DiscussMormonism.com

There were some good things about being a Mormon. I know how to grind wheat and use it to make bread. Growing a garden was something I did as a Mormon because I was supposed to, but now I do it just because I like it. I learned to play a few musical instruments because my mother told me the Prophet said everyone should learn to play at least one. I never heard that from any Mormon prophet, but my mom firmly believed she heard it, so, that was that. There were other good things about being a Mormon, but those will wait for another day. Today, it's about the annoying stuff.

Fast Sunday. I hated Fast Sundays. I like to eat, and not eating for twenty-four hours was awful. Weirdly, I've gone a day without eating, inadvertently, or because of sickness, but knowing I couldn't eat, even if I wanted to, somehow made it all the worse. Plus, Fast Sunday was also Testimony Meeting, something else I hated about being a Mormon. Everyone's testimonies were so dull. If they weren't dull, it was because they were freakishly weird, which made me uncomfortable. And those mothers urging their kids to parrot back what was whispered in their ear? UGH. I wanted to pick up stray Cheerios from the floor and hurl them at those women!

Garments. I didn't mind the bottoms, unless I was wearing snug jeans. They would roll up and create little ridges circling my thighs which would show through my Levi's. I hated that. I also hated the tops and those always-too-small elastic bottomed booby cages. What's up with those? Does Beehive Clothing think all Mormon women have B cups? And I won't even discuss the peek-a-boo nursing garments! I just refuse to go there.

Cheap Fake Flower Arrangements. We've all seen them. Fake roses in dusty lavender stuck in a wad of green stuff which peeked out from the opening of an ugly vase. They were always placed atop a doily on the piano or tabletop, and no matter what, there never seemed to be any money in the budget to purchase an improvement, or if there were, the Relief Society or Young Women's president didn't want an improvement, because to their minds, there was just no improving on fake dusty lavender roses in ugly vases with green foamy stuff sticking out the top.

Strange Brown Rough Textured Stuff on Chapel Walls. Please, someone tell me this misfortunate material covered the lower third of their chapel walls, too! What the heck is that stuff? It's so unattractive and abrasive to the touch. Is it there to keep folks from touching the walls? Or to keep them from leaning their heads against the wall for a little nap while the visiting High Priest drones on and on and on at the podium? Why is it there?!? I can't imagine they could have chosen anything uglier.

Pulled Peonies. In an effort to further homogenize the ward buildings, and make them even more sterile and industrial and endlessly boring, the church, at least in my area, determined to make the landscaping the same around all the buildings. Without consulting any of the women, a landscaping company was hired and, unbeknown to me or any of the other sisters who regularly worked in the flower beds, they pulled out a huge bed of peonies I had purchased and planted myself. They were gorgeous! All our hard work was destroyed and our plants discarded. It wasn't one flower bed. It was all of them. And the evergreen trees we planted, which had grown tall and beautiful, well, they cut them down, too. I hated that.

Boring Music. For some reason, the woman who led music in Sacrament Meeting was intent upon making all our hymns funeral dirges. Soooo Slooooow. It was painful. Not even the perkiest song sounded lively. "There is suuuuuuuuunshiiiiiiiiiine in my soul todaaaaaaaaaay, mooore gloooooooriouuuuus annnnd brright..." We had a good ward choir, and I always liked it when they performed. But, most Sundays, we sang dirges.

I could go on and on and on, but I'll stop here, well short of all the things I hated, including doctrinal and patriarchal issues. But, I covered a bit of the odd stuff I disliked that is peculiarly Mormon. And, hopefully, I did it inoffensively. I will make it a point to add more good things about having been a Mormon later.

KA

Betcha didn't think I'd post here did ya, KA?

I just wanted to say that the outside of the local Ward building is kind of cute. The building itself is the same as most other Ward buildings inside and out but the grounds are very nice. In the front of the building (facing the street) there is a little bridge walk way with small foilage trees around it, the front yard has tall pines and shrubs with benches, and they have Shasta daisies everywhere. It's quite pretty!

Will someone please get the never-Mo off the darn thread?

Testimony meeting is always my favorite, since in my ward it is the least boring. Of course once in a blue moon we have an interesting speaker or two.

I do agree about the music. Having attended other Churches, I know that it can be better. The Mormon Church actually has many fine musicians and my guess is that our Sacrament meeting music must be a source of frustration for them.

I have a solution to my biggest complaint. Make the Sunday before the Christmas program an entire Joseph Smith memorial service. That way it does not have to interfere with the Christmas program honoring the birth of Jesus.

Very funny KA.

I got a real giggle out of the funeral dirge bit. Every so often we get a hymn played in the wrong time, and its just impossible for me to sing it the way they are trying to play it, I still sing it in the proper time. Then I just have to stop and laugh when it becomes impossible.

Get the teachers to put Sprite in the sacrament cups as a practical joke. That'll cause a buzz......lol

I disliked the blandness of Mormon meetings. I came from a protestant background, where we enjoyed ceremonial aspects of religion as well as bland sermons. ;) For example, candlelight services for Christmas. Palm sunday. Candles in general. The LDS church seemed to deem all of that as useless pagan artifacts. I think it brought beauty to religious services. And then the only time the LDS church really got into ceremony was in the temple.... which was just plain weird.

beastie wrote:I disliked the blandness of Mormon meetings. I came from a protestant background, where we enjoyed ceremonial aspects of religion as well as bland sermons. ;) For example, candlelight services for Christmas. Palm sunday. Candles in general. The LDS church seemed to deem all of that as useless pagan artifacts. I think it brought beauty to religious services. And then the only time the LDS church really got into ceremony was in the temple.... which was just plain weird.

I thought the prohibition against candles was due to insurance issues, not doctrine.

I thought the prohibition against candles was due to insurance issues, not doctrine.

I heard that, too, but other churches seem to be able to handle it insurance-wise, so I tended to view that as an excuse.

As a young man, I HATED walking around on fast Sunday to collect the fast offerings. Especially when there was a foot of slush outside and you had to wear your Sunday loafers.

What was interesting is just how many people wouldn't invite you in while they scrambled around for their checkbook and scratched out a check. I'm standing on the porch, feet soaking wet and frozen, 2 degrees outside! Most of the members were with it enough to invite me in, but some wouldn't. And we were taught not to go in unless invited. Weird. If I were YM pres, I'd say "If it's 2 degrees outside, you go inside!!"

I agree with you KA about the burlap on the walls! What is that crap?!?

I also hated that the women had nice padded chairs for Relief Society, but the men had to sit on hard metal chairs in Priesthood. Why can't we all have soft chairs??

You are right about the strange wall surface but what I think was even more odd was in the 70's when some genius said "hey, lets make all of the basketball courts out of carpet".