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This question mainly goes out to those who served an LDS mission or were bishop or something where your life was basically all church and everything else was pushed out.

Was I happy? I certainly projected being happy. But happiness was a duty that I was complying with because I knew it was expected that I at leat make others think I was. But was I happy on the inside? Absolutely not. This is partly why I get so infuriated when people insist that the gospel is its own reward in this life. If anything it was its own punishment, if it turns out it isn't true.

I will admit that I felt peaceful and still do to some degree from my supernatural beliefs. But these beliefs were very much unique to me and as I indicated in the paragraph above, most Mormons did not share them. And while the peace these beliefs provided was pleasant in an other worldly way, they never completely take away the pain of the present. That's life and it comes regardless of what you believe. But now, the burden isn't quite so heavy because I don't feel like I owe it to anyone to fake it as if I'm enjoying it. I'm free to be myself and it feels good to not have to pretend.

No family around for me today. All alone and I must say it's been great. I didn't go to Church today. I did nothing. And in the words of Ron Livingston, "It was everything I thought it could be." No, it won't last, but if there is a lasting happiness, it must be this day I've had replayed many times over.

ajax18 wrote:Was I happy? I certainly projected being happy. But happiness was a duty that I was complying with because I knew it was expected that I at leat make others think I was. But was I happy on the inside? Absolutely not.

Thanks Ajax,

That's an interesting concept that hasn't occurred to me (the duty/compliance part anyway).

I used to do that. That was me.

I see that in my mother's smile too. It's reminded me of someone with broken ribs that's trying not to laugh. I've never known someone with so much pain in a smile before and she's had it for years. She has a lot to be sad about since she thinks she has to be so strong for all the apostates in her family that we know will never change.

I guess a smile (or projecting happiness) equates to not giving up hope - whether the hope is real or contrived.

ajax18 wrote:This question mainly goes out to those who served an LDS mission or were bishop or something where your life was basically all church and everything else was pushed out.

1. I burned my mission journal.

2. I asked to be released as a bishop.

That should suffice.

Now that I have control of my life, no one's going to rip it off again.

I was happy, but for two long years I looked forward to the end of my mission like a kid on Christmas eve who knows he's about to get the best present of his whole life. There was a fixed date on the calendar that I could look forward to. A calling like Bishop would have been tough, without an end date. When my mission finally ended on that summer day, I ran freeeeee at last, I ran and ran, and didn't stop running until I was right out of the Church.

Yeah I think a lot of people run once they get the chance.

You know this may sound weird but I listened to Joel Osteen today and I thought his sermon was just phenomenal. It didn't remind me of the evangelical theology I knew at all. His whole talk was on God vindicating the faithful. I loved it. To me it carried the same power and sentiment as the Sermon on the Mount. I guess that fits since the people Jesus was speaking to were seeking vindication from Rome that they new would never happen on earth.

But yeah, I was a lot happier after hearing it. Yes you could say he's just a soothesayer, but sometimes being a believing fool lets you be happy. But I wasn't even close to happy believing what Mormonism was cramming down my throat let alone whether it was true or not. But I guess they knew I'd already been recruited and secured so no need to waste any painkillers on this one.