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my wife and I are trying to figure out the best way to inform the whole TBM family about our blessed change of faith (away from Mormonism) this Thanksgiving holiday when everyone gets together.

We don't feel a need to get up on the witness stand. We are not burdened with the need to explain our case. It is not our duty. It is the Church (this doesn't include apologists) that needs to sit up on the stand and tell us all why in the hell Joseph lied to us but never informed us of it. They need to explain why there was so much crap left out and why I had to find it by going through the Church's stinky, back door where the flies buzz. TBM's are looking for an explanation from us but there is no reason we should give anything because we have not changed. It is the Church that changed.

It is very likely people will continue to make crappy assumptions about us when they get together and talk about us. So be it.

We plan to be our happy selves around our family this thanksgiving and make sure they don't have a reason to think we are sad or bitter. Right, I sound bitter on this board, but thanks to this board, I can vent here instead of with my family. If they ask what is up with us, we plan to reply thusly:

"We hold our personal beliefs as sacred and personal. These are different than your personal religious beliefs. This is our decision and we hope you can respect it just as we respect all of your personal beliefs. Please refer to Articles of Faith 11."

Thanksgiving dinner will rock! I'm making triple berry pie and hope to share a photo later...

Thoughts?

From personal experience, I would wait until later to announce this. Later towards the end of their visit.

Otherwise you will be accused of ruining their precious bird day.

Haha it really is your bird day... when you and your family flip a big bony middle finger at LDS Inc.

Rather than responding to why you don't believe, I suggest asking them why you should believe. It is much easier to respond to professions of faith than to make a case for disbelief to those of faith.

It could be a difficult day for you. From your own feelings of anticipation about their reaction/action when you say something to what may actually happen.

I would not say anything until later in the evening, if possible. Maybe not even an announcement then unless you really want to or someone brings it up.

No questions and nothing other than 'we have made our choice and we wish you to respect it' would do it without lot of problems. Unless you have some relatives like many of us do who won't leave well enough alone, then you tell those specific ones to back off, the subject is closed.

Who knows how they will react? Just be ready for silence to berating and and stick to 'our decision, please respect that' and be ready to leave if some get too testy.

Best of luck to you in the future. I hope you family is not the type to consider you dead to them if you no longer believe what they think you should.

Zee wrote:We plan to be our happy selves around our family this thanksgiving and make sure they don't have a reason to think we are sad or bitter.

Zee, I've always been the black sheep in the eyes of my in-laws. No matter how I act, I'm perceived how they want to perceive me. So I say, if you are feeling happy, act happy--if you're not, don't. They may just see what they want to see regardless of what is going on in your head and heart.

If your hosting, put an image of a plump, smiling Buddha in the middle of the table as a center piece and never make a reference to it. See where the conversation goes :).

Quasimodo wrote:If your hosting, put an image of a plump, smiling Buddha in the middle of the table as a center piece and never make a reference to it. See where the conversation goes :).

Well, a TBM family member was over the other day and we all sat down to eat and as soon as my wife was ready to eat, we all started going at it with no prayer. The TBM looked pretty awkward wondering why we didn't pray. Earlier this year, we said a prayer over all the produce in the U.S.A. and all the livestock and chickens and even the fish off the Alaskan coast and the farms in Oregon. My my wife has some extremely powerful priesthood powers so having her help me bless all this food is very beneficial. Her powers might even reach all the way to the Indian Ocean if she concentrated enough. I wonder if TSM could pull that off...?

Zee wrote:It is the Church that changed.

Actually, Zee, the Church hasn't changed at all. It is your perception of the Church that has changed, for better or for worse.

Don't get me wrong. I'm happy for you. I'm glad that you and your wife were able to make a united decision that you feel is best for your family.

However, I agree with Porter. I don't think that a huge announcement at the beginning of Thanksgiving dinner is the best way to handle extended family relations.

Personally, I think it makes much more sense to handle things privately with individual members on a need to know basis.

Why make Thanksgiving the holiday that your TBM family feels they "lost" their son or daughter from the Church?

It's going to be hard on them whenever they hear the news, but there are better ways than others of breaking that news....especially since it is something that you know darned good and well they will NEVER completely understand and/or likely accept.

At the same time, how you handle this could make the difference in the acceptance of you, as a responsible family member, and head of your personal household.

Boy does this ever hit home...

Why make Thanksgiving the holiday that your TBM family feels they "lost" their son or daughter from the Church?

zee,

I know three people whose loved ones died this year. One just a month ago. When I think of them at this time of year, I know all too well how those engaging the grief process tend to mark anniversaries (Last Thanksgiving, Last Christmas and coming to terms with the fact that it really was the last time) as they begin moving forward and processing all that has happened in their lives this year.

Liz is exactly right. If what I've heard regarding parent's reactions to apostasy on the part of a family member is true, I urge you to rethink your decision about Thanksgiving.

I do believe that most of your TBM family will begin a grief process on account of this.

Please don't do it to them on a significant holiday.

It's going to make them feel like their family died on Thanksgiving.

Jersey Girl wrote:Boy does this ever hit home...

Why make Thanksgiving the holiday that your TBM family feels they "lost" their son or daughter from the Church?

zee,

I know three people whose loved ones died this year. One just a month ago. When I think of them at this time of year, I know all too well how those engaging the grief process tend to mark anniversaries (Last Thanksgiving, Last Christmas and coming to terms with the fact that it really was the last time) as they begin moving forward and processing all that has happened in their lives this year.

Liz is exactly right. If what I've heard regarding parent's reactions to apostasy on the part of a family member is true, I urge you to rethink your decision about Thanksgiving.

I do believe that most of your TBM family will begin a grief process on account of this.

Please don't do it to them on a significant holiday.

It's going to make them feel like their family died on Thanksgiving.

AMEN, Jersey Girl!!! This is one smart woman, Zee, which is why she is my best friend on the board!!!

If you won't listen to me, I urge you to listen to HER!!

Jersey Girl is exactly right. You have to remember that for your TBM extended family, right or wrong, like it or not, they WILL experience a grieving process. I think this is something that BOTH you and your wife need to be sensitive to...not only for your sakes, but for your CHILDREN'S sakes. This is the relationship with "Grandma's and Grandpa's" we're talking about. Do you really think it's wise to put your kids smack dab in the middle of this type of awkwardness at a family holiday?

I get that you and your wife are pleased with your decision, and want to make a statement, but I think there are better ways to go about it than this.

It's something that really does need to be handled privately.

And, honestly...even then...it's not going to be a cake-walk.

A great example of a person who I believe handled her decisions to leave the Church with a lot of class and grace is Beastie. Search through some of her experiences, or PM her.