DiscussMormonism.com

What are the boundaries of how a good Mormon should view maritial intimacy? Complete uninhibition would be considered inappropriate, but what are the boundaries exactly?

StrangeLand wrote:What are the boundaries of how a good Mormon should view maritial intimacy? Complete uninhibition would be considered inappropriate, but what are the boundaries exactly?

In the early 80s the first presidency came out against oral sex. But shortly after they put the kibosh on asking couples about it or teaching against it. They never retracted their statement (they never retract anything), but they just quietly shoved it down the memory hole.

So, technically it's still doctrine that Mormon couples can't have oral sex. But since they've gone out of their way not to teach it, every Mormon man should enthusiastically go down on his wife. The sin will be on the heads of the general authorities. :)

Buffalo wrote:In the early 80s the first presidency came out against oral sex. But shortly after they put the kibosh on asking couples about it or teaching against it. They never retracted their statement (they never retract anything), but they just quietly shoved it down the memory hole.

So, technically it's still doctrine that Mormon couples can't have oral sex. But since they've gone out of their way not to teach it, every Mormon man should enthusiastically go down on his wife. The sin will be on the heads of the general authorities. :)

That is what I'm getting at: what is the fallout from that milestone? Oral sex is only part of that boundary. What is a couple to consider appropriate in Mormon intimacy? Oral sex is a question mark after the 80s that no one wants to address. It is fair to assume that many ordinary, otherwise good Mormon couples are ok with and practice oral sex, but probably not too many of those practice anal sex. Why? And the line of reasoning can continue from there. There is a general principle to avoid unnatural, impure or unholy practices, but that principle is wide open to interpretation.

StrangeLand wrote: It is fair to assume that many ordinary, otherwise good Mormon couples are ok with and practice oral sex, but probably not too many of those practice anal sex. Why? And the line of reasoning can continue from there. There is a general principle to avoid unnatural, impure or unholy practices, but that principle is wide open to interpretation.

It's entirely possible that Mormon couples aren't having anal sex simply because one or both partners don't want to. Is that too big of a stretch to imagine?

No pun intended.

We know porn is out. We know that personal/solo masturbation is out.

Everything else is kinda unsure.

StrangeLand wrote:

Buffalo wrote:In the early 80s the first presidency came out against oral sex. But shortly after they put the kibosh on asking couples about it or teaching against it. They never retracted their statement (they never retract anything), but they just quietly shoved it down the memory hole.

So, technically it's still doctrine that Mormon couples can't have oral sex. But since they've gone out of their way not to teach it, every Mormon man should enthusiastically go down on his wife. The sin will be on the heads of the general authorities. :)

That is what I'm getting at: what is the fallout from that milestone? Oral sex is only part of that boundary. What is a couple to consider appropriate in Mormon intimacy? Oral sex is a question mark after the 80s that no one wants to address. It is fair to assume that many ordinary, otherwise good Mormon couples are ok with and practice oral sex, but probably not too many of those practice anal sex. Why? And the line of reasoning can continue from there. There is a general principle to avoid unnatural, impure or unholy practices, but that principle is wide open to interpretation.

I would suspect that some of these more adventurous practices are taboo not because of any specific teachings against them, but because of a general taboo against pleasure, even in marriage. The message Mormon youth get growing up is consistently anti-sex, without much nuance. Then there is the emphasis on sex for procreation, and of course anal and oral sex are not procreative. That sort of puts a damper on anything too adventurous.

just me wrote:We know porn is out. We know that personal/solo masturbation is out.

Everything else is kinda unsure.

Is porn out? What about watching with your spouse? For that matter, is masturbation out, if done in the presence of a partner for their satisfaction?

Let's push it even further - what about toys? A third partner? A sex club?

If we assume consent between spouses, what, really, are the limits?

H.

StrangeLand wrote: There is a general principle to avoid unnatural, impure or unholy practices, but that principle is wide open to interpretation.

No, it's not.

Good grief.

LDSToronto wrote:

just me wrote:We know porn is out. We know that personal/solo masturbation is out.

Everything else is kinda unsure.

Is porn out? What about watching with your spouse? For that matter, is masturbation out, if done in the presence of a partner for their satisfaction?

Let's push it even further - what about toys? A third partner? A sex club?

If we assume consent between spouses, what, really, are the limits?

H.

All I know is that married men are sometimes asked if they view porn or masturbate as part of the temple recommend interview. If they answer "yes" what do we suppose the consequence would be? I would imagine that the vast majority of TBM's believe that porn itself is evil regardless of if it is viewed solo or partnered. Hell, we aren't even supposed to view rated R movies.

When I said "solo" M I meant that to be interpreted as alone time.

The oral sex ban in the early 80s was a misinterpretation of the WoW's counsel to eat meat sparingly. Even outside the Mormon church it is a general rule that freaky sex acts should only be practiced if both partners are comfortable. The Mormon church agrees with this but adds themselves as the third partner in the holy threesome of Mormon sex. All partners must approve of the sex act before it is performed.