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The Bible is Seriously Whack!

Get a load of this ridiculous insanity from the Bible!

God tells some folks to use human poop to cook their food! I kid you not. Is that hilariously stupid or what? That God dude must be frickin' insane! ROTF!

But God later relents and let's them use cow dung to cook the food instead of human poo.

He must of been getting too many complaints. LOL!

And to think some people actually take the Bible serious!

Yeah right, God tells 'em to use human poop to cook with.

The Bible is definitely whack!!!

Relevant text about cooking with human poop is in bold below. God makes them do some other totally stupid things also as you will see.

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King James Version: Ezekiel Chapter 4

1*Thou also, son of man, take thee a tile, and lay it before thee, and pourtray upon it the city, even Jerusalem:
2*And lay siege against it, and build a fort against it, and cast a mount against it; set the camp also against it, and set battering rams against it round about.
3*Moreover take thou unto thee an iron pan, and set it for a wall of iron between thee and the city: and set thy face against it, and it shall be besieged, and thou shalt lay siege against it. This shall be a sign to the house of Israel.
4*Lie thou also upon thy left side, and lay the iniquity of the house of Israel upon it: according to the number of the days that thou shalt lie upon it thou shalt bear their iniquity.
5*For I have laid upon thee the years of their iniquity, according to the number of the days, three hundred and ninety days: so shalt thou bear the iniquity of the house of Israel.
6*And when thou hast accomplished them, lie again on thy right side, and thou shalt bear the iniquity of the house of Judah forty days: I have appointed thee each day for a year.
7*Therefore thou shalt set thy face toward the siege of Jerusalem, and thine arm shall be uncovered, and thou shalt prophesy against it.
8*And, behold, I will lay bands upon thee, and thou shalt not turn thee from one side to another, till thou hast ended the days of thy siege.
9*Take thou also unto thee wheat, and barley, and beans, and lentiles, and millet, and fitches, and put them in one vessel, and make thee bread thereof, according to the number of the days that thou shalt lie upon thy side, three hundred and ninety days shalt thou eat thereof.
10*And thy meat which thou shalt eat shall be by weight, twenty shekels a day: from time to time shalt thou eat it.
11*Thou shalt drink also water by measure, the sixth part of an hin: from time to time shalt thou drink.
12*And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight.
13*And the LORD said, Even thus shall the children of Israel eat their defiled bread among the Gentiles, whither I will drive them.
14*Then said I, Ah Lord GOD! behold, my soul hath not been polluted: for from my youth up even till now have I not eaten of that which dieth of itself, or is torn in pieces; neither came there abominable flesh into my mouth.
15*Then he said unto me, Lo, I have given thee cow's dung for man's dung, and thou shalt prepare thy bread therewith.
16*Moreover he said unto me, Son of man, behold, I will break the staff of bread in Jerusalem: and they shall eat bread by weight, and with care; and they shall drink water by measure, and with astonishment:
17*That they may want bread and water, and be astonied one with another, and consume away for their iniquity.

You can find a hilarious video about this on the NonStampCollectors channel at YouTube. It is hilarious as are all NonStampCollectors videos are.

If you are considering (or if God tells you to)using your poop to cook your food over I suggest letting it dry out first or it won't burn to good.

Here is the Link to an hilarious video by NonStampCollector on the above passages.

Cooking with Yahweh
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CFbwqyZQF0&feature=channel

NonStampCollector ~What can I say? Here's my take on perhaps the weirdest chapter in the Bible.
Ezekiel 4:1-15 (Yes, that's the CONTEXT, OUT OF which I made this video)

Looking at the finished product here - I think this time I may have gone too far. This video is BATTY. But then, I think, that must mean I've done a pretty good re-make of the original, coz that's friggin insane too.

Don't you know the difference between literalism and symbolism? God never intended anyone to cook with poop. It appears to me to be nothing more than a symbolic presentation to show the dire situation the people were in.

Commentary by A. R. FAUSSET
Eze 4:1-17 . SYMBOLICAL VISION OF THE SIEGE AND THE INIQUITY-BEARING.

12. dung--as fuel; so the Arabs use beasts' dung, wood fuel being scarce. But to use human dung so implies the most cruel necessity. It was in violation of the law ( Deu 14:3 23:12-14 ); it must therefore have been done only in vision.

Paul O

Paul Osborne wrote:Don't you know the difference between literalism and symbolism? God never intended anyone to cook with poop. It appears to me to be nothing more than a symbolic presentation to show the dire situation the people were in.

Commentary by A. R. FAUSSET
Eze 4:1-17 . SYMBOLICAL VISION OF THE SIEGE AND THE INIQUITY-BEARING.

12. dung--as fuel; so the Arabs use beasts' dung, wood fuel being scarce. But to use human dung so implies the most cruel necessity. It was in violation of the law ( Deu 14:3 23:12-14 ); it must therefore have been done only in vision.

Paul O

I understand that the Mormons trekking across the plain used buffalo crap as cooking fuel. Using human crap seems a bit over the top, but in extreme cases, might work. Wouldn't it need to be dried first, though.

When the GIs first arrived in Korea, one of their first impressions was the smell, as the Koreans at that time used human crap to fertilize their fields. Not sure if this is relevant, but thought it was somehow tangentially interesting.

Cooking with human crap is one of the least absurdities of the Old Testament coming from the manic-depressive, murderous tribal God Jehovah. If Jehovah were made flesh today, he'd be considered a socio-path.

Paul Osborne wrote:Don't you know the difference between literalism and symbolism?

Yes, in fact I do.

God never intended anyone to cook with poop. It appears to me to be nothing more than a symbolic presentation to show the dire situation the people were in.

Symbolic presentation or not it is still frickin' ridiculous. So you think these asinine passages were God inspired? If that were so then that would make God (an imaginary being) a frickin' idiot.

Commentary by A. R. FAUSSET
Eze 4:1-17 . SYMBOLICAL VISION OF THE SIEGE AND THE INIQUITY-BEARING.

12. dung--as fuel; so the Arabs use beasts' dung, wood fuel being scarce. But to use human dung so implies the most cruel necessity. It was in violation of the law ( Deu 14:3 23:12-14 ); it must therefore have been done only in vision.

FAUSSET? Wasn't he some Church of England tool?

Paul Osborne wrote:Cooking with human s*** is one of the least absurdities of the Old Testament coming from the manic-depressive, murderous tribal God Jehovah. If Jehovah were made flesh today, he'd be considered a socio-path.

Agreed. The God of the Bible makes Pol Pot look like an amateur.

Jesus told us to be like doves. LOL. People can't lay eggs. What a stupid statement.

If you have to read books written for adults with this kind of mind you should at least have the dignity not to comment on them.

The Nehor wrote:Jesus told us to be like doves. LOL. People can't lay eggs. What a stupid statement.

I agree, this is one of the stupider statements you have made.

If you have to read books written for adults with this kind of mind you should at least have the dignity not to comment on them.

First off your analogy doesn't work at all. Dignity? Telling folks to cook their bread with their poop? I suppose that's showing dignity? You are being as rediculous as Ezekiel.

I wasn't saying Ezekiel was using dignity here. He was using harsh metaphor to convey something to people. I'm saying that you lack any dignity confessing your ignorance of basic symbolism and metaphor.

Incidentally, what made you single this passage out? Scat fetish?

Paul Osborne wrote:Commentary by A. R. FAUSSET
Eze 4:1-17 . SYMBOLICAL VISION OF THE SIEGE AND THE INIQUITY-BEARING.

12. dung--as fuel; so the Arabs use beasts' dung, wood fuel being scarce. But to use human dung so implies the most cruel necessity. It was in violation of the law ( Deu 14:3 23:12-14 ); it must therefore have been done only in vision.

The convenient thing about symbolism and metaphor is that if the reader or commentator come to the text with the predetermination that it is accurate, it can be used to patch together virtually any inaccuracy or contradiction that could possibly exist in the text. See above:

Observed inconsistency: It was in violation of the law
THEREFORE
Conclusion: Vision, not reality

The premise that must exist for this conclusion to be drawn, however, is that the text itself is neither inaccurate nor incongruent.