DiscussMormonism.com

edited. Too much personal information.

Your in-laws are who they are. You can't change that. You can choose to react to their behavior in a mature manner, or you can give back tit for tat. It's up to you. Sometimes you just have to escape in order to breathe.

I vote that you cut the umbilical cord.

Well, they are coming this weekend. It may be tense. We won't completely "cut the cord" as you say, but we may have to lay out certain ground rules.

I hate confrontation, and I sincerely like my in-laws, too. We have always gotten along.

I was just surprised when I came to this realization about them. I just expected that they would "get over it" and life would go on. I knew leaving the church would cause them pain, but it never occurred to me that they would take it so personally, you know?

Point out to them perhaps that they are not the center of the Universe. Point out perhaps that with that level of selfishness they're unlikely to reach a higher kingdom then you anyways. Also add that the responsibility of parenthood is to aid and help your children not for them to take care of your emotional well-being.

If you're feeling really angry remind them of Joseph's promise that if the parents live righteously they will take all their children into glory with them. Point out that they are their son's only hope and that if they screw up they're REALLY hurting him.

What exactly is a "dh?" Are you talking about a "divorced husband?"

Your not very sympathetic to the feelings of your in-laws. They may be in the wrong as well but you can't control them.

Paharon wrote:What exactly is a "dh?" Are you talking about a "divorced husband?"

Your not very sympathetic to the feelings of your in-laws. They may be in the wrong as well but you can't control them.

"DH" is short for "dear husband".

Always Thinking wrote:Well, they are coming this weekend. It may be tense. We won't completely "cut the cord" as you say, but we may have to lay out certain ground rules.

How's this for a ground rule: Leave a copy of In Sacred Loneliness on the coffee table, and every time your mother-in-law says "why are you trying to hurt me," she has to read one chapter.

You could always turn it around on them to demonstrate the flaw in their thinking.

"Why do you go to church? Why do believe that stuff? It hurts me. Why do you continue to do that when you know it hurts me? Can't you just stop hurting me? Why do you want to hurt me so much?"

This is assuming you have to keep in contact with them, of course.

My parents do not think I left to hurt them, but I cannot get them to stop blaming themselves. Because of teachings of the Church, they see my apostasy as stemming from a previous failure on their part. Especially my mother believes that if they had just prayed more, or read the scriptures more, or done more family home evening they could have avoided it.

It is all very sad really. The Church really does not help people deal with the emotional baggage that it creates itself.