ENTRAPMENT..

[_Inconceivable]

harmony wrote:

Do you really think its that easy?

What if your family, for generations, has been members, faithful tithe-paying members, called to leadership positions, even the highest leadership positions.

Family that would be very upset, very upset, confused, angry and hurt that you'd turn your back on something your ancestors sacrificed so much for.

Family so deeply embedded in the church that extracting them would be impossible.

Where the family culture is defined by the boundaries, expectations, and policies of the LDS church.

Where your marriage depends on your membership.

Where your relationship with your children depends on your membership.

Where your relationship with your parents and your siblings depends on your membership.

What then?

Harmony,

YOU SOUND LIKE EVERYONE I BAPTISED INTO THE Mormon CHURCH

Except their legacy spanned many years more - just like your ancestors before the Mormon church.

Your family most likely originated in Europe like mine did. They gave up everything you mentioned. For what? Smith, Young and the apostles that baptised them lied to them too. The difference is that you know. YOU KNOW.

There is so much they needlessly bled and suffered for based on the lies of bad men. They could have remained in England, France or Denmark or even immigrated to the US (like so many others) and lived a peaceable (and less heart wrenching) life surrounded by those they loved - rather than see them languish on the plains or witness their daughters given to old hairy men that would leave them widows before your youngest children were grown.

Well, much could be said about jumping from one frying pan to another, but your plight is heard by Mormon missionaries all over the world.

Your concerns are painfully real.

You, like many that now know, are in an incredibly tenuous position.

[_Inconceivable]

Harmony, I hope you don't mind me cutting & pasting this from the other thread:

LifeOnaPlate wrote:
That would be a terrible, terrible position to be in to have loved ones treat you poorly based on your religious convictions or lack thereof. Such phenomenon is not limited to those who decide to leave Mormonism. They are nothing special, nothing unique in that regard. It is terrible, but it's not a problem inherent in Mormonism. It's life.

Harmony wrote:
For a believing Mormon, there is nothing scarier than a family member leaving the church. For a Baptist family, it is not as a big a deal. For a strong Catholic, it's almost as bad as a Mormon. For a Jew, it's devastating. For a Muslim, it's grounds for death.

Mormons aren't unique, but they should be, they would be, if they were living their religion. The commandment is: love one another. That's not "love one another if they're doing what you consider to be the right thing". That's love one another, no matter what. And there is precious little love exhibited by Mormons when a family member leaves the church.

It makes me want to stand up in SM and talk about the true spirit of the gospel. Or scream, one or the other.

[_the road to hana]

harmony wrote:

Do you really think its that easy?

What if your family, for generations, has been members, faithful tithe-paying members, called to leadership positions, even the highest leadership positions.

Family that would be very upset, very upset, confused, angry and hurt that you'd turn your back on something your ancestors sacrificed so much for.

Family so deeply embedded in the church that extracting them would be impossible.

Where the family culture is defined by the boundaries, expectations, and policies of the LDS church.

Where your marriage depends on your membership.

Where your relationship with your children depends on your membership.

Where your relationship with your parents and your siblings depends on your membership.

What then?

I want to comment on harmony's post quoted above because I didn't see it earlier.

Harmony, I know lots of people who could describe their life exactly the same way. I even know many who've left who could have described their situation exactly the same way. Spouses who left without spouses, and kept families together.

It isn't easy.

I'd like to remind you, harmony, that the LDS Church is built on the backs of people who left their previous religions to convert to this new faith, sometimes leaving home and familiy behind, ripping families apart, people who were disowned, disillusioned, a faithful few who managed to bring family members with them, but they left behind the faith of their ancestors, their traditions, their heritage, in order to do that.

I can't tell you how many ancestors I had personally who left other religions behind to become Mormon. Not all of them had the blessing of their family and culture in doing so.

Mormonism would have us believe they did this as an act of faith, of conscience, of following the dictates, of religious freedom. It would turn that on its head if someone from within did the same thing.

You have to do what's right and best for you, and only you can decide that. It's true for each of us.

But even I left behind a legacy of generations of people in that particular faith, some of whom had crossed oceans and plains because of it, made sacrifices, held positions of leadership, and raised their children in that faith, because of what I felt was right. It wasn't easy.

It helped to ultimately realize that the heritage and legacy I'd been guilted into protecting was only the last 150 years or so of my ancestral heritage. Prior to that, I had Protestant ancestors, and Catholic, and likely Jewish and pagan, for hundreds and hundreds of years more than any blip of Mormonism on my ancestral map.

Turning my back on my heritage? That's part of my heritage. And everyone else's. Anyone who's a Protestant had Catholic ancestors. Anyone who's a Catholic or Protestant had Jewish ancestors. It's just a fact.

I wish you all luck in figuring out your own situation. But I do know people who as a matter of conscience have left the LDS Church while their spouses and children stayed, and made it work. I also know some who as a matter of conscience left the LDS Church, and ultimately, their spouses and/or children followed.