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Will, you just can’t seem to figure out why you are not even a 2nd class apologist or why you aren’t part of the Skinny-L or why DCP and the apologetic calvary never come running to your rescue. Could it be that you have offended them? Or, possibly that they find you as vulgar as everyone else here at “The Great and Spacious Trailer Park” finds you.

While I am not a fan of the major of mopologists, DCP included. At least, DCP and others have not sank to the level that you have Willy. For the most part they are gentlemen. I truly believe that Willy you are an embarrassment to DCP and others. I will start with a few examples how you even offend them.

From the thread: Welcome question for Mr. Peterson: Where is the stone box?

Dan,

If you insist on coming over here to Shadyburg, and in the process increase their traffic several fold, the least you could do is permit me to begin charging (per head) for the privilege and honor of scrapping with you.

You know, we could sneak down tonight and turn the sprinklers on the field at Lavell Edwards Stadium, make a nice mudhole at midfield, and I could charge ten bucks a pop to have you and Scratch and Scratch wrestle. I’d split the proceeds with you 60/40.

In fact, now that I think about it, I’ll bet people would pay even more to watch Julie Reynolds and beastie go after it!

Mmmmmmmmmmm … let me see … $15 bucks for admission, $3 hotdogs, $6 spiked Sprite … we could have a bona fide riot on our hands in no time at all.

Give it some thought …

Willy, I doubt that DCP found that post funny, maybe, but I doubt it. Also, Willy you insult another MAD icon, Juliann. This really can’t be considered an intelligent apologetic advancement maneuver on your part. I also believe that DCP didn’t approve of your treatment of his dearest MAD moderator.

From the thread: What is the Mopologetic "skinny-l" Listserve?

You know, Dan, I understand my morbid fascination with the goings on here in The Great and Spacious Trailer Park. I more or less grew up on the wrong side of the tracks and so I have a soft spot in my heart for snotty-nosed, shabby bastard children like Mr. Scratch and his cohorts here in the Circle Jerk Suite.

What's your excuse?

A question I really doubt that DCP appreciated being asked. He's not going to descend to your level.

What's the current exhibition at the art museum? If it's still the Minerva Teichert stuff, I'd love to check it out again. Then I could go talk to my uppity BYU professor friends afterwards. You know, they're all so damn geeky, it makes you wonder how they could possibly be uppity, but higher education can do that to a man, you know, the whole "puffed up with learning" disease?

I am sure that DCP loved that post especially when it seems to be directed at him.

However, I’m really sorry to disappoint you, but like I told you before, I’ve already got my calling and election made sure, so I really can’t go wrong from here on out unless I shed some innocent blood – and we both know I ain’t gonna find any of that here.

The height of arrogance, I am sure DCP liked your arrogance, not.

Some quotes by DCP during discourse about Willy’s vulgarness that I believe indicate he doesn’t approve of Willy’s style and vulgarness:

… potty humor and crude sexual references aren't my style. (In case anybody has managed not to notice that.)

I'm not a fan of crude sexual jokes and bathroom humor and I don't typically follow exchanges where I can see that that's the direction they're taking.

I've said that I don't endorse and don't engage in crude sexual humor.

That's pretty clear.

About the best endorsement that DCP gave you Willy is the following:

Some on the small Maxwell Institute staff are aware of him. One or two of those who've written for the Institute probably also know that he has posted regarding the Book of Abraham.

I myself met him briefly at a FAIR conference some years back, and my wife and I once spoke with him and his daughter in the parking lot after an evening performance at the Utah Shakespearean Festival in Cedar City two or three years ago.

Other than myself, I doubt very much that any of the leadership of the Institute (our Executive Director, Associate Executive Director, Assistant Executive Director, Director of FARMS, Director of CPART, Director of Electronic Publishing, accountant, receptionists, or donor liason) are familiar with him.

Willy you are a nobody!

The following is a small medley of Willy’s potty mouthed posts. While I will say that in some cases he was provoked but for most part Willy is just plain vulgar without provoking. This is just his normal operating mode. This vulgarity gets directed everywhere and to everyone even to his own wife.

Like a skanky whore with festering sores and lice crawling through her hair, Scratchy shows wherever she goes, the stench of disease precedes her.

… a whore is a deep ditch; and a strange woman is a narrow pit.

For whatever it's worth, TD, I want you to know that I would never piss on your rug.

Even if you did buy it at Walmart.

First of all, you try to tell my beloved 22-year-old "wenchlette" to "shut up and do as you're told." She'd kick your pansy-ass from here to Montana, let you stew in your humiliation for a while, then come back and mock you for good measure.

As for my my wife, the "Wrong-headed-wench" -- well, you should hear what she calls me.

Anyway, that one character flaw aside, I respect The Dude for not being afraid to wear his godless-heathen-bastardness on his sleeve. I'll speak in his behalf when they damn him to eternal torment, and I'll bring along a full cooler of Pilsner Urquels when I go to visit him in hell.

What gratuituous self-flattery!!! You’d love that, wouldn’t you? It’d be like a thousand orgasms times two. Well, OK … maybe not a thousand x 2, but you get the idea.

And now for something completely stupid....
That, and a pair of testicles, of course.

Per Kimberly Ann’s request, and because my heart is still twitterpated at the recollection of her in slinky black dress

Now, the bad boys in the room may resume their circle jerk unimpeded by any sense that they're engaged in something immoral.

Why don't you just get off your habit-fattened ass and drag your broken heart and contrite spirit into the bishop's office, lay it all on the table, and begin the process? You stupid bastard! Don't you know that it's either now or later? And that it's a lot better to just get it over with now rather than waiting until the day when you'll wish you could do anything rather than be exposed to "the glance of his all-searching eye?"

Unlike me. I revel in being simultaneously malicious and condescending. And if I can piss someone off in the process, all the better.

And if I ever meet Mr. Scratch on the street, I'll knock him on his ass, pin him to the ground, and stick blades of grass up his nose until he cries.

Funny you should say that. I was teaching a primary class at the time that photo was taken. (The bishop in our new ward wouldn't dare turn me loose on the adults at that point.) It was a class with 7 extremely rowdy 9-year-old boys and 2 shy girls. I had a great time dealing with them. The boys were really obedient after the first Sunday when I grabbed the worst offender and pressed him against the ceiling and told him he'd better behave or he wouldn't live through the day.

Dare I say, CHILD ABUSE!

Oh, well TD. It looks like someone else gets the girls again and we're left alone with the rug and the bag ...

Hey, stop bogartin' that bone!

I love to read the testimonies of the women who claimed that Joseph had slept with them. It took cajones to do that back in the late 19th century. And they weren’t any too ashamed of it, either. They were downright honored to have shared a bed with Joseph Smith.

Us good TBM guys have that effect on our women. If you don’t believe me, just ask my wife.

Yeah, that's real nice of you wench. Now get back in the kitchen and make me some cookies.

And take off those damn shoes before I smack you silly!

From the thread: Praise to the man! (Gary Gygax obituary)

I'll be over shortly to piss on your rug.

GoodK is just like you, Scratchy. He doesn't know s*** from Shinola.

Then again, that's never stopped you from turning a turd into a meal, has it?

Here Scratchy and GoodK and a small group of intimate friends were pleasantly engaged in another of the now-almost-legendary Shadyville Circle Jerks, and you open the door and turn on the lights.

I've watched you grow dumber over the course of the past two years.

I hope, at least, that you're happier now. What with your wife wearing her tanktop and panties to bed and everything.

My wife just wears the tanktop -- at least for 45 minutes or so. She likes to sleep in her soft flannel jammies.

Go away, Lizzie. This conversation is over your pretty little head. You want to moderate my comments, go right ahead. Put some bite in your bitchiness.

In retrospect, I have no idea if you even have a “pretty little head.” You see, I am as handsome as my avatar suggests, but I have serious doubts that you are as good looking as your avatar would lead us believe. I’ll bet you’re a wrinkled middle-aged woman with varicose veins and more good years behind you than ahead of you. Right?

That’s a side of me, and that was just how it manifest itself in my actions.

And besides, you’re just jealous that I like Kimberly’s cleavage better than yours. But hey, at 50 what’s a woman to do?

No, it’s just because Emma was a champion bitch and no one else would have her except Joseph.

By the way, I for one am quite confident that most of you losers here in the Trailer Park are shameless buggerers. Else why your proclivity for the orgiastic circle jerks in which you all enthusiastically participate? Like this thread, for example. Graham tosses out the biscuit, and you're all in a circle on a moment's notice.

Naturally, no one wants to be called a snotty-nosed shabby bastard child to his/her own face. That’s why I do it via message board.

Mad, dishonest, stupid or now ... even vulgar.

I have you beat by one order of denigration.

Like a skanky whore with festering sores and lice crawling through her hair, Scratchy shows wherever she goes, the stench of disease precedes her.

And, like the shabby trailer park slut you are, I'm sure you'll keep on scoring them, one after another until all the faces look the same.

He saith as he hastens to join the shameless circle again.

I hope you and your incestuous, whorish, slutish, circle-jerking clan have a wonderful weekend.

News to me. I’ve got a great wench … er, sweetheart. She’s one middle-aged baby boomer hottie with all the skills I could ask for – and more. In fact, she could also kick your ass from here to next week – and beyond.

Omg. You're an actor with a mullet from Cedar City, UT? LOLOL. You're a f****in' douche... lolol...

By the way, liz, just for the record, I actually think you'd look quite hot in a tank top. On the back of a Harley. With a tattoo. Of a scorpion. On the small of your back.

Oooh, baby!

Willy talking about his Stake President:

No need now. I've pointed him to this message board and given him specific links to the threads in question. I think that's him I hear laughing right now from half way across town.

You see, my dear antagonist, the flaw in your plan to "expose" me is that I am absolutely no different on this message board than I am in real life. That's a game for others to play. My stake president would not be shocked (or chagrined) at me calling you apostates filthy whores of Babylon. Indeed, he might just add a few adjectives to the mix.

It's no wonder you people couldn't hack it as Mormons. You don't have a freaking clue -- about the nature of God or His people. That's why it shocks you to have someone declare that Porter Rockwell is in heaven, and apostates go to hell.

William Schryver wrote:

We all know that you're really just a dorky-looking fat man who used to be a dorky-looking kid who wished he could hang with the cool people in high school, but was too freaking geeky to even get a date until he was eighteen-years-old. You aspire to cool, but you don't even know what it means. Cool is tossing fish food in a piranha tank and then smacking the little bastards with your fist when they rise to the bait.

And of course you'd regard my most recent work as "increasingly obnoxious." After all, you've never been averse to taking your place right in the middle of the circle, heartily pounding out an approving beat [this presumably referring to the act of stroking one's glans during a masturbatory act] for each and every orgiastic excess. You belong here.

Furthermore, you are a cowardly and shameless liar, sir. You are a whorish panderer to the sordid desires of your clientele here in the GSTP™. You and Scratchy are a matched pair of filthy harlots whose stench must even wrinkle the noses of long-time residents.

***

Daniel Peterson wrote:
If, having surveyed the writings and speeches of a representative sample of defenders of the faith (e.g., Louis Midgley, Brant Gardner, yours truly, William Hamblin, David Paulsen, Davis Bitton, Matthew Roper, John Welch, Blake Ostler, etc.), you find that tawdry, base ridiculousness and crude sexual metaphors are typical of them, or even publicly approved by them -- if, say, FARMS and FAIR provide a receptive venue for such discourse in the manner in which this board is receptive to the discourse of boaz & lidia, infymus, TAK, Mercury, Chap, poor antishock8, Some Schmo, Polygamy Porter, and the like -- you'll have a secure basis for your generalization.

Runtu wrote:

Dan, Will is the one suggesting that you guys privately enjoy this kind of crudeness, so appealing to the idea that Mercury et al. are worse in public doesn't help.

****

Willy referring to his supposed friends:

I also happen to know that these particular friends are acutely conscious of the semantic distinctions between a circle jerk as an activity engaged in by adolescent boys (it has nothing to do with homosexuals, contra cksalmon’s frequent misrepresentations thereof) and a circle jerk as "a pompous, self-congratulatory discussion."

Then again, these are educated men who also know the difference between intercourse as "sexual contact" and intercourse as "connection or dealings between persons or groups." As also the difference between incestuous as ” sexual intercourse between persons so closely related that they are forbidden by law to marry” and incestuous as meaning simply ”excessively or improperly intimate or exclusive”. As also the difference between whore as ”a promiscuous or immoral woman” and whore as “a venal or unscrupulous person”.

In the final analysis, when I use a word, it means just what I choose it to mean -- neither more nor less.

And I choose my words carefully.

Thus, when I characterize Mr. Scratch as a wanton whore whose diseased stench afflicts every corner of this wretched place, that is precisely what I mean. Neither more nor less.

That I have friends (“in high places” as it were) who occasionally find my comments amusing is less attributable to their vulgarity (or my own, for that matter) than it is to their familiarity with the nuances of the English language and their admiration for someone who knows how to wield it with a certain savoir faire. Indeed, much of their amusement is attributable to the motivated ignorance of the majority of the posters here in the GSTP™, and the banal ways in which that apparently-intentional ignorance manifests itself in the comical reactions to the things I say.

Willy you are pathetic, do you really have friends? “Choose your words carefully”, sure you do!

From the thread: Every LDS MDB and MAD poster going against the prophets...

beastie wrote:

Will, I never doubted, even for a second, that you would be proud of your "accomplishments" here.

However, I, for one, hope you continue your standard level of obnoxious, sexually-tinged posting. It's a great advertisement for the LDS church and its members.

Will wrote in reply:

I think you should, instead of repeatedly telling us how obnoxious I am, actually demonstrate it via example. Like the thing I said to Liz that you just quoted above. That was great. I think you should assemble all the outrageously-vulgar things I have said into a single post, so that -- in future -- everyone can just link to that single location when the question of Schryver vulgarity comes up.

Come on! Make it happen. Show the world just how B A D I really am.

[/quote]

Perhaps, this thread can serve this purpose.

For a mass example of Willy’s vulgar antics I suggest a review of the following thread.

Double Standard--Question for Will, et. al. from MAD

viewtopic.php?f=1&t=6745&st=0&sk=t&sd=a&hilit=double+standard&start=294

Willy will never make it to bottom tier of apologetics yet alone the top tier of apologetics, he is too vulgar, he offends them and he is no gentleman.

Willy’s favorite refrain:

Whore
Idiot
Lice crawling through your hair
Legendary Shadyville Circle Jerk
Indignant
Slut
Asshole
Bastard
Uppity
Turd
Testicle
Harlot
Evil
Act of stroking one's glans during a masturbatory act
Douche

You own words speak for themselves.

Have a blessed day!
Pok

Pig-in-a-Pokatator:

Will, you just can’t seem to figure out why you are not even a 2nd class apologist or why you aren’t part of the Skinny-L or why DCP and the apologetic calvary never come running to your rescue. Could it be that you have offended them? Or, possibly that they find you as vulgar as everyone else here at “The Great and Spacious Trailer Park” finds you.

I don’t think you know anything about my relationships with the people you seem to think constitute “1st class apologists.”

If they are embarrassed by me, it doesn’t show in the regular conversations I have with many of them.

Is it possible, perhaps, that they don’t see things the way you do?

I also know that they don't feel I have ever been in need of rescue. That's a delusion entertained only here among you and your circle-jerk buddies.

By the way, thanks for going to such a concerted effort to gather together some of the gems of my days here in The Great and Spacious Trailer Park™. Reading through them caused me to laugh out loud several times. Strangely enough, my guilt sensor was not activated even once. Maybe I’m just “past feeling.”

However, you also quoted this:

Omg. You're an actor with a mullet from Cedar City, UT? LOLOL. You're a f***in' douche... lolol...

Why did you cite this as though I wrote it?

I did not.
.
.
.
Edit: Incidentally, I will be leaving shortly to drive to Provo to meet, face to face, with certain of these "1st Class Apologists" who find me disgusting in almost every particular. I hope they bring some air freshener to mask the smell ...

Why don't you just get off your habit-fattened ass and drag your broken heart and contrite spirit into the bishop's office, lay it all on the table, and begin the process? You stupid bastard! Don't you know that it's either now or later? And that it's a lot better to just get it over with now rather than waiting until the day when you'll wish you could do anything rather than be exposed to "the glance of his all-searching eye?"

I'm quite sure this was directed at me. I admit it was quite a stab at the time. But I think I deserved it. Like I said, I'm ever grateful to Will. No, I didn't go see the bishop, and if he had come around that day I probably would have kicked his ass to kingdom come. (Just doing a "Willieism")

Ray:

I'm quite sure this was directed at me.

It was, indeed.

I'm truly sorry that you rejected my sincere invitation to set your life in order once again.

Now you're left with nothing but your cab, your brew, and your curse.

What a shame ...

William Schryver wrote:It was, indeed.

I'm truly sorry that you rejected my sincere invitation to set your life in order once again.

Now you're left with nothing but your cab, your brew, and your curse.

What a shame ...

It's okay Will. I have a lot more than that, which you will never see nor realise. It's probably better for you to keep that stereotype since it feeds your sense of purpose in life. Hoffer was right about that one. I was once a tormented religious soul like you, and I know too well how difficult it is to escape that mindset. To be trapped in that is the real curse. But maybe one day you'll escape it.

Ray A wrote:It's okay Will. I have a lot more than that, which you will never see nor realise. It's probably better for you to keep that stereotype since it feeds your sense of purpose in life. Hoffer was right about that one. I was once a tormented religious soul like you, and I know too well how difficult it is to escape that mindset. To be trapped in that is the real curse. But maybe one day you'll escape it.

I am proud to be associated with Ray A, even if it is only via the internet on this board. Ray has a keen mind, a big heart, and a sincere humanity about him that sets him apart from most people who engage in online Mormon discussions, and most people. I rejoice when people do things that bring them greater joy, and I think very little of those who set out to spoil it for them. If being out of Mormonism is better for Ray, then I am happy for Ray for discovering that. Of course, I came to the same conclusion about myself, but I harbor no animus toward those who are happy Mormons and good human beings.

Thanks Trevor, and ditto. If Mormons are happy they can post on MAD to their heart's content. I'm not going to spoil their party. As my elder, and wiser, brother told me 35 years ago when I worked for him, "you can throw away your life if you want, but not at my expense." Then he fired me. LOL. We are very close now, but what a remarkable journey it has been. As V.S. Naipaul once wrote, you start out on a journey to find yourself, and the truth, and you discover it when you return to the very point where you started, with a new understanding.

I need to give Ray A. honorable mention for adding the term scatologist to my vocabulary.

Thanx Ray

William Schryver wrote:I don’t think you know anything about my relationships with the people you seem to think constitute “1st class apologists.”

Perhaps, but I know your online persona, and I can quote you where you say you are the same off line, I believe you.

If they are embarrassed by me, it doesn’t show in the regular conversations I have with many of them.

Perhaps, they are polite or just humoring you.

Is it possible, perhaps, that they don’t see things the way you do?

That would explain it.

I also know that they don't feel I have ever been in need of rescue. That's a delusion entertained only here among you and your circle-jerk buddies.

There goes the potty-mouth again.

By the way, thanks for going to such a concerted effort to gather together some of the gems of my days here in The Great and Spacious Trailer Park™. Reading through them caused me to laugh out loud several times. Strangely enough, my guilt sensor was not activated even once. Maybe I’m just “past feeling.”

I knew you would enjoy it.

However, you also quoted this:

Omg. You're an actor with a mullet from Cedar City, UT? LOLOL. You're a f***in' douche... lolol...

Why did you cite this as though I wrote it?

I did not.

You are correct, I meant to use the remark of yours before that one. My bad, I apologize.

Edit: Incidentally, I will be leaving shortly to drive to Provo to meet, face to face, with certain of these "1st Class Apologists" who find me disgusting in almost every particular. I hope they bring some air freshener to mask the smell ...

I recommend scope and then febreeze. Pyrel if they shake your hand.

There can be no doubt that many apologists would find Willie embarrassing. They tend to prefer the attacks of someone like Pahoran. Many won't engage in the direct sort of attacks that Pahoran engages in, but find secret enjoyment when he does so. He's kind like their proxy for bad behavior.

Will, OTOH, is far too sexually vulgar to please other apologists in this manner.

There's some sort of email group that, at least at one time, many of the internet defenders of the faith participated on. Not skinny-l, something more for the masses. I remember a bit of a scandal when a fellow defender of the faith was kicked off the email group. I wonder if it was Will. There was behind the scenes whispering at Z that the guy was kicked off due to offensive behavior towards some of the women.