Is it healthy for a TBM spouse to "drop it" or "let it go?"

[_zeezrom]

I'm curious what you think about this. Let's say there is a Mormon married couple and the husband no longer believes in the church due to information he read online and in books, etc. The couple spends hours and hours discussing the issue and each take a stand on either side. my wife feels threatened/attacked and DH feels misunderstood. Finally, my wife tells DH "I've decided to let this all go and stop worrying about it. Emotionally, I can't afford to spend more effort on it because my life is already stressful enough. Let's just talk about other things, shall we?"

I can see how it might be healthy to lighten up the mood and think happy thoughts and just enjoy the moment. That is always a good thing for the moment. But on the other hand, I can also see this turning out to be a bad thing. Now DH is locked into a corner where he cannot express his deepest thoughts/fears/feelings about something that is pressing on his mind. Maybe DH will start to feel isolated.

Might my wife's decision to "drop it" or "let it go" actually be a maneuver to control the situation? By avoiding the issue, they have become silent on the subject which means the DH might be required to continue forward with the actions they've been used to, such as going to the temple, paying tithing, etc. If he were to contest any of those things, he would breach into the bubble my wife created by trying to let it all go.

Thoughts?

Thanks,

Zee.

[_Yahoo Bot]

What do my wife and DH mean? Divorced Wife and Divorced Husband?

I'd say, whatever you do, don't be a damned hyprocrite. That's the worst thing to do. Act consistently with your beliefs. Grow a pair.

[_zeezrom]

What do my wife and DH mean? Divorced Wife and Divorced Husband?

I'd say, whatever you do, don't be a damned hyprocrite. That's the worst thing to do. Act consistently with your beliefs. Grow a pair.

Dear wife and dear husband

or maybe you were joking...?

When you say hypocrite, are you talking about my wife or DH?

I agree being a hypocrite is less than satisfactory. A damned one is even worse, whatever that means.

[_The Nehor]

Battle each other to the death.

[_harmony]

Just because my wife doesn't want to discuss something doesn't mean she gets to decide for DH if he wants to discuss something. my wife is trying to shut DH up; she's usurping DH as the head of the household. my wife needs to read her POTF again.

my wife needs to open her eyes; she could lose DH just by being stupid.

And Bot is right: DH needs to grow a pair.

[_ttribe]

My honest reply - I think it's unhealthy to ask Internet strangers for marital advice.

[_harmony]

My honest reply - I think it's unhealthy to ask Internet strangers for marital advice.

Undoubtedly. DH should ask his bishop.

Good grief.

[_zeezrom]

Who said this is asking for marital advice?! Did I say that? You assume this scenario is me. Lol.

Harmony., what is potf?

[_ttribe]

Undoubtedly. DH should ask his bishop.

Did I suggest that? Given his stated disbelief, I certainly wouldn't make such a suggestion.

Good grief.

Good grief yourself. How many people here are professionally trained counselors? How many on this (or any) board genuinely have another stranger's best interests at heart? If it's potentially serious, a marriage counselor is in order; not a bunch of anonymous pixels on a computer screen.

[_ttribe]

Who said this is asking for marital advice?! Did I say that? You assume this scenario is me. Lol.

Gee, I don't know z, maybe because often when someone asks a hypothetical question like this it's really about the person asking. Regardless, whether it's for you or for your hypothetical couple, my reply is the same - an Internet message board is a bad place to get marital advice.