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We were indeed edified!

Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2009 6:43 am
by _David A. Bednar
My dear Brothers and Sisters:

Elder Packer has asked me once again to visit with all of you here on Dr. Shades' free-for-all board.

Brother Packer knows that I am firmly harnessed to the gospel, and that the fiery darts of apostasy, which fly here with abandon, will never penetrate my soul, for I have taken on the whole armour of God. (I loved the Ironman movie).

I can not say the same for many of the rest of you who reside here. But, to the point of my post.

The FAIR conference has now come to a close. We have been edified. Our testimonies have been nourished, indeed, even enriched. We all wished for more, but all good things must come to an end, as they say somewhere. I forgot where, however.

I could dare say that I have been enriched and edified far more than from any General Conference I have previously attended, at least in recent memory.

We're indeed grateful to the brothers and sister who participated in this unforgettable conference. The Spirit was rich, even in abundance. Indeed, we in the quorum of the 15 apostles, gleaned much from each of the presentations. (We purchased the streaming video, not with tithing funds, of course.)

Of specific note, we have been saddened of late by all the vitriolic attacks on our Egyptian apologists in the church. But, Brother Gee proved the naysayers were just that, naysayers. He has the fundamentals correct. In the end, it is true, we don't quote much from the Pearl of Great Price these days. We focus our energies on the scriptures we know to be true, in other words, the scriptures that are backed up with evidence.

I have been to the Old World, indeed I have recently visited even Nahom. The Spirit was there in abundance. There in the cemetery, we broke bread together (my wife and I), and felt the spirits of that special place encircling us with love and gratitude that they have not been forgotten. I have been given authority from Brother Packer to inform you all that, we, the quorum of the 15, have decided to use some of the tithing funds which are so faithfully deposited with our faithful Bishops throughout the world, to purchase the land in and around Nahom, to build a monument, much like the one at Mountain Meadow, in honor of those who gave up their lives for the building of the Kingdom of God, which is surely to come, yea, much sooner than even The Nehor expects.

We are awaiting that day and know from the Spirit that indeed it will come soon. How soon we know not, but soon it will be.

That is very clear. But, back to the conference. Did I mention that we were edified and filled with the Spirit? Indeed, we were.

Brother Gardner confirmed to us that magic can indeed be part of the gospel, if applied properly to the building up of the Kingdom of God. You can all rest assured that we will begin in General Conference, yea, even at our next gathering, to mention the 'translation from a hat' trick.

What those who have failed the test of faith have yet to realize, and may never realize, is that we have never been embarrassed by such translation methods. (Well, Brother Uchtdorf was a bit surprised, but we have explained to him that such a translation process is no greater a miracle than flying a Boeing 747 across the Atlantic. He was satisfied with that explanation, as all the naysayers should be.)

The Spirit is a great unifier. We pray that you together on this board will be edified by the Spirit, and that 'he that preacheth and he that receiveth, understand one another, and both are edified and rejoice together. And that which doth not edify is not of God, and is darkness.'

Take this to heart the both of you, Harmony and Marg. 'And, again, verily I say unto you (two), and I say it that you may know the truth, that you may chase darkness from among you.'

To all of you, here, we send out our message of love to you and command you to chase away the darkness from among you, that you, too, may be encircled by the spirits from Nahom, and come to taste even just a bit of the love of Christ.

This is our prayer, even my prayer for all of you.

Your brother, forever, in the harness of the Gospel, yea, even one of the especial 15 witnesses that Christ is real and that He loves you dearly and is patiently awaiting your knock at the door.

Amen.

Re: We were indeed edified!

Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2009 7:09 am
by _marg
It's good you are here Bednar, I think. Now do you think that if I tell a faithful Mormon they'd make a good polygamous wife or husband ..that that is being nasty? Shouldn't it be viewed as a compliment, that I'm commenting on their obedience to the church, placing the church before themselves? In addition it is a compliment to them on the level of faith I think they have in the Church's teachings generally.

by the way, after doing some research I learned that at the time J. Smith tried to get the idea of polygamy going, albeit he didn't want hassles of taking care of women involved, but at that time there were actually more women to men in the area in which male missionaries were sent to get converts, namely England, New England and New York. This is contrary to what Harmony seems to think, and Beastie as well. So it makes sense to encourage polygamy on a number of different levels, although granted the women wouldn't have the greatest life, but one would need to look at the alternatives to determine if their lives would be significantly worse off and it therefore unethical.

And then even in Utah during the decade of the 1850's due to the influx of women converts the ratio of women was greater than men..so again on a number of different levels polygamy would make sense. And to some extent unlike the polygamous communites of off shoot Mormon sects now there was not the problem of excess young boys to girls.

Re: We were indeed edified!

Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2009 7:11 am
by _Inconceivable
David who?

Re: We were indeed edified!

Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2009 7:44 am
by _David A. Bednar
marg wrote:It's good you are here Bednar, I think. Now do you think that if I tell a faithful Mormon they'd make a good polygamous wife or husband ..that that is being nasty? Shouldn't it be viewed as a compliment, that I'm commenting on their obedience to the church, placing the church before themselves? In addition it is a compliment to them on the level of faith I think they have in the Church's teachings generally.

by the way, after doing some research I learned that at the time J. Smith tried to get the idea of polygamy going, albeit he didn't want hassles of taking care of women involved, but at that time there were actually more women to men in the area in which male missionaries were sent to get converts, namely England, New England and New York. This is contrary to what Harmony seems to think, and Beastie as well. So it makes sense to encourage polygamy on a number of different levels, although granted the women wouldn't have the greatest life, but one would need to look at the alternatives to determine if their lives would be significantly worse off and it therefore unethical.

And then even in Utah during the decade of the 1850's due to the influx of women converts the ratio of women was greater than men..so again on a number of different levels polygamy would make sense. And to some extent unlike the polygamous communites of off shoot Mormon sects now there was not the problem of excess young boys to girls.


My dear Sister, Marg:

I have always appreciated your sincere desire to commune with the faithful Saints. God bless you. If you bare your trials with grace and humility, you too can enter into at least one of the three levels of glory. Isn't that a marvelous thing? Indeed it is, as you know.

Indeed, it is a compliment, at least as this faithful, harnessed servant of God sees it. Calling a spade, a spade, has never been a bad thing. That is one of the many traits that Joseph used to his fullest capacity. (For reference, see his comments concerning dear Elder Pratt's wife.) No truer words could have been spoken by a Prophet of God.

It is true that in the past there have been brothers in the quorum of the 15 who have been willing to put up with those who sit on the fence and can't seem to get off it. We are getting tired of this approach to the gospel. Our patience can only last so long. I personally have never liked cafeteria food, if you get my drift. (You should try the COB cafeteria sometime, when you come to visit, and you will know what I mean, first hand.)

Those who partake of the sacrament on Sundays in our chapel pews, to renew their covenants, should be wishing for that day when they can participate in polygamy. What a glorious principle! Yea, even the greatest of all celestial principles! My dear wife is already picking out her sister wives from the faithful Saints in Jamaica, where we spend most of our time. I am assisting her in that selection process. And very pleased to do so, I hasten to add.

We have a problem keeping our faithful male members here in Jamaica active in the gospel. They are so lazy, that they can't even get the tithes and fast offerings collected on time. If I have to hear 'Oh, I forgot. I will do it tomorrow after breakfast' one more time, I am going to explode. Without the principle of polygamy, where would these faithful Sisters in Jamaica end up? Yes, you are right. Their promised future would be as servants only, smoking blunts and forgetting to serve those in the highest kingdom their barley tea. What a sad future, if they couldn't join my family in celestial glory.

Now, about the ethics of polygamy. Well, this is a close call. But, I am with the early apostles who decried monogamy for the pit-stop that it is. There are no monogamous men in this world. It is funny that our dear Sisters believe this is possible and have disregarded the sermons of our early leaders as opinions, rather than doctrine.

Personally, I believe there are yet to be revealed many doctrines that our brothers and sisters today are unable to follow due to their hypocrisy and wickedness (well, excepting our dear Wade). The greatest principle yet to be revealed, except to the brethren in the quorum of 15, is the even higher celestial principle, that of polyamory. That is where it really is at. When President Monson reveals that principle, and it shall be very soon, I fear the harnesses will be empty. That will indeed be the test of faith.

Any further questions?

Re: We were indeed edified!

Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2009 7:45 am
by _David A. Bednar
Inconceivable wrote:David who?


Whose on first?

Re: We were indeed edified!

Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2009 5:02 pm
by _harmony
David A. Bednar wrote: When President Monson reveals that principle, and it shall be very soon, I fear the harnesses will be empty. That will indeed be the test of faith.

Any further questions?


Okay, I was mildly amused for about 5 minutes, and then I got this far and now I've got milk all over my monitor, and it's all your fault. Goodnightshirt, Elder Bedme, if I may quote KA, the day Pres Monson reinstates polygamy will be the best day of my life. Hurry, hurry! Do not hestitate!

Re: We were indeed edified!

Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2009 7:05 pm
by _Nightlion
David A. Bednar wrote:My dear Sister, Marg:

I have always appreciated your sincere desire to commune with the faithful Saints. God bless you. If you bare your trials with grace and humility, you too can enter into at least one of the three levels of glory. Isn't that a marvelous thing? Indeed it is, as you know.



Bare what? :redface:

Re: We were indeed edified!

Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2009 10:31 pm
by _marg
David A. Bednar wrote:
Personally, I believe there are yet to be revealed many doctrines that our brothers and sisters today are unable to follow due to their hypocrisy and wickedness (well, excepting our dear Wade). The greatest principle yet to be revealed, except to the brethren in the quorum of 15, is the even higher celestial principle, that of polyamory. That is where it really is at. When President Monson reveals that principle, and it shall be very soon, I fear the harnesses will be empty. That will indeed be the test of faith.

Any further questions?


No, I think you covered things well. And this polyamory principle is just following Jesus' words of "love thy neighbour". This will enable women to take on more than one sexual partner which if there is a God he/she did give women the equipment to do this whereas to my knowledge few men can, at least in one evening.

Re: We were indeed edified!

Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2009 10:52 pm
by _Yoda
marg wrote:
David A. Bednar wrote:
Personally, I believe there are yet to be revealed many doctrines that our brothers and sisters today are unable to follow due to their hypocrisy and wickedness (well, excepting our dear Wade). The greatest principle yet to be revealed, except to the brethren in the quorum of 15, is the even higher celestial principle, that of polyamory. That is where it really is at. When President Monson reveals that principle, and it shall be very soon, I fear the harnesses will be empty. That will indeed be the test of faith.

Any further questions?


No, I think you covered things well. And this polyamory principle is just following Jesus' words of "love thy neighbour". This will enable women to take on more than one sexual partner which if there is a God he/she did give women the equipment to do this whereas to my knowledge few men can, at least in one evening.


lightning just struck. Marg and I finally agree on something. LOL :lol:

Re: We were indeed edified!

Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2009 2:00 am
by _moksha
Dear Elder Bednar,

Does this grand principle of all principles mean that I can be united in a Church
ceremony with my late beloved Shetland Pony "Sheila" as well as my Laz-E-Boy
recliner which provides me with much meditative comfort?

yours respectfully,

Elder Moksha