DiscussMormonism.com

After reading about the guy who was ratted on by family members for being a Middle Way Mormon and ended up visiting his BP and getting released, I started to wonder why this happens.

About a year ago, I was at my parents house in their office. I needed to check my email and noticed Gmail was already up on their computer and I saw an email thread with my name and Joseph Smith's name on it. Forgive me, but I opened it without their permission. I found that a week-long conversation was going on about me and my faith crisis with their friend who used to be my bishop. They were talking about ways to get me to come back to being my old, faithful self again. They had decided that the best way to get me back would be to scare me with the threat of losing my temple recommend. The funny thing was that by then, my TR had already expired.

I think this behavior is actually not all that uncommon. We are trained in the Mormon church to live in accordance with certain rules that are implicitly or explicitly motivated by fear. The fear of losing a recommend is enormous for many members. That was unthinkable for me, as I recall.

I think TBMs have this fear inside them and use it as a tool to bring loved ones back. It is a reaction based on something they have grown up with. I bet it is a fairly natural reaction. It is a reflection on the religion, I think.

In an odd way, this kind of stuff happens because the family members care about us and worry that we are throwing away our exaltation. They are genuinely afraid for us.

It used to bother me that people seemed to choose the church over their family members, but I don't think that's it. The church and the gospel are how members perceive reality, and when someone steps outside of that reality, it freaks people out. So, they try anything they can--fear, love, friendship, shunning--that they think will help us come back to reality.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's easy to call a family member a "douchebag" for ratting you out to the church, but there's quite a bit more going on than just them being jerks. It's weird, but I've come to see such behavior as an awkward way of them telling us they care about us.

Yeah, there is a sense of responsibility for other peoples spirituality instilled in Mormons. It happens from very early on. We are responsible to share the gospel with friends...and the world. Later, as parents we are taught that we are responsible for our children's spirituality. We are also responsible to help our ancestors get saved by becoming "savior's on Mount Zion" through temple work.

Sometime after telling my husband he told the stake president and one of the counselors.

As soon as my parents found out my dad made an appointment to tell the bishop. He was nice enough to offer for me to go with him and tell the bishop myself. :/

My husband and parents actually talked about disconnecting the internet so that I would no longer have access. I learned that later on and obviously they never did it, but can you say "STRANGE?!?"

Just Me,

Disconnecting the Internet? I'm amazed and sorry to hear it. I'm happy it didn't happen

zeezrom wrote:Just Me,

Disconnecting the Internet? I'm amazed and sorry to hear it. I'm happy it didn't happen

Yeah, I'm in my 30s. I think I'm old enough to make my own choices. I was pretty shocked when I heard about it.
I am sorry to hear that you were the subject of gossipy emails. That never feels good. Well, unless they were saying how you were the Pie Crust Champion of the Universe or something. ;)

zeezrom wrote:
I think this behavior is actually not all that uncommon. We are trained in the Mormon church to live in accordance with certain rules that are implicitly or explicitly motivated by fear. The fear of losing a recommend is enormous for many members. That was unthinkable for me, as I recall.

I think TBMs have this fear inside them and use it as a tool to bring loved ones back. It is a reaction based on something they have grown up with. I bet it is a fairly natural reaction. It is a reflection on the religion, I think.

I think that you are wrong. What fear do TBMs have? I think that the word fear is much overused on antimormon forums. I would replace fear with worry. People worry about us but they don't have fear.

You use the word 'trained' as if Mormons are dogs. I would suggest the word 'taught'. Mormons are taught to live in accordance with Bible principles. Now doesn't that sound better? Why would people fear losing a recommend? If people make certain choices that run counter to getting a temple recommend, where would the fear come in? I haven't had a temple recommend for years. And I have no fear. Neither do my children fear for me.

I think that your generalizations and use of vocabulary are a way for you to come to terms with the decisions you have now made about the church.

However, religious people who have wayward members may be concerned about their loved ones soul. For many faiths the choice is between heaven and hell. Who wants a loved one to go to hell, if one is a devout protestant or catholic?

zeezrom wrote:
About a year ago, I was at my parents house in their office. I needed to check my email and noticed Gmail was already up on their computer and I saw an email thread with my name and Joseph Smith's name on it. Forgive me, but I opened it without their permission.

You are forgiven. However, can your children trust you not to open their email? Or how would you feel if your parents opened your email to read what you wrote about them? Not nice. Or if your children would open your email and read what was written in your email?

You broke a sense of trust. But you are forgiven.

I think the correct word is "fear." Worry is a synonym of fear. You can look it up.

They fear that we are under the influence of the devil. I have had my loved ones tell me that so I know that is truly how they are feeling. They fear we will not be together in the CK because of our disbelief.

Trained and taught are also synonyms. You can call potty-training potty-learning and it doesn't change what it is.

why me wrote:
You are forgiven. However, can your children trust you not to open their email? Or how would you feel if your parents opened your email to read what you wrote about them? Not nice. Or if your children would open your email and read what was written in your email?

You broke a sense of trust. But you are forgiven.

I do wish you would start using a picture of the pope instead of Joseph Smith. It's high time your logic is associated with Catholicism as well as Mormonism. You really need to give equal time.

just me wrote:I am sorry to hear that you were the subject of gossipy emails. That never feels good. Well, unless they were saying how you were the Pie Crust Champion of the Universe or something. ;)

Are you kidding? That would be the worst thing that they could say.