Losing your "rights" as a parent.

[_Mad Viking]

If during the course of a marriage, one of the spouses changes their religious position, does that parent forfeit their right to discuss religious matters with their children due to the fact that they are not following through with the original plan (even if unspoken) to raise the children in a specific religion?

Does having two parents with very divergent views on religion, discussing their respective views in a resepectful manner with regard to the other spouse, cause the children undue confusion?

[_antishock8]

If during the course of a marriage, one of the spouses changes their religious position, does that parent forfeit their right to discuss religious matters with their children due to the fact that they are not following through with the original plan (even if unspoken) to raise the children in a specific religion?

Does having two parents with very divergent views on religion, discussing their respective views in a resepectful manner with regard to the other spouse, cause the children undue confusion?

As to your first question, the answer is no. You have every right to teach your kids what you want (add in all the usual caveats about deranged behavior).

As to your second question, I think it's good for children to see divergent religious views. It helps them understand at a younger age that it's all BS. ;)

[_Dr. Shades]

If during the course of a marriage, one of the spouses changes their religious position, does that parent forfeit their right to discuss religious matters with their children due to the fact that they are not following through with the original plan (even if unspoken) to raise the children in a specific religion?

I doubt it, since (in the United States) the First Amendment never gets abrogated.

Does having two parents with very divergent views on religion, discussing their respective views in a resepectful manner with regard to the other spouse, cause the children undue confusion?

No, since kids are infinitely more interested in XBox 360 and Playstation III and Nintendo Wii than in religion anyhow.

[_Thama]

If during the course of a marriage, one of the spouses changes their religious position, does that parent forfeit their right to discuss religious matters with their children due to the fact that they are not following through with the original plan (even if unspoken) to raise the children in a specific religion?

Does having two parents with very divergent views on religion, discussing their respective views in a resepectful manner with regard to the other spouse, cause the children undue confusion?

I have mixed feelings on this. Theoretically, it seems like parents with differing views could be beneficial in many ways to children, giving them two different religious perspectives, increasing their ability to understand beliefs from different perspectives, and allowing them to choose what they really believe in rather than having their parents force a particular set of beliefs on them from early childhood.

However, I've known quite a few families in that position, and the heartache always seems to outweigh the benefits. I think this is especially true for Mormon families, because the believing members of the family are set on an eternal family concept which those who don't believe can't fully be a part of. These family members often become increasingly aggressive and oppressive in their proselyting efforts as their desperation increases. Another problem occurs if the non-Mormon parent is contemptuous toward the idea of religion, characterizing (however honestly) God as an "invisible friend", or otherwise sharing a point of view which is inherently hostile toward the religion of the other.

The child cannot logically choose both options in such a case, and so is forced to take sides. If the child wishes to avoid taking sides, he or she must either 1) not hold any opinion about religion at all, or 2) try to synthesize two mutually contradictory sets of belief and philosophy. I would certainly classify this as undue confusion. The only remedy that I see that includes adequate consideration for the beliefs of both parents is for each to stress to each other and to their children that it is OK for each child to agree with either or neither parent, and that the beliefs of their children will in no way lessen their love and consideration for them... easier said than done.

[_Mad Viking]

The child cannot logically choose both options in such a case, and so is forced to take sides. If the child wishes to avoid taking sides, he or she must either 1) not hold any opinion about religion at all, or 2) try to synthesize two mutually contradictory sets of belief and philosophy. I would certainly classify this as undue confusion. The only remedy that I see that includes adequate consideration for the beliefs of both parents is for each to stress to each other and to their children that it is OK for each child to agree with either or neither parent, and that the beliefs of their children will in no way lessen their love and consideration for them... easier said than done.

Does it stand to reason then, that if one of the parents is not willing to lend consideration to the beliefs of the other with regard to the children, then the other parent should refrain from addressing their children on the topic of religion so as to not cause them undue confusion?

[_Thama]

Does it stand to reason then, that if one of the parents is not willing to lend consideration to the beliefs of the other with regard to the children, then the other parent should refrain from addressing their children on the topic of religion so as to not cause them undue confusion?

If one parent refuses to be reasonable and considerate of the beliefs of the other, I see no reason why their absurd behavior should be rewarded by affording them control of the moral and spiritual education of the children. Such a person, in my view, would be totally untrustworthy with such a responsibility, and any lessons they have to teach the children would likely lead the children to a similar state of unreasonableness.

Logical solutions to avoidance of confusion in these situations fly out the window when one or more parties are unwilling to be logical -- regardless of which party it is.

[_The Nehor]

The ideal is for both parents to agree to raise a child in a specific religious way. Trying to give a child a choice is unfair at a young age. If the parents can't agree, then I have no idea what should be done.

[_Moniker]

I think it may cause emotional distress for children to be raised in a household where parents come to religion in different ways and there's not goodwill involved. I think for the good of children the parents should come to some understanding and not use the children as pawns (which happens often) in getting the child to choose the "right" path. I think being exposed to a variety of religious views can be helpful to children, yet, it seems, that if parents are fussing about religious views that they should just be hands off on the child and let the child make their own decisions.

I know in the case of custody it can become complicated, as well. If the custodial parent is raising the child(ren) in a certain manner the non-custodial parent should probably broach the subject with care if they have concerns. Ideally the parents should co-parent and decide how and what they will tell the children together. More often than not this doesn't happen.

[_Mad Viking]

Trying to give a child a choice is unfair at a young age.

Please elaborate on this point.

[_The Nehor]

Giving a 4 or 5 year old a choice on religious belief is unfair to a child. They aren't ready to make any sort of choice like that. It's even worse if the choice is to be loyal to mom or to be loyal to dad. No child should have to make that decision. It also weakens the authority of parents which should come down as a united front. If the child is able to find a wedge to use against them (whether they mean to or not) bad things always follow and the family can be fragmented.