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It's pretty hard to go back to church. Much harder than I thought! my wife expressed a desire to go to church as we discussed some things last night. Her reasons were sound and I felt I should give my support. This morning, nobody but me woke up until after 8:30 (I had to get some work done) and DD was at a sleep over with her friend. Church starts at 9:00. Obviously, we were totally unprepared. my wife reminded me of her desire to get everyone going and so we brought up the idea to our two sons. Immediately, they broke out into strong protest. One of them started crying. They are all dead set against it.

I'm not worried. We go through this for other things and it just takes determination on our part. We plan to try for next week and we will put more effort in up front.

The challenge is me. If my heart isn't into it, my wife will be hard pressed to make things happen. Church is, after all, sort of a family affair. So, my goal this week is to muster up a desire to go back. I'm a man on a mission, dammit!

Dude, srly?

Why does she need the entire family to go?

This is putting undue strain on your kids and on you. OK you might have fun with it, but not your kids.

It will be easy for your wife to show up, knock down a few skunk eyes, do some hi and hellos, hugs, and all the feigned friendships. However, your kids will be sitting there while the teachers and other kids will be staring at them; on top of not want to be there in the first place.

I'd say have your wife go back alone, just for the meetings that she wants to attend.

I'd venture to guess she will come back shaking her head in disbelief that she was ever like that!

Since Christmas Day 2005 I have strongly held to the motto: "Skip Church, Be Happy." Use it in good health Zeez.

Bond,

Great motto! I don't doubt it.

My friend Porter,

my wife *has* gone alone a number of times. She has reasons (which I respect) for wanting all of us to go back together.

Zee.

I thought your wife was questioning as well Z?

Maybe it'll be better when you get moved out of Utah.

zeezrom wrote:my wife *has* gone alone a number of times. She has reasons (which I respect) for wanting all of us to go back together.

OK.

However, given the fact that she knows full well that none of your children nor her husband have any desire to attend, does she not realize the strain she is putting on everyone else so that she may see if this makes her church experience good again?

What is she hoping to find of such an experiment?

Her sitting in Sacrament meeting in the pews closer to the podium with a feigned sense of wholeness that she is an accomplished Mormon woman who proudly sits among the other queens and their complete Mormon families?

And sitting in gospel indoctrination and then the Relief Society cult hoping to get that feeling again of being whole knowing that her children are being indoctrinated; which will lead her daughters into self hatred over their own sexuality and goals and her sons to be forced into wasting two years as door to door pesky salesmen for LDS Inc??

This is like you asking her to go to the strip club with you and watch you get a lap dance.

zeezrom wrote:It's pretty hard to go back to church. Much harder than I thought! my wife expressed a desire to go to church as we discussed some things last night. Her reasons were sound and I felt I should give my support. This morning, nobody but me woke up until after 8:30 (I had to get some work done) and DD was at a sleep over with her friend. Church starts at 9:00. Obviously, we were totally unprepared. my wife reminded me of her desire to get everyone going and so we brought up the idea to our two sons. Immediately, they broke out into strong protest. One of them started crying. They are all dead set against it.

I'm not worried. We go through this for other things and it just takes determination on our part. We plan to try for next week and we will put more effort in up front.

The challenge is me. If my heart isn't into it, my wife will be hard pressed to make things happen. Church is, after all, sort of a family affair. So, my goal this week is to muster up a desire to go back. I'm a man on a mission, dammit!

Good luck with that. What does it tell you about church services when it causes your children to cry in anguish?

I know how your children feel. I cry inside the few times I have dragged myself into church for a baby blessing or two. I also break out in hives, and I take medication for the panic attacks that are sure to grip my chest and throat like an invisible demon as I see the walls closing in on my mind, body and soul after those first steps into the church foyer.

You can fight it, but eventually your body will fight back and will manifest some ill when you try to attend church services. It is how the body and mind protects itself from harm.

Zeez, you could try making a deal with her - switch off between the LDS church one week and something more enlightened like a Unitarian church the next. That might cure her of her desire to go to LDS church services.

The last time I was home in Salt Lake, I stayed with my parents and used to take long walks around the old neighborhood. Our ward house is next to the elementary school; both places were significant to my early years so I visited their grounds often. One Sunday I watched people going to meetings and it was very alien to me: the "uniform" of white shirts and dark slacks, the carrying of scriptures. None of that was part of pre-correlation Sunday School.

I would've liked to slip in and look around, both to see what had changed in the interior design (for my own nostalgic purposes, I hoped nothing had) and to see what the services were like. Unfortunately, I know that Mormon service is not particularly made for anonymous drop-ins, so I never did.

I don't judge anyone who decides to participate in church for their own reasons, even if they don't believe the orthodoxy. What's right for other people may not be right for me, and vice versa (I could quote Joseph Smith, but you know what I mean).

Do what you think is right, even if it means compromising for those you love.