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I know about the family consequences of leaving the Church in many cases, but what about the lifelong "best" friendships? Those people you shared everything with at one time or another? Do you no longer desire their friendship? Do they no longer desire yours? Do your true friends make regular efforts to bring you back into the fold?

I ask because during this time of struggle for me, my friends insist that our friendship would not be damaged if I concluded that I disagree with all of the truth claims of the Church.

What has been your experience with really close friends?

The flip side to leaving: When I rejoined the Church, I did not lose any friends. However, two of them jokingly questioned whether I would become too judgmental of them. I am happy to report that such judgmentalism did not happen.

mms wrote:I know about the family consequences in many cases, but what about the lifelong "best" friendships? Those people you shared everything with at one time or another? Do you no longer desire their friendship? Do they no longer desire yours? Do your true friends make regular efforts to bring you back into the fold?

I ask because during this time of struggle for me, my friends insist that our friendship would not be damaged if I concluded that I disagree with all of the truth claims of the Church.

What has been your experience with really close friends?

The relationship changes. Whether you call it damage is up to you. People in the LDS faith tend to hold their faith as one of the most(if not the most) important thing in their life. There will be some difficulty afterwards if you no longer share that faith as the experiences they have will likely mean less to you.

I had a friend who left the Church and our relationship altered in that while I would still mention Church activities and stuff we no longer spent time discussing the nature of God, our spiritual insights, etc. I imagine if you and your friends don't do this now it obviously won't change.

Most of my best friends had left the church long before I did.

And, to be honest, most of the people that I am friends with have no problem with my apostacy.

My ex and my mom are the only two that are really concerned about it.

One other thing that I have noticed as well...

Those that leave the church and take it upon themselves to educate their member friends of all the dirt they have just uncovered will soon find that the member friends don't want to hang out with them any more. The apostate then blames the member friends for being too self-righteous and blinded by the stupid cult. The friends are just sick of hearing it.

Shortly after we left, we realized we had no "best friends" in the Mormon church.

All very interesting. The "group" of friends I am thinking of were indeed those that I relied on in times of spritual struggle (not of the kind I am having now, but of the usual--"I am not living up to who I am supposed to be, I feel guilty" stuff) and we have actually spent many many hours trying to buoy each other up during times of difficulty. Of course, as is often the case, some of these friends simply cannot imagine living without the Church and all that comes with it--the culture, the rules, the taking of time, means and talents. So I find it difficult to believe that they could care for me as an "apostate" as much as they now care for me as a doubting high priest who "wil get through this trial".

They would, no doubt, have conversations about what did or did not lead me "down this road" and what they can do to get me back on the straight and narrow (which, of course, is a demonstration of their concern). However, I would not be permitted to "justify" taking another road, because I would be threatening the very foundation of their lives. This is a difficult place in whcih I now know many a person has found himself/herself---people speculating on what caused them to choose something else, but not being permitted to fully explain why they have chosen a different course without being accused of trying to ruin people's lives. What a complicated mess. One of the toughest things about this whole process for me has been not being able to talk about all fo the issues with others.

I have kept my best friends. Lucky for me, I had more shared interests with them than our membership in the Church. I got married in April, and was pleased that several old LDS friends had showed their support by attending the wedding and reception. My Grandmother on my Father's side didn't, but I didn't expect her to. She's pretty much written all of her "apostate" children and grandchildren out of her will. Bless her heart, though, that she at least took the time to send us a card. I was happy for that. My other TBM grandparents I am sure would have attended, if they were still alive today.

Those that leave the church and take it upon themselves to educate their member friends of all the dirt they have just uncovered will soon find that the member friends don't want to hang out with them any more.

Really? What a revelation. Have you published this in the Archives of General Psychiatry yet?

Family members are the "best friends", I think.
My wife has four siblings. Her father was a priest in Reformed Church (this is the name, not an adjective, see wiki or anything), now deceased.
The first reaction from the kins was "your father is revolving in his grave".

Today, the only negative is that they say the word "saint" with a certain irony. (I agree with them.)
The meaning of the word "saint" is very different for us than for Mormons. (As there are for many, many other words .... )

They don't hate her, they don't want to re-evangelize her, they don't call her sinner, or evil, or anything. She is a member of the family.
I am a member of that family too, even I am atheist, (officially - by the list - RC).

Monson said, not wrote:The world in which we live is filled with diversity. We can and should demonstrate respect toward those whose beliefs differ from ours. Thus, Latter-day Saints accept all sincere believers as equals in the pursuit of faith and in the great work of serving humanity.

"accept all sincere believers" even who have left.

Really???