Scratch Watch: A Defunct Blog?

[_Gadianton]

Some of you may have visited the odd yet intriguing blog hosted by our very own Trevor called "Scratch Watch."

Visually, this blog isn't bad. It's simple. The black background with light green and purple lettering is attractive. It's a little "boxy" but as a "startup" blog, I won't let it get to me. Certainly, in look it rivals FAIR's far more expensive blog which cuts out the hard edges but fails very badly in color, where it reminds me of a page of blue ink washed out by spilled water.

Mysteriously, Scratch Watch went to cobwebs moments after the lights were turned up. What happened? Did Trevor abandon the blog? Did Trevor merely get bored with it for a time? One has to wonder why he might have lost steam so quickly.

The blog has only two posts and both are rather cryptic. Trevor seems to find himself as an observer, watching the battles between apologists and critics and trying to make sense out of what he sees. But his interpretations are not straightforward. And we may never know what the intent of this blog ever was.

And his loyalties? Does he like Scratch? Does he favor apologists? Has he been paid by apologists? These are also questions I doubt we'll ever have answers too.

Overall, I recommend this blog, but only stop short of a full endorsement in that it appears to have fizzled out shortly after inception.

[_Ray A]

The blog has only two posts and both are rather cryptic. Trevor seems to find himself as an observer, watching the battles between apologists and critics and trying to make sense out of what he sees. But his interpretations are not straightforward. And we may never know what the intent of this blog ever was.

And his loyalties? Does he like Scratch?

Trevor is one of my favourite posters, but Gad, you hit the nail on the proverbial head here. I think that's why the blog has only one comment so far. I think Trevor likes the ambiguity to keep people guessing.

[_Daniel Peterson]

And his loyalties? Does he like Scratch? Does he favor apologists? Has he been paid by apologists? These are also questions I doubt we'll ever have answers too.

I'm happy to answer the questions.

"HIs loyalties?" He's a full-time employee of the SCMC, a blood brother of Bill Hamblin, and a black belt in karate. Does that leave any real doubt?

"Does he like Scratch?" Are you kidding?

"Does he favor apologists?" You'd better believe it.

"Has he been paid by apologists?" No. That is, I mean, he only gets $200 per post, on top of his $463,000 annual Mopologetic salary, paid in cash, in unmarked bills, via a briefcase carried to the Santa Monica pier by an unnamed president of the Quorum of the Twelve in four quarterly installments.

[_Ray A]

And his loyalties? Does he like Scratch? Does he favor apologists? Has he been paid by apologists? These are also questions I doubt we'll ever have answers too.

I'm happy to answer the questions.

"HIs loyalties?" He's a full-time employee of the SCMC, a blood brother of Bill Hamblin, and a black belt in karate. Does that leave any real doubt?

"Does he like Scratch?" Are you kidding?

"Does he favor apologists?" You'd better believe it.

"Has he been paid by apologists?" No. That is, I mean, he only gets $200 per post, on top of his $463,000 annual Mopologetic salary, paid in cash, in unmarked bills, via a briefcase carried to the Santa Monica pier by an unnamed president of the Quorum of the Twelve in four quarterly installments.

Ahhh. Now that makes sense. Apart from his adacemic activities, Trevor is obviously a fan of Spy vs Spy.

Silly me.

[_Gadianton]

bump.

Since Trevor is back, hoping to get a comment.

[_Trevor]

Damn!

I was hoping that none of you would notice the blog that I linked below my signature. I guess I am now forced by the probing eye and Damoclean keyboard of Gadianton to come out in the open and answer for it.

I apologize in advance to all of my pals in the COB, the SCMC, FARMS, and FAIR. Daniel, I know you tried to cover me by making this into a joke, but I couldn't hope to evade Gad and Scratch any longer. Thanks anyway.

The truth is that I have been employed by the LDS Church for the past eight years. I haven't received the extravagant sums that were posted above, simply an unnamed "fellowship" that supplemented my financial resources while I was a grad student (I think the money was raised by FARMS in conjunction with the LDS Foundation, but I never asked for details). It was a meager sum, and, frankly, I have loved my work so much that, well, I would have done it for free anyway.

But, Bill and Dan know how tight the finances of a grad student can be, and I felt bad turning down guys whom I have admired so long and have come to look at as father figures in a way. I know you guys see only the bad in them. If you only knew them the way I do, you wouldn't be so critical. They are truly good guys.

What was I asked to do? Well, to the best of my ability I was to assume different guises... to try to get into the mindset of an apologist, a politically liberal Mormon, a Sunstoner "critic," and an outright apostate. I was then to send in regular emails to report to the "brass" about my interactions with others, what seemed to work better when talking to different people along the spectrum, from TBM to secular critic.

How did they use my research? I don't know. I was only thanked for my work and asked to continue. I doubt we will see the fruits of my labors soon or dramatically when they finally do make an impact. I have a feeling that the More Good Foundation was involved, but the guys in Salt Lake liked to keep the right and left hand ignorant of each other's efforts. One thing that has not been feigned was my ignorance of what other people on our team have been doing.

My loyalties? I don't think in terms of loyalties so much. I think in terms of my deep passion for the gospel, and my perfect obedience to my priesthood authorities. If they asked me to become an anti-Mormon, I would do so, no matter how difficult or painful it could be. Someone needed to be one in a way that could really help the Brethren understand them from the inside.

But now I guess the jig is up, and my cover has been blown. Sure, I could have continued to prevaricate, falsify, play the impostor... but, I am tired. When Gad wrote this and bumped it to bring it to my attention, I had hit my breaking point. He saw the final gasps of my ability to switch poses in the half-hearted "Scratch Watch." Now I am completely tapped out.

So, what now? I don't know whether I have lost all credibility, or whether I even managed to get any--ever. Undoubtedly the checks will stop coming. Yes, they were so happy with my work that I went from a "fellowship" to a "research assistant" position. I kept writing. The checks came every month. One hundred and fifty smackers, which were now put right back into the missionary fund.

It was great while it lasted, guys. Thanks so much, Daniel. You have been an inspiration. And thanks to Scratch too. I never thought anyone could do better than I have done at this game, but you have blown me out of the water. No, I don't know for certain whether he is a COB man, but he may as well be. Truly you are a Master, Scratch, but I am betting you are not a "Mahan" at heart. ;-)

[_Ray A]

My turn, bumping for Gad.

[_Bond James Bond]

Trevor,

Flush your turds, don't smoke them.

[Guest]

Thank you Trevor, for the detailed reply. I wasn't sure you were going to comment.

The truth is that I have been employed by the LDS Church for the past eight years. I haven't received the extravagant sums that were posted above,

Well, as I know people who have worked for the church, for the most part, the Church expects a free ride. If there ever was a white-collared sweatshop, it's the COB. No lie, Trevor, from the most TBM people you can imagine, the church is the worst employer on the planet.

But, Bill and Dan know how tight the finances of a grad student can be,

True. But just think, when it's all over, you too might find an afternoon's lecture that pays a full 1000$ like Hamblin did. And then you can say that other payments you've received weren't really payments.

I was then to send in regular emails to report to the "brass" about my interactions with others, what seemed to work better when talking to different people along the spectrum, from TBM to secular critic.

And what kind of things were you able to report back?

I have a feeling that the More Good Foundation was involved,

I doubt it. You might as well say CSSAD was involved, foundations of one persons aren't very influential.

Now I am completely tapped out.

So does that mean there will be no more posts? I hope this is not the case. Some of us are fans of the blog.

Truly you are a Master, Scratch, but I am betting you are not a "Mahan" at heart. ;-)

Well, what is a "mahan" anyway? Isn't that a word Joseph Smith just mayed up? I mean, made up? Speaking of which, you have to admit, Mister Scratch has some extraordinary talents. In most of his features he'll introduce a word that I've never heard nor seen before. An obscure word, positioned perfectly, and you can feel his command. But then there is the restraint that follows, and no more big words for the rest of the presentation. You can't tell me he's not a professional.

I think his writing is fascinating for a reason that you may not have thought of (or maybe you have). Think of all the time and energy apologists, those who write for FROB, for instance, have put into criticizing spelling, grammar, style, sophisticated speech, and all of that. Seth, one of my favorite posters, just recently had something treacherous to say about the FARMS grammar police.

There have been some humorous reactions to this pettiness displayed by the "review". For instance, Alf Omega, a personal friend of mine (to his eternal embarrassment) has at times made a point to use his natural gifts and excessive learning on technical matters of the English language to correct the apologists' own writing errors.

But Scratch, Scratch's mastery of all that could ever be covered in a six year course on the art of writing and presentation leaves them utterly dumbfounded. I mean, no one who has ever written for the FROB, ever, writes as well as Scratch. When Scratch burst onto the scene, unexpectedly for me, with a, what, 20 page summary of the "missing transcript" episode? I didn't know what to think. That could have sold (something informal and off the cuff) for better money than anything FAIR has produced, ever, and to anyone, even to those who have never heard of Mormonism, it's that good. If Jesus Christ had come blowing his trumpet through the clouds, I'm not sure I'd be much more impressed.

Do you see the poetic justice? The fact that Scratch can own anyone from FARMS or FAIR on the grounds of form and style alone? And that's without considering substance, which I find plentiful in his posts. Even if I don't agree with everything he says.

He's no "New Atheist," my friend. I think Scratch is "Beyond good and evil" in that respect. Outside the text, even.

Well, anyway, I appreciate your intelligent contributions to the forum, and I hope that "Scratch Watch" isn't dead yet.

[_Daniel Peterson]

But just think, when it's all over, you too might find an afternoon's lecture that pays a full 1000$ like Hamblin did.

???

But Scratch, Scratch's mastery of all that could ever be covered in a six year course on the art of writing and presentation leaves them utterly dumbfounded. I mean, no one who has ever written for the FROB, ever, writes as well as Scratch. . . . If Jesus Christ had come blowing his trumpet through the clouds, I'm not sure I'd be much more impressed.

Molto bizarro.

Do you see the poetic justice? The fact that Scratch can own anyone from FARMS or FAIR on the grounds of form and style alone? . . .

He's no "New Atheist," my friend. I think Scratch is "Beyond good and evil" in that respect. Outside the text, even.

I guess I can take some comfort in the fact that the greatest English prose stylist of our time has chosen to immortalize me.

I mean, most of the people in Dante's Inferno would be completely forgotten, had he not incorporated them into his poem. As it is, they have literary immortality. As I shall have!