My explanation for coming back

[_zeezrom]

How do you think TBMs in our ward would react to our reason for coming back to church?

TBM: "Hey, Zee! You made it back! What made you decide to come back?"

Zee: "It was too damn hard to leave. Our relationships with our siblings and parents was getting increasingly strained and awkward. The friends of our kids were starting to say mean things to them. My wife feels like she lost her social network. We have too many things going on right now to have the strength and fortitude it requires to leave the church."

TBM: "Well, the Lord will bless you for coming back. He will bless you with the spirit as you obey the commandments."

Zee: "Actually, just being here is totally depressing. I could be jumping on the tramp with my kids but instead, they are sitting in a classroom being taught deceptions that I will need to fix when we get home."

.....


Note that I'm presenting a scenario that is pretty remote but still a possibility. my wife and I are going through a lot (which details I refuse to divulge) and the added stress of leaving is taking it's toll. It simply is a very bad time for us to leave.

When is it a good time to leave? LOL.

I'm not looking for any sympathy or words of wisdom. We know what we are doing. What I need is for you to tell me how a TBM would react to the explanation I gave in the above written dialogue. I think it is quite funny and ironic how all this religion stuff works out.

[_Buffalo]

Like this:

[_jon]

How do you think TBMs in our ward would react to our reason for coming back to church?

TBM: "Hey, Zee! You made it back! What made you decide to come back?"

Zee: "It was too damn hard to leave. Our relationships with our siblings and parents was getting increasingly strained and awkward. The friends of our kids were starting to say mean things to them. My wife feels like she lost her social network. We have too many things going on right now to have the strength and fortitude it requires to leave the church."

TBM: "Well, the Lord will bless you for coming back. He will bless you with the spirit as you obey the commandments."

Zee: "Actually, just being here is totally depressing. I could be jumping on the tramp with my kids but instead, they are sitting in a classroom being taught deceptions that I will need to fix when we get home."

.....


Note that I'm presenting a scenario that is pretty remote but still a possibility. my wife and I are going through a lot (which details I refuse to divulge) and the added stress of leaving is taking it's toll. It simply is a very bad time for us to leave.

When is it a good time to leave? LOL.

I'm not looking for any sympathy or words of wisdom. We know what we are doing. What I need is for you to tell me how a TBM would react to the explanation I gave in the above written dialogue. I think it is quite funny and ironic how all this religion stuff works out.

TBM: ''Well Zee, I see that you must be struggling with pornography.''

[_Rambo]

Zee, this sounds really tough and I do know what you are going through although I think it may be a bit easier for me. My relationship with a lot of my close friends and family has been strained as well since I left. I do think quite often sometimes it would be easier if I just went back to church. However; there are a lot more people in my area of the world where there a non LDS so it is easier for me to make some non LDS friends. My family has actually been pretty good through all of this and when ever church comes up I really don't say anything because anything I say is viewed as an attack. The problem is the church subject does come up often.

It would probably be easier if you moved Zee. You and your wife can make a new social network of friends. The church use to be where I would make my social network of friends but now I am becoming better friends with people at work and some exmo's I know. Plus these people have friends who can become your friends. Joining a gym or some other type of club can be a good place to make a new network of friends as well. As with the family this can be a bit harder. If you move away you can just tell them you go to church and then whenever you see them in real life just cover yourself up real well to hide the fact you don't wear garmies.

These are just ideas I am throwing out there. I just think it would be very difficult for me to go to a church for 3 hours a week and pretend that I believe. Plus there is all the pressure of going out with the missionaries, doing a calling, home teaching, temple trips, firesides, for me FHE single adult ward, and institute. Obviously I wouldn't be reading my scriptures or saying my prayers if I went back to church.

The funny thing is the church told me not to give into peer pressure and I think that is the biggest reason why I will not go back to church. I was given the courage since I was young not to give into peer pressure. Not that I would hold it against you zee and I totally understand where you are coming from if you did go back to church.

Just promise me when I come down to Utah again that you will join me for a beer :)

[_Yoda]

I agree with Rambo. Zee, you are in a unique dynamic being in Utah. Utah Mormons are not like other Mormons.

I lived in Orem for 8 years and HATED it. I found that the majority of Church members I dealt with were very judgmental and, often times, just plain rude. They were not only judgmental toward other Church members, but non-members as well.

I grew up in Northern California, and the Church was NOTHING like that! When we lived in Utah, I honestly thought I was living in the Twilight Zone. I kept thinking to myself, "This is NOT the Church I grew up in."

When we moved to NC, things got much better. Church members were actually appreciative for service! They said "please" and "thank you" for things like giving their kids rides places, etc. Amazing!

I'm not saying that you won't find TBM's outside of Utah, but my observation is that even the TBM's outside of Utah have a much better sense of balance.

I think that if you did move, even if you decided to remain active, you would have a much more positive experience than you are having now.

I'm sorry that you are going through such a rough time. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

[_harmony]

When is it a good time to leave? LOL.

Never, in the eyes of the believer. Yesterday, in the eyes of the unbeliever.

The people who were your friends when you were a believer but are not your friends now were never your friends.

The family that is supposed to love you no matter what... well, if they don't love you as an unbeliever, then they don't know what "no matter what" means.

Years ago, when my little family was desperately poor, we survived by developing an "us against the world" attitude. We circled the wagons a lot, with us on the inside and everyone else (and I mean EVERYone else) on the outside. People--members and nonmembers, strangers and ward members-- routinely said mean things about us, whispered about us. We survived that relatively unscarred because we had each other and a few trusted friends and family members.

You're on your own, zee, with your little family. It's rarely comfortable; it is worth it in the end.

[_Rambo]

Hey zee if you do go back stir the pot a little bit and become a gospel doctrine teacher. Throw in some real Mormon history but you got to be sneaky about it.

I was out with some Mormon friends the other day and one was talking about how she couldn't teach at church the next sunday because she will be away. My other friend suggested that I teach the lesson. I said yeah that would be great I'll get into some really deep doctrine and some interesting church history I know it pretty well. Then she got a scared look on her face and said nothing of the matter after that.

[_stemelbow]

We know what we are doing. What I need is for you to tell me how a TBM would react to the explanation I gave in the above written dialogue. I think it is quite funny and ironic how all this religion stuff works out.

This TBM would probably would respond, "well whatever the case, thanks for showing your ugly mug. You bring me joy if nothing else, and I'm eager to learn some more of your perspective."

[_Runtu]

You really don't owe anyone an explanation, do you? If I went back, I would just go back quietly, and if anyone asks, I'd just say I have my own reasons.

As you know, about this time last year I had gone back to church and was trying to make it work. No one asked me why I came back. They were just glad I was there. It's too bad it didn't work out.

[_Dr. Shades]

They probably won't have noticed that you were gone.