DiscussMormonism.com

WASHINGTON—Gay rights activists protested the defeat of bill S. 743 Monday, saying that the proposed legislation giving homosexuals the right to marry was derailed by the National Association of Semi-personalized Linens Manufacturers (NASLM), a powerful lobby representing the nation's gender-specific bath-towel makers. "The special interests of those producing matching knickknacks for traditional heterosexual couples have been over-represented in this debate for far too long," said GLAAD president Neil Giuliano, citing the influential lobby's contribution of more than $95 million in campaign funds during the last election cycle. "We cannot allow the outdated values of a profiteering minority of towel makers stand in the way of social change." NASLM released a statement in response to Giuliano's criticism that expressed the organization's belief that "marriage is a sacred bond between a his and a hers."

On the other hand, Halmark is now making gay marriage cards featuring a picture with two men wearing tuxedos and holding hands.

asbestosman wrote:On the other hand, Halmark is now making gay marriage cards featuring a picture with two men wearing tuxedos and holding hands.

Well, they're going to hell too. :)

The Nehor wrote: NASLM released a statement in response to Giuliano's criticism that expressed the organization's belief that "marriage is a sacred bond between a his and a hers."

A his and a "hers"? Polygamy okay, gay marriage not okay.

WASHINGTON—Gay rights activists protested the defeat of bill S. 743 Monday, saying that the proposed legislation giving homosexuals the right to marry was derailed by the National Association of Semi-personalized Linens Manufacturers (NASLM), a powerful lobby representing the nation's gender-specific bath-towel makers. "The special interests of those producing matching knickknacks for traditional heterosexual couples have been over-represented in this debate for far too long," said GLAAD president Neil Giuliano, citing the influential lobby's contribution of more than $95 million in campaign funds during the last election cycle. "We cannot allow the outdated values of a profiteering minority of towel makers stand in the way of social change." NASLM released a statement in response to Giuliano's criticism that expressed the organization's belief that "marriage is a sacred bond between a his and a hers."

That is some pretty good news parody. I was surprised to see that it comes from the Onion and not from Scrappleface.

Very strange that a group of people who spend so much time in bath houses would be butting heads with a towel manufacturer.

Gazelam wrote:Very strange that a group of people who spend so much time in bath houses would be butting heads with a towel manufacturer.

Bath houses? What are you, 104 years old? ;)

But the towel company is short sighted. A gay male couple could just buy a couple of sets, and give the "hers" towels to their lesbian friends.

Some Schmo wrote:But the towel company is short sighted. A gay male couple could just buy a couple of sets, and give the "hers" towels to their lesbian friends.

That defeats the whole purpose of telling the towels apart. They'd probably have more luck targeting male/male crossdresser relationships.

Gazelam wrote:Very strange that a group of people who spend so much time in bath houses would be butting heads with a towel manufacturer.

Yes, why can't they just come clean about this before everyone gets steamed?