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In another thread, someone is making light of the departure of a formally faithful member from the church.

The usual suspects get dragged out. Taking offence, wanting to sin, weakness, stupid trite reasons.

I can only question the testimonies of people who hold such views. Do you see yourselves leaving for these reasons? Is that why you project them on us? What the hell are you a member for?

When I believed, it consumed my life. When I believed I would have have gladly died in any manner demanded. I built my future life around what I thought was The Plan.

Can you possibly understand how insulting it is to have people think that one would give up something that was absolutely so precious and important. Because I knew that this was a matter of the utmost importance. I can't say that at the time I thought that if this was true it was it was the essence of my entire existance. Because at that time I knew that is was, my eternal destiny was at stake.

When the discrepancies accumulated over a period of years, and I prayed and prayed for resolution. When I think of how trusting my youth was - through absolute belief I had 'converted' three of my friends before 14 years old (to my regret, two are still believers, the third served an honorable mission before he saw the light).

When I consider the deceit, the manipulation of emotion, the endless obfuscating, and betrayal by the institution that I believed was my only chance of salvation. And the pain it took to realise what was going on, and that the whole was a house of rotten cards. Then to see the pain caused to family who remained - which can never be healed. And a family that is divided and can never be whole.

This is a betrayal of trust of the worst kind. Institutionalised deceipt and entrapment. Destruction of families and tainted lives.

The arseholes who carp on about wanting to sin and taking offense are just kidding themselves - would you let go of the liferaft because someone else on it called you a wanker?

Get real.

Thanks Danna,

These are my thoughts and perceptions as well.

I imagine those that invested their life savings with Bernie Madoff had a similar experience when they began to evaluate how the loss would affect the rest of their lives.

Inconceivable wrote:Thanks Danna,

These are my thoughts and perceptions as well.

I imagine those that invested their life savings with Bernie Madoff had a similar experience when they began to evaluate how the loss would affect the rest of their lives.

That's a really interesting analogy. Imagine if a believing Mormon had just dismissed and diminished an ex-Mo's experience, and then that same Mormon discovered that he had lost millions of dollars to Madoff.

Can you imagine how that LDS member would respond if we ex-Mos said, "You just oppose Madoff because of your own pride or sin or laziness. If you really don't have any faith in Madoff, you need to just move on and never talk or think about it; otherwise you'll become bitter and angry, which tends to be the lot of those who wrongly reject the wonderful benefits of Madoff's investments."

Yes, this is a particularly insulting and persistent response to loss of faith. It's also very typical of certain types of "one true" religions. Years ago I read a book by an exJehovah's Witness and was amazed by how she experienced the same phenomenon.


Losing my faith was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. It has ended well, but it was a long, hard road.

I know exactly what would happen, were I to walk away.

My marriage would remain intact, but my husband would become a shell of a man. He would be unable to deal with it, and would never get over it. It would tear him apart.

My oldest son would be sad, but I am the only grandmother his children have, so I wouldn't lose them.

My second son would never speak to me again, because his wife would not allow him to, and I'd lose two of my grandchildren.

My third son wouldn't care at all, and would wonder what took me so long. His two children would love and honor their grandma for all of their lives.

My oldest daughter would ignore it and things would continue as they do now, but it would eat at her.

My fourth son would never speak to me again, until his wife slapped him upside the head and forced his hand, so because of the great love my daughter in law has for me, I wouldn't lose those three of my grandchildren.

My fifth son would be disturbed and hurt, but he'd support me in whatever my choice was. He would never deny me access to his yet unborn first child.

My second daughter would ignore the whole thing and would want to know when I was coming to visit.

My youngest son would never willingly leave me.

My mother in law would never speak to me again, and neither would my sister in law (this is a bad thing?)

My mother and siblings would be delighted.

One or two of my friends from church would stick by me. The others would bail immediately.

My bishop and stake president would be sad.

harmony wrote:I know exactly what would happen, were I to walk away...

You know, Harmony,

Have you ever stopped to think that perhaps they don't know who you really are and what's actually on your mind? There must be a certain loneliness in your decision to remain a member of a church that doesn't necessarily represent your belief system.

Inconceivable wrote:

harmony wrote:I know exactly what would happen, were I to walk away...

You know, Harmony,

Have you ever stopped to think that perhaps they don't know who you really are and what's actually on your mind? There must be a certain loneliness in your decision to remain a member of a church that doesn't necessarily represent your belief system.

I have 4 of my granddaughters spending the weekend with me. We will do fun things tomorrow... things they wouldn't do at home without complaining, but that are fun to do at Grandma's house, because I am not their mom. I'll let them dig the holes for the bulbs, instead of doing it myself, and we will plant bulbs that will be beautiful this summer, and they will remember that they planted them. I'll let them hose the spiderwebs off the house, without telling them to not get wet. I'll let them burn the weeds and any old wood they can find, and we will roast hotdogs and marshmellows. And they will remember this weekend at the farm, and know that they are loved more than life itself.

I will never let anyone jeopardize that. Ever. I will find a way, in whatever fashion I have to, to keep them all close to me, no matter what the cost to myself. And if that sounds like someone with no integrity, then that's fine with me. I know who I am, and who I love, and who loves me. And if I have to be lonely, and I am, I am not lonely in my heart. And I can live with that.

The usual suspects get dragged out. Taking offence, wanting to sin, weakness, stupid trite reasons.

I've never seen a case otherwise. Antimormonism sometimes get's brought in in order for the person to make a covering excuse.

harmony wrote:I know exactly what would happen, were I to walk away...

Inconceivable wrote:
You know, Harmony,

Have you ever stopped to think that perhaps they don't know who you really are and what's actually on your mind? There must be a certain loneliness in your decision to remain a member of a church that doesn't necessarily represent your belief system.

harmony wrote:I will never let anyone jeopardize that. Ever. I will find a way, in whatever fashion I have to, to keep them all close to me, no matter what the cost to myself. And if that sounds like someone with no integrity, then that's fine with me. I know who I am, and who I love, and who loves me. And if I have to be lonely, and I am, I am not lonely in my heart. And I can live with that.

Your comments add to the anger and resentment I have for this horrible family destroying religeon.

I agree, your family is your life (in spite of the church) and that you remain a Mormon to preserve a loving family's unity. I see the nobility in your choice.

Someday, one of your kids or g'kids will approach you and ask you why you never told them how you felt and what/when you knew the truth (to save them years of dead works). I hope they'll be mature enough to understand the duress you were under to remain silent for the life of your family's sake. No sarcasm here, Harm. Ann Frank made noble decisions as well and she was a good person.

I'd like to explain a little more about my own decision to forsake the religeon:

For much of his life, my father was a duplicitous man that left a wide damage path of broken souls in his wake. He was the poster child of D&C 121:37-40. When I learned the more truthful history of particularly Joseph Smith and Brigham Young, I became fatally wounded spiritually. They all had so very much in common. My soul was literally in pain to be seen as one with them just as I had no desire to be affiliated with my own father. Keep in mind, previous to my knowing their darker natures, I would have gladly given my life for these men I had seen as my heros.

bcspace wrote:I've never seen a case otherwise.

And somehow I don't think bcspace ever will. It's a kind of personal grace he has been given to protect his testimony, on account of his faithfulness.