Some Advice to Warren Jeffs on Surviving in Prison

[_Everybody Wang Chung]

Warren Jeffs,

Now that you will be spending the rest of your natural life in prison, you will probably be getting a lot of advice on how to spend your time. You might want to avoid the following:

1. Joining the Muslim Brotherhood in an effort to act more "black";

2. Spending your free time in the showers picking up pieces of discarded soap to make animal sculptures;

3. Narrating everything your cellmates do in the voice of Morgan Freeman;

4. Avoiding spicy foods and tying your hands to your bunk at night in order to avoid "shaking hands with Mr. Lincoln"; and

5. Working on stretching out your sphincter, start small, and work your way up until you can smuggle large valuable items like cigarettes or a cell phone.

Anyways, just some friendly advice from your friends at Mormondiscussions.com. Good luck, Mr. Jeffs.

[_Quasimodo]

Warren must be wondering why God allowed the jury to find him guilty and then throw the book at him. Life in prison is nearly as bad as Joseph Smith's fate.

I wonder if he still thinks he's God's Prophet on earth? I also wonder if he ever really did think he was.

How many converts to the FLDS do you think he will make in prison?

Another thought. Will the FLDS continue to hold Jeffs as the Prophet or choose a new one?

[_Doctor CamNC4Me]

Doesn't matter. Somebody is going to wear that ass out.

- V/R
Doc Cam

[_The Nehor]

There's something deeply wrong with a culture that considers prison rape a joke.

[_RockSlider]

There's something deeply wrong with a culture that considers prison rape a joke.

seems to be more of a fact of life than a joke. Of course feeling hope and joy in anothers pain in such a matter is another thing. But then again, it is kind of a Karma type of deal.

[_DarkHelmet]

If a mob stormed the prison and killed him, he would seal his testimony with his blood. And if he reads the Book of Mormon while in prison, FLDS critics will have to crawl under , over, and around that fact.

[_DarkHelmet]

There's something deeply wrong with a culture that considers prison rape a joke.

I think if a man fights to the death to defend the chastity of his manhole, he should be honored. But if a man let's himself get raped, he is damaged goods.

[_Joseph Antley]

Does anyone know what prison Jeffs is going to? Is it a state or federal facility?

[_Doctor CamNC4Me]

There's something deeply wrong with a culture that considers prison rape a joke.

Hello Mr. The Nehor,

I'm not joking.

Someone is going to rape Mr. Jeffs' asshole relentlessly. It's actually pretty terrifying... Kind of like him raping a 12 year-old girl.

V/R
Dr. Cam

[_Sethbag]

Warren must be wondering why God allowed the jury to find him guilty and then throw the book at him. Life in prison is nearly as bad as Joseph Smith's fate.

I wonder if he still thinks he's God's Prophet on earth? I also wonder if he ever really did think he was.

How many converts to the FLDS do you think he will make in prison?

Another thought. Will the FLDS continue to hold Jeffs as the Prophet or choose a new one?

To borrow a link from the "add your caption..." thread:


If he ever thought he was following in Joseph's footsteps, he sure as hell will think so now, and he'll play the martyr card for all it's worth with his followers. Look what he suffers for his flock! Surely he's sealing his testimony with his life (at least his freedom). Look how The World is fighting against God's work. See how even this conviction and sentence to prison can be spun in a way that furthers his prophetic narrative?