, but if you want a therapist that will not tell you all is fine and dandy than talk to your doctor or GP. I tried both and prefer the latter.

hypatia wrote:Two years ago, on New Year's Eve, and after a 10 year struggle with depression, my husband of 31 years committed suicide. Two months ago, my beautiful and incredible daughter ended her life in the same manner as her father.

Where are they now?

How do I survive this one and go through this again?

I am so sorry for your loss.
I know a couple of people who have dealt with the suicide of a loved one. It will take time, but you can find peace. (They did).

I am so sorry that you have had to go through such a traumatic thing once, much less twice.

In LDS theology they are in a place where all things are known and understood. They are where they are loved. They are relieved of the burdens they carried here, which they could not bear. If they are in any pain, I am sure it is in the knowledge of what they have caused for you and other family members and friends.

You get through this one day at a time. And with support from counseling. Please avail yourself of therapeutic help. The loss of a loved one to suicide is one of the most difficult things a person can go through in this life.

My prayers are with you.

hypatia wrote:Two years ago, on New Year's Eve, and after a 10 year struggle with depression, my husband of 31 years committed suicide. Two months ago, my beautiful and incredible daughter ended her life in the same manner as her father.

Where are they now?

How do I survive this one and go through this again?

First of all, I am so terribly sorry for your loss.

There is a beautiful article written in the 1988 Liahona by Elder M. Russel Ballard which I hope will give you some of the peace you are seeking. Here is a quote from that article:

The late Elder Bruce R. McConkie, formerly of the Quorum of the Twelve, expressed what many Church leaders have taught: “Suicide consists in the voluntary and intentional taking of one’s own life, particularly where the person involved is accountable and has a sound mind. … Persons subject to great stresses may lose control of themselves and become mentally clouded to the point that they are no longer accountable for their acts. Such are not to be condemned for taking their own lives. It should also be remembered that judgment is the Lord’s; he knows the thoughts, intents, and abilities of men; and he in his infinite wisdom will make all things right in due course.” (Mormon Doctrine, Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1966, p. 771; some italics added.)

Here is a link to the entire article:

Liahona Article

We have to have faith that the Lord knows our hearts and our true intentions. I do not believe that your husband or daughter will be judged harshly.

May God be with you. My heart and prayers are with you during this trying time.[/i]

They're at peace...finally. Whatever they went through to take them to that point, I do not know, but I believe they are at peace now. No more suffering. I do not believe in a theology that would punish those who sough refuge from hell on earth. I spent 10 years of my life dealing with thoughts of suicide. It's not easy to combat. Blessings to you.

ozemc wrote:[...]Just try to remember, as I'm sure you've heard all this before, it's not your fault for their actions.
[...]

Many moons ago, when I was on the Board of Directors for AFSP-NV, there was a wonderful (and moving) speech given at one of the National conferences by a psychiatrist who had lost her husband to suicide.

There were two comments made by her that stuck out to me, and now (about 3 years after hearing her speech), I still remember her comments.

The first thing was regarding someone who is intent on ending their suffering through taking their own life: You can spend every waking hour with the person. You can get them all of the help humanly possible. But, if they are left alone for even a moment, they will take their life. It is no one’s fault.

The second thing she said is tied to the first: There are some roses that can weather the greatest storms in life, yet there are other roses that are bruised by the most tender of rain drops. It is not the rain’s fault. It is not the rose’s fault. It is not the fault of the gardener, nor the soil. The blame does not rest at the feat of the sun. It is not the fault of the wind. It was just the way the rose was; it was part of its melancholy beauty.

Often when a flame burns bright, it cannot last as long as we would like it to.

Hypatia,
Fortunately (and unfortunately), you are not alone. AFSP has an annual conference/broadcast for survivors of suicide (SOS). They also have support groups in most states. Although you will never “get over it” (and I’m sorry for the people who will inevitably tell you those silly three words), it will get easier with time. The pain may never go away, but it may get more tolerable as time passes. I am deeply sorry for your loss, and my heart goes out to you during this difficult time. I hope that the clouds soon begin to recede, and you are able to find those glimpses of sunlight that are waiting for you.

(Cyber) Hugs,
Stuart Brough

I won't comment on where you husband and daughter are now.

Your post really got to me. I just wanted to say that I feel great sympathy for your experience. I can't imagine being in your shoes.

I wish you the best.