DiscussMormonism.com

The other day my home teacher repeated what he has said many times to me: I need to go back to the church because the stakes are so high if I don't. I've been mulling it over, and I mentioned on my blog that I've thought about going back and trying to participate as best I can, even though I don't believe.

Anyway, this isn't about my going back or not. What I found interesting is that most of the ex-Mormons I know have just told me to do what I feel is right and what I can live with, but I've gotten hate mail from some who claim to be church members (they're regular hate-mailers). One in particular said that I should spend less time with my head in a place where the sun doesn't shine and read the Book of Mormon. Another used some choice language to describe me and other doubters.

It got me kind of angry, and then I felt bad for getting angry. I wondered whether any of this is worth all the rancor and bad feelings. I've been around these boards for way too long, and I have contributed as much as anyone to the "contention" and hard feelings. But why? What exactly are we accomplishing when we fight amongst ourselves? Who gains, and what do they gain?

I'm beginning to think that the stakes aren't high enough to warrant getting exercised about these issues. It's just not worth ruining someone's day. It's just religion, you know.

If by "stakes" you mean something like Pascal's Wager type reasoning, then that fails for the same reasons PW fails in the general case, only it's more awesome because we're talking about a fringe religion like Mormonism.

If instead the stakes are something like maintaining a harmonious family life, I understand the pressure involved and think it best others comment.

This anger should certainly be avoided if the stress from it is worsening your depression.

Runtu wrote:The other day my home teacher repeated what he has said many times to me: I need to go back to the church because the stakes are so high if I don't. I've been mulling it over, and I mentioned on my blog that I've thought about going back and trying to participate as best I can, even though I don't believe.

Anyway, this isn't about my going back or not. What I found interesting is that most of the ex-Mormons I know have just told me to do what I feel is right and what I can live with, but I've gotten hate mail from some who claim to be church members (they're regular hate-mailers). One in particular said that I should spend less time with my head in a place where the sun doesn't shine and read the Book of Mormon. Another used some choice language to describe me and other doubters.

It got me kind of angry, and then I felt bad for getting angry. I wondered whether any of this is worth all the rancor and bad feelings. I've been around these boards for way too long, and I have contributed as much as anyone to the "contention" and hard feelings. But why? What exactly are we accomplishing when we fight amongst ourselves? Who gains, and what do they gain?

I'm beginning to think that the stakes aren't high enough to warrant getting exercised about these issues. It's just not worth ruining someone's day. It's just religion, you know.

The thing about the internet is that people can vent their frustrations at you or anyone else without it being known who the frustrated person is. It becomes an arena for victimization. And you have experienced it.

Also, it is impossible to know who the geniune active Mormons are on the internet expecially when it comes to blog comments. An exmormon can pause as a Mormon and post rude comments. Who knows??

But in the end, it will be your own personal decision. Go in peace with whatever decision you make.

Of course you have to do what you feel is right, and what is inline with your ideals and goals. You can participate in the activities that you feel are virtuous, good, lovely or praiseworthy. Or if you don't value those things you can participate where you find value.

I must say that what I have read online on many ex-mormon boards does not promote the 'do what you feel is right mentality' towards current LDS. Maybe this is because they are not speaking to an LDS person, rather they are speaking about someone. I think that mostly everyone experiences a shift towards understanding when we are faced with the person we are writing about or to. Those mean spirited LDS people would probably be different if you talked to them, just like the seething hate towards Mormons on some exmormon boards is probably less apparent if you talk face to face to some of the participants.

My condolences if any has talked to you in such a rude manner as in how you described the mail you received.

Hi Runtu...

I'm beginning to think that the stakes aren't high enough to warrant getting exercised about these issues. It's just not worth ruining someone's day. It's just religion, you know.

I don't think there are any "stakes". :-) In other words, I don't think any humankind version of the afterlife is even remotely truth, nor do I think our awareness and experiences of this life are going to be judged by an advanced human, based on our extraordinarily limited view of existence.

So, no a MB is not the place to ruin anyone's day or add to ill feelings, negativity, or cruelty. Not at all, IMHO.

I think Mormon related MBs and blogs are important in helping the myriad of people who are struggling and questioning and trying to make sense of their religion and their lives, but beyond that not much is really accomplished regarding religion or influencing the world. (And to be clear I do think these venues do help those who are struggling... I know I was enormously relieved to find others who held similar world views, beliefs, and ideas as did I).

But again, in my opinion the world is difficult and stressful enough that we don't need a bunch of nastiness on a MB meant to be entertaining, enjoyable; and informative and helpful.

In terms of going back... I think each individual needs to figure out how to balance their own sense of integrity and authenticity, the needs of their marriage and family, and the mental, spiritual, and emotional needs of their personal lives. It is not easy, not at all.



~td~

Well, you just can't take what's written on these boards too seriously. If it really does get you down or ruin your day, I'd suggest it's not for you, because no, it’s not worth it.

I've always maintained a very detached relationship to these boards, regarding them strictly as intermittent distractions from what's going on in my day. It's a place to dump whatever thoughts happen to be on my mind at any given time, and to be mildly entertained by others, both like-minded and otherwise.

But I'm certainly not invested in the opinion of others, especially those who I think lack intellectual integrity, because if I was, I'd likely jump off a tall building somewhere. As soon as you let the wing nuts have free rent in your head, they don't care about the place and start to wreck it.

While it's a good idea to consider opposing points of view, it's also a good idea to observe them with the same emotion as you would looking at some species of coral, for instance. Interesting, but not worth your energy.

Well I have no blog, and have no interest in doing a blog, at least about things LDS and where I personally am at with it all. I think if you do a blog you need to be prepared for all sorts of comments. You put your thoughts out there people can read and toss out their opinions. Some people will be jerks.

Same goes for a board like this. I certainly can tell you that I am not making any decisions about what I do based on what people say here, pro or con. This place is just entertainment really and a place to vent some things that maybe I cannot anywhere else.

But as noted before, I am going to do what I think is best for me and my family as far as religion and things LDS goes and while I like some of you here quite well I really am not looking for your approval about my activity level in the Mormon Church.

Runtu, you need to do the same. If you decided to participate more do it on your terms and make it work for you and your family. If not same thing. It is up to you and nobody else's opinion, except maybe your wife and kids, really matters.

I completely agree with Jason. Surprise, surprise. LOL

The most important thing is to do what is best for you and your family.

What I have learned and gained from participating on boards such as this, is that I don't have to reject the Church outright simply because I have problems with some of the doctrine.

There are core things that are much more important. For me, it's it family and my fundamental faith in Christ.

I don't make decisions on where I choose to worship based on opinions here or elsewhere.

As far as the LDS culture goes, though, I have learned when to say no, and, like Jason pointed out, have served in callings on my own terms, in ways that are complimentary to my family.

You are the one if the kindest, most genuine people I know, John.

You are the last person who deserves to take crap from anyone.

Runtu wrote:The other day my home teacher repeated what he has said many times to me: I need to go back to the church because the stakes are so high if I don't. I've been mulling it over, and I mentioned on my blog that I've thought about going back and trying to participate as best I can, even though I don't believe.

Anyway, this isn't about my going back or not. What I found interesting is that most of the ex-Mormons I know have just told me to do what I feel is right and what I can live with, but I've gotten hate mail from some who claim to be church members (they're regular hate-mailers). One in particular said that I should spend less time with my head in a place where the sun doesn't shine and read the Book of Mormon. Another used some choice language to describe me and other doubters.

It got me kind of angry, and then I felt bad for getting angry. I wondered whether any of this is worth all the rancor and bad feelings. I've been around these boards for way too long, and I have contributed as much as anyone to the "contention" and hard feelings. But why? What exactly are we accomplishing when we fight amongst ourselves? Who gains, and what do they gain?

I'm beginning to think that the stakes aren't high enough to warrant getting exercised about these issues. It's just not worth ruining someone's day. It's just religion, you know.

You know what, John? I'm going to surprise you here. But I think that the presumptions of Mormonism are such that the stakes are higher than "it's just religion." I've always believed that. I've always believed in statements like the famous one by Orson Pratt -- that it's either exactly what it says it is or it is probably the biggest fraud to ever be perpetrated.

That being the case, what does a man of conviction and courage do? I say he chooses one stance or another and boldly defends his position against all comers.

That's what I would do. And I would never begrudge any other man doing the same -- even if he was an "evil apostate" on the other side of the divide.