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Any of you NOMs have any tips for raising kids in the church but protecting them from psychological damage when it comes to their sexuality? I'm talking about the intense shame and guilt that the church heaps on young kids about their own sexuality, usually to do with masturbation. I don't want my kids to grow up with any sexual dysfunctions - I want them to have a healthy attitude toward their own bodies and sex in general.

Step one I think is to not allow Bishops or any church leaders to talk to my kids about sexual matters in private - or even to talk to them in private at all without me. That's just common sense with all the perverted bishops out there.

But they're still going to have YW and YMs, where they'll be conditioned with self-loathing and unhealthy attitudes. Is there any inoculation for that?

Buffalo, I think you should talk to every new bishop that you don't want them asking sexual questions to your kids. I still don't know how it is not against the law for a 50 year old man to ask a 12 year old boy if he masturbates. This issue caused me intense guilt for 15 years of my life.

Maybe there is a round about way to tell your kids its ok to masturbate and it is very normal. There may be sex ed classes in school or some sort of other eduction that can teach them this.

What worked with us was frank discussions with our kids about sex. I talked to the girls about what was normal and perfectly appropriate. They knew what was bogus as far as what was taught in YW, and what was OK. I also told them that if the Bishop asked them anything uncomfortable to inform me immediately, and to simply walk out of the interview. All the bishops have been too intimidated of me to dare try anything, so that really hasn't been an issue. LOL

My son is only 7, so Dad will likely be having that conversation with him.

Rambo wrote:Buffalo, I think you should talk to every new bishop that you don't want them asking sexual questions to your kids. I still don't know how it is not against the law for a 50 year old man to ask a 12 year old boy if he masturbates. This issue caused me intense guilt for 15 years of my life.

Maybe there is a round about way to tell your kids its ok to masturbate and it is very normal. There may be sex ed classes in school or some sort of other eduction that can teach them this.

I honestly don't think that the question, "Do you masturbate?" should even be asked.

It is NOT one of the temple questions.

And, honestly, masturbation is only a problem if it is done in excess. I mean, if a boy or girl is masturbating to the point where they are not interested in other activities, then it is a problem. But that is very rare.

liz3564 wrote:What worked with us was frank discussions with our kids about sex. I talked to the girls about what was normal and perfectly appropriate. They knew what was bogus as far as what was taught in YW, and what was OK. I also told them that if the Bishop asked them anything uncomfortable to inform me immediately, and to simply walk out of the interview. All the bishops have been too intimidated of me to dare try anything, so that really hasn't been an issue. LOL

My son is only 7, so Dad will likely be having that conversation with him.

Another complication here is that my wife, while Liberal, is more or less orthodox.

liz3564 wrote:
I honestly don't think that the question, "Do you masturbate?" should even be asked.

It is NOT one of the temple questions.

The law of chastity is in the temple questions. We were taught that if you masturbate then you don't obey the law of chastity. So when you get asked if you obey the law of chastity and you say no then the bishop wants you to tell more about this sin. In a way this is asked in the temple recommend questions. Other bishops will just come out and ask when was the last time you masturbated and looked at porn.

And, honestly, masturbation is only a problem if it is done in excess. I mean, if a boy or girl is masturbating to the point where they are not interested in other activities, then it is a problem. But that is very rare.

I think you may be talking about Quagmire off The Family Guy here. Other than this character I really do not seeing this happen to many people. I guess it would be a good forearm workout!

Rambo wrote:We were taught that if you masturbate then you don't obey the law of chastity.

Is that still being taught?

I don't really know what is taught in YM.

I guess we're lucky that the brethren don't seem to recognize that females can masturbate too, because that is a subject I have NEVER heard covered in YW! LOL

liz3564 wrote:

Rambo wrote:We were taught that if you masturbate then you don't obey the law of chastity.

Is that still being taught?

I don't really know what is taught in YM.

I guess we're lucky that the brethren don't seem to recognize that females can masturbate too, because that is a subject I have NEVER heard covered in YW! LOL

Yeah it is not taught in YW but it was taught in YM. I'm only 29 so it was not that long ago that they were teaching this. I have only been inactive for a year and last time I had an interview with the bishop he asked me when was the last time I masturbated and looked at porn. He just assumed that I did it.

I dated this girl that is now an exmo and she said that YW were never asked if they masturbated and they were never taught it was wrong. She did it since she was very young and never thought anything of it. Here I was for having intense guilt for 15 years of my life.

I guess we're lucky that the brethren don't seem to recognize that females can masturbate too, because that is a subject I have NEVER heard covered in YW! LOL

Actually, yeah, they do act like YW don't masturbate. Thank goddess!
They are just taught that they are responsible to keep the YM thoughts pure.

You know, Buff, I told my son that the bishop might ask him if he masturbates or looks at porn. Then I had to tell him what those things are. Good times. Then I told him that he only needs to say he keeps the LoC and that some people may tell him that masturbating isn't okay but they are wrong. I said that is nobody's business and he should just say "yes" to the LoC.

I have also told my H to have talks with him. He is too embarrassed to talk to me about that kind of thing. Luckily, H is on board with teaching our kids a healthy attitude towards masturbation. He is still scarred from his youth.

just me wrote:

I guess we're lucky that the brethren don't seem to recognize that females can masturbate too, because that is a subject I have NEVER heard covered in YW! LOL

Actually, yeah, they do act like YW don't masturbate. Thank goddess!
They are just taught that they are responsible to keep the YM thoughts pure.

You know, Buff, I told my son that the bishop might ask him if he masturbates or looks at porn. Then I had to tell him what those things are. Good times. Then I told him that he only needs to say he keeps the LoC and that some people may tell him that masturbating isn't okay but they are wrong. I said that is nobody's business and he should just say "yes" to the LoC.

I have also told my H to have talks with him. He is too embarrassed to talk to me about that kind of thing. Luckily, H is on board with teaching our kids a healthy attitude towards masturbation. He is still scarred from his youth.

That's good to know. I'll probably handle the birds/bees talks with boys, so I can inject some moderation there. I'm glad they're not shaming girls about masturbation, generally speaking.

So I guess with girls the challenge is to inoculate against that idiotic "licked cupcake" all or nothing approach to chastity. Also, the unhealthy attitudes about sex and the objectification of women. But I can probably get Mrs. Buffalo on board for that.