I'm trying so hard to move on after leaving a lifestyle that literally was killing me. I still am an avid user of email and chat, so those who wish can PM me for it.
As a last wish, I am posting a picture of a movie that I feel sums up some of my take on life. Feel free to post other photos along the vein of this thread.
Bye guys. I might want to stumble back in here every once in a while, so I'll leave that as a gimmie.
To those that I offended, Jokes on you. To those I infuriated, sorry. Its not my fault you are Mormon. I just provide the commentary.
Rules are stupid, especially when it requires a removal of ten percent of your wallet and 90 percent of your brain.
God, Swan Songs suck. I can't think of anything clever folks. I figure if I made it public that I would be able to let go. I WISH I COULD QUIT YOU!!
I now could care less discussing Mormonism with others in real life. On the internet though, sure, and I still will return every now and again to bounce an idea out of my head and onto this board so I can put it to bed.
Life is complicated. Life is not simple. Its confusing and not black and white. My mission taught me that its all just a big game everyone in the church plays. A game where young men are pumped up full of horsecrap going door to door peddling the same. It taught me that this right of passage is useless as a recruiting tool but it will likely forever brand that missionary as church property.
Mormonism is a game where people designate an untrained upper middle class businessman as a bishop and give him the idea that he can fix families, kind of a poor mans child/marriage therapist. At the heart its a Multi generational power structure based around a con mans religion, fueling financing of for profit businesses for the chosen few elite families currently in power.
Mormonism is Scientology from 170 years ago. Mormonism is the pain of knowing that its all crazy insane and no one is mindful of common sense. Mormonism is life on autopilot. Mormonism is a social disease.
A great deal of the anger I used to possess and in some cases still carry is dulled by the fact that I accept now that the majority will not change. They were born into the religion and they will not detour at all from that mandated lifestyle. Its sad. Generations of social infants, some so crippled that they are awkward around non Mormons. At 25 I broke a family tradition that was ongoing for over a century. I do not accept the idea of returning to the church, no more than I would contemplate visiting the inside of a polar bear cage looking for DHARMA brand fish biscuits.
My wife is still in the church. I hope one day she will come into a realization of how contrived Mormonism is.
Work helps a great deal with the stress. I could not have done this if I still were working the Govt job I had back in Vegas. Here in Mississippi I am content, growing in skill and experience. I am in a very good position right now. I could walk into any Engineering job in my industry and have a fighting chance at a decent position. Four years ago I went to work for a relatively small company in Vegas. I stayed up all night basically, talking to people on the phone and logging into routers, switches and wireless access points. Dream job. I was content for the first time in possibly my life. I loved going to work, I was good at what I did. I started reading exmormon discussion boards and blogs. This would have been around the fall of 2004. I split myself from the church after my wife and I had moved to another rental. Total splitsville from the cult followed, as I saw an opportunity that needed to be taken advantage of. I went once to an LDS service when my first daughter was blessed while I was in that precinct-cough-ward. I realized that ones career defines your limits in life. I learned I wanted to pull myself up a rung on the ladder. I made a deal and drove out to Memphis following an agreement on employment with a major corporation with global presence. Currently I am responsible for millions of dollars in network equipment. I command boxes in the core corporate network. I will be very enriched by my current employer when it is time to move on to the next dreamjob. All of this because I got out of my depression though leaving the LDS church. I can honestly say that leaving has enriched my life in ways I couldn't even imagine before I told my wife that no, I was not going to church today. I would not be going robably ever again. I was tired of putting up the front, tired of swallowing bile when a bigamist charlatan was praised. Tired of stupid rules. Tired of telling myself that the longer I wait the larger the chance for something bad to happen due to my depression. I made the leap and kept on leaping.
My current challenge is obtaining technical certifications.
I remember before i had left the church, I had been sitting in sacrament meeting reading Brodie secretly. I was treated to a talk wherein was described tragic events that "poor joseph" had to endure. I read later that his flight, the "tragic event", was caused by people having the (sigh) audacity to think swindling people through a bank scam is unethical. (remember, if you are selling a product that does not work you are still a fraud) I would listen to this and then page through my annotated Brodie, gleaning what could be gained through comparative research. I was getting angry. Its as if suddenly a three card monty hustler had been replaced by this moral, upright monogamous man. I was in denial and it started leaking out, kinda like the black oil on X Files, hehe. Eventually the denial was alleviated by acceptance. No more compromises, just honesty. I hid the news from my family for about a month or so. I avoided it like a bent fender on the family car sunday morning after borrowing the car Saturday night.
God...i could go on and on and on.................
So I get involved with this really basic board after soaking up RFM and rejecting its echo chamber feel . I think Nort, Jason, Jersey, shades.....I know i'm leaving off others. It was right about the time that Thechurchisnottrue podcasts came out. Hiram and Nort and Port had a voice I could relate to. I knew what they were/are going through. Its an excellent podcast. I think they are archived somewhere.
The three most happiest moments of my life is our wedding day, the birth of our children and for me personally, the day i threw away my garments. That day I tossed them into the garbage and laughed. I was reeling from depression and I felt a yoke installed by a cruel and insensitive religion was lifted from my neck. I was elated. My nonmormon friends were as well. My Mormon friends avoided teh subject entirely. My best friend almost cried. he was crushed. he had believed that he could have "helped me". Hes still one of my closest confidants. Very smart man, still as Mormon as ever. And this is the guy I used to go ditch seminary with.
Its been rough on the friend front. My wife still has LDS friends of course and the difference in tones of conversation is so tepid and boilerplate that one is unable to deviate from the traditional Mormon to Mormon discussion without appearing radical and to be rejected out of hand. its really sad to see that Mormons really revolve around other Mormons socially. They don't really get outside of the sunday/seminary/mutual(oh that's right, no more mutual)/boy scouts/etc lifestyle. that's so boring!!
So adieu good people. This has been a few years in the making folks. I never cared how I was taken on this forum. I was just glad to have a place where I could speak my mind and be critiqued.
If I ever have the chance to meet with ANYONE here, you can ask the skype clique (that's right! I'm outing you all!) that i am pretty personable over voice. In person I'm very personable. If I ever have the chance to be visiting the area you reside I might PM you.
Thank you all for your participation here but the big thanks goes to you know who.
Shades, thank you for this refuge of free speech and open communication.
As to the rest of you ladies and gentlemen...oh, and the Grand Master Tapir Dannyboy peterson too, goodbye for now.
“F” its late/early...why am I still awake!