Cthulhu Apologist

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_Darth J
_Emeritus
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Cthulhu Apologist

Post by _Darth J »

The Call of Cthulhu is a volume of holy writ comparable to the Book of Mormon. It is a record of Cthulhu's dealings with the inhabitants of the Americas in the early 20th century.

H.P. Lovecraft, who compiled the writ, explained that around 1925, a man named Francis Wayland Thurston was searching for answers about the nature of Cthulhu. Francis began his search when he found a small sculpture of Cthulhu. "My somewhat extravagant imagination yielded simultaneous pictures of an octopus, a dragon, and a human caricature.... A pulpy, tentacled head surmounted a grotesque and scaly body with rudimentary wings." Francis then sought others who wanted to know more about Cthulhu and his message for the world. Soon, Cthulhu began speaking to Francis and others in dreams.

Cthulhu wants all mankind to know about his message. Francis discovered that people from all over the world were having dreams about Cthulhu. Just listen to some of his followers describe his message: "They worshipped, so they said, the Great Old Ones who lived ages before there were any men, and who came to the young world out of the sky. Those Old Ones were gone now, inside the earth and under the sea; but their dead bodies had told their secrets in dreams to the first men, who formed a cult which had never died...hidden in distant wastes and dark places all over the world until the time when the great priest Cthulhu, from his dark house in the mighty city of R'lyeh under the waters, should rise and bring the earth again beneath his sway. Some day he would call, when the stars were ready, and the secret cult would always be waiting to liberate him."

The crowning event in The Call of Cthulhu is the personal encounter Cthulhu had with some sailors at Cthulhu's underwater city of R'lyeh.

Image

Not everything in life is so black and white, but the existence of Cthulhu seems to be exactly that. Francis Thurston gave the location of Cthulhu's dwelling place of R'lyeh as "in the vicinity of 47° 9' S, 126° 43' W." In the summer of 1997, Cthulhu again manifested himself at R'lyeh. The NOAA recorded a noise using underwater sensors. No one can come up with a credible alternative candidate for this noise other than Cthulhu. "It yields a general location near 50oS; 100oW." http://www.pmel.noaa.gov/vents/acoustic ... bloop.html

CNN reported Cthulhu's glorious manifestation to the world.

Scientists have revealed a mysterious recording that they say could be the sound of a giant beast lurking in the depths of the ocean. Researchers have nicknamed the strange unidentified sound picked up by undersea microphones "Bloop." While it bears the varying frequency hallmark of marine animals, it is far more powerful than the calls made by any creature known on Earth, Britain's New Scientist reported on Thursday. It is too big for a whale and one theory is that it is a deep sea monster, possibly a many-tentacled giant squid. In 1997, Bloop was detected by U.S. Navy "spy" sensors 3,000 miles apart that had been put there to detect the movement of Soviet submarines, the magazine reports. The frequency of the sound meant it had to be much louder than any recognised animal noise, including that produced by the largest whales. So is it a huge octopus? Although dead giant squid have been washed up on beaches, and tell-tale sucker marks have been seen on whales, there has never been a confirmed sighting of one of the elusive cephalopods in the wild. The largest dead squid on record measured about 60ft including the length of its tentacles, but no one knows how big the creatures might grow. For years sailors have told tales of monsters of the deep including the huge, many-tentacled kraken that could reach as high as a ship's mainmast and sink the biggest ships. However Phil Lobel, a marine biologist at Boston University, Massachusetts, doubts that giant squid are the source of Bloop. "Cephalopods have no gas-filled sac, so they have no way to make that type of noise," he said. "Though you can never rule anything out completely, I doubt it." Nevertheless he agrees that the sound is most likely to be biological in origin. The system picking up Bloop and other strange noises from the deep is a military relic of the Cold War. In the 1960s the U.S. Navy set up an array of underwater microphones, or hydrophones, around the globe to track Soviet submarines. The network was known as SOSUS, short for Sound Surveillance System. The listening stations lie hundreds of yards below the ocean surface, at a depth where sound waves become trapped in a layer of water known as the "deep sound channel".

http://archives.cnn.com/2002/TECH/science/06/13/bloop/

For 13 years this noise has been examined and attacked, denied and deconstructed, targeted and torn apart like perhaps no other noise in modern oceanographic history—perhaps like no other noise in any oceanographic history. And still it stands. Failed theories about its origins have been born and parroted and have died—from a whale to some kind of squid to deranged paranoid to cunning genius. None of these frankly pathetic answers for this noise has ever withstood examination because there is no other answer than the one that matches up with the latitude and longitude given in the story. This is Cthulhu.

If anyone is foolish enough or misled enough to reject an NOAA measurement of a heretofore unknown recording teeming with sonar and bilogical complexity without honestly attempting to account for the origin of those sounds—especially without accounting for their powerful witness of Cthulhu and the profound spiritual impact that witness has had on what is now tens of millions of readers—if that is the case, then such a person, elect or otherwise, has been deceived; and if he or she leaves their acceptance that Cthulhu is real, it must be done by crawling over or under or around the "Bloop" to make that exit.

Brothers and sisters, there is no safety net, and to look upon Cthulhu, or even to think about him too much, is to go stark raving mad. But he is real. He is there for us underneath the waters at 50oS; 100oW. Of this, the NOAA bares witness.
_Trevor
_Emeritus
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Re: Cthulhu Apologist

Post by _Trevor »

Speaking as a scholar, I believe we should respect the learned work of those who investigate Chthulu. Clearly, solid evidence has come forth that must be accounted for before one can dismiss the possibility of Cthulu's existence. The fact that 1) people have received dreams attesting to the existence of Chthulu, and 2) a phenomenon that corresponds with what one would expect if Chthulu in fact were to exist, not only allows that possibility but even begins to nudge in the direction of probability. I intend to make a careful study of Chthulu, lest I am caught unawares at that Day of Reckoning in which the Great Chthulu returns from R'lyeh to reclaim mastery of the world. ;-)
“I was hooked from the start,” Snoop Dogg said. “We talked about the purpose of life, played Mousetrap, and ate brownies. The kids thought it was off the hook, for real.”
_Gadianton
_Emeritus
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Re: Cthulhu Apologist

Post by _Gadianton »

Hi Darth J,

I suggest that you contact Bonneville Communications and get some materials put together so this message can really get into people's homes and lives, not that Cthulhu can't touch hearts through his powers but to be worthy of his reign, we should do our part and make the presentation as professional and psychologically influential. I also think you should get a website going called Scholars of Ctulhu Testify. We can get people with advanced degrees who have compartmentalized their religious and professional lives to bear witness of Cthulhu. I for one find myself very interested in the opinions of scholars, even when the opinions simply reflect the values and prejudices of their upbringing as children and have nothing to do with their specialized education. Well, people will be able to say, "hey look, really smart people buy into this, maybe I should?" I also think we should build a gigantic 4 billion dollar mall, not sure why, but you've got to shop somewhere, might as well be somewhere nice. We could make sure it has plenty of room for, you know -- when he returns, it would be pretty embarrassing to get a customer survey response in with his name on it complaining he had a poor shopping experience because the isles weren't wide enough and the tables too small in the food court.

Not dead which eternal lie stranger eons death may die (sorry, his spirit just makes me want to sing hymns..)
Lou Midgley 08/20/2020: "...meat wad," and "cockroach" are pithy descriptions of human beings used by gemli? They were not fashioned by Professor Peterson.

LM 11/23/2018: one can explain away the soul of human beings...as...a Meat Unit, to use Professor Peterson's clever derogatory description of gemli's ideology.
_bcspace
_Emeritus
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Re: Cthulhu Apologist

Post by _bcspace »

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.
Machina Sublime
Satan's Plan Deconstructed.
Your Best Resource On Joseph Smith's Polygamy.
Conservatism is the Gospel of Christ and the Plan of Salvation in Action.
The Degeneracy Of Progressivism.
_Paul Osborne

Re: Cthulhu Apologist

Post by _Paul Osborne »

bcspace wrote:Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.


I interpret this to mean that you have a testimony that the black person in Facsimile No. 3., noted by Joseph Smith is merely a slave serving in ancient Egypt.

Please, BC, let that revelation go and do not believe it. That revelation given by Joseph Smith was made up garbage and he did that to make an impression thinking that everyone would simply believe it. I want you to rise above that. I want you to come to terms and realize that Joseph Smith was playing a game. Do you think you can possibly get on board with that concept? Rise up, BC.

BC, you need to come to terms with what Joseph Smith was really doing. He was in it for the thrill.

Now that I revealed that to you my throat will be cut.

Paul O
_Trevor
_Emeritus
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Re: Cthulhu Apologist

Post by _Trevor »

Gadianton wrote:I also think we should build a gigantic 4 billion dollar mall, not sure why, but you've got to shop somewhere, might as well be somewhere nice. We could make sure it has plenty of room for, you know -- when he returns, it would be pretty embarrassing to get a customer survey response in with his name on it complaining he had a poor shopping experience because the isles weren't wide enough and the tables too small in the food court.


These are excellent suggestions, Gad. When He returns, Dread Chthulu will surely be in the market for tokens of gratitude to give the scholars who have testified of his Immense Grandeur. Or maybe he will just rip their spinal columns out and use them for dental floss. Either way.
“I was hooked from the start,” Snoop Dogg said. “We talked about the purpose of life, played Mousetrap, and ate brownies. The kids thought it was off the hook, for real.”
_moksha
_Emeritus
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Re: Cthulhu Apologist

Post by _moksha »

As Cthulhu is now, Droopy may become.
Cry Heaven and let loose the Penguins of Peace
_bcspace
_Emeritus
Posts: 18534
Joined: Mon Dec 04, 2006 6:48 pm

Re: Cthulhu Apologist

Post by _bcspace »

Please, BC, let that revelation go and do not believe it. That revelation given by Joseph Smith was made up garbage and he did that to make an impression thinking that everyone would simply believe it. I want you to rise above that. I want you to come to terms and realize that Joseph Smith was playing a game. Do you think you can possibly get on board with that concept? Rise up, BC.

BC, you need to come to terms with what Joseph Smith was really doing. He was in it for the thrill.


Jah oh eh raukeeyang enish go on dosh kae e vanrash kli flos is es hah ko kau beam.
Machina Sublime
Satan's Plan Deconstructed.
Your Best Resource On Joseph Smith's Polygamy.
Conservatism is the Gospel of Christ and the Plan of Salvation in Action.
The Degeneracy Of Progressivism.
_Tarski
_Emeritus
Posts: 3059
Joined: Thu Oct 26, 2006 7:57 pm

Re: Cthulhu Apologist

Post by _Tarski »

moksha wrote:As Cthulhu is now, Droopy may become.

Whose bosom does not burn within them when they hear these words????
Last edited by W3C [Validator] on Sun May 30, 2010 4:41 am, edited 1 time in total.
when believers want to give their claims more weight, they dress these claims up in scientific terms. When believers want to belittle atheism or secular humanism, they call it a "religion". -Beastie

yesterday's Mormon doctrine is today's Mormon folklore.-Buffalo
_Tarski
_Emeritus
Posts: 3059
Joined: Thu Oct 26, 2006 7:57 pm

Re: Cthulhu Apologist

Post by _Tarski »

moksha wrote:As Cthulhu is now, Droopy may become.

Whose bosom does not burn within them when they hear these words????


(again for emphasis)
when believers want to give their claims more weight, they dress these claims up in scientific terms. When believers want to belittle atheism or secular humanism, they call it a "religion". -Beastie

yesterday's Mormon doctrine is today's Mormon folklore.-Buffalo
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