Unrighteous Feelings and Emotions

[_Jason Bourne]

The speaker said that anger is an unrighteous emotion. I grew up believing that was true. I *know* I got that idea from Mormonism.

It would be so awesome if the church would teach people tools in coping with anger rather than just telling them it is wicked and bad to feel anger. I would seriously enjoy going to a class like that.

Here, have some entertainment: Turn it Off!

When I first saw my very good therapist and gave him background on the LDS Church ( being very TBM at the time) he asked if my Church taught that anger was bad or sinful. After I outlined the Church teaching on anger best I could that is where we began unraveling things.

[_Jason Bourne]

Why me

I know we all make spelling errors and I rarely point them out because I make them a lot. But here is some help for you.


It is despair not dispair.

[_why me]

Just me

I wonder if your local leaders are out of touch. If they promoted this subject line for talks I think they are. The Church in general I think is less and less stating that depression and the emotions that lead to it are evil inspired. They may be tough on anger. But other things such as discouragement, despair, hopelessness I think are recognized as just emotions that when excessive can lead to problems in life. Alexander Morrison, a GA wrote this book in 2003:

http://www.amazon.com/Valley-Sorrow-Lay ... 1590380878

.

We don't have the complete talk of the SP. We just have Just Me's take on it. But I do agree with you in what you just wrote. But I do beleive that satan loves to spread depression around, along with hopelessness. And he is finding it easy to do so with the world that we are now living in.

[_why me]

Why me

I know we all make spelling errors and I rarely point them out because I make them a lot. But here is some help for you.


It is despair not dispair.

I knew that. But...it left me for some reason. It happens.

[_Yoda]

I have no idea where people got the notion that I never attend church. This is not true at all. I do attend church depending on where I am at that moment.

What, exactly, does this mean?

When you first started posting with us, you stated that you were an inactive member of the Church...that you preferred to attend your Catholic parish. You stated that even though you admired many things about the LDS Church, you had decided that you weren't comfortable living an LDS life, and preferred attending your Catholic Church, the church you were raised in.

You also stated that you felt that many here give the LDS Church an "unfair rap", and because of that, you felt it necessary to be a defender of the LDS faith on this board.

I respect both of these stances.

However, as you know, there is a HUGE difference in attending an LDS meeting occasionally, and immersing ones' self in the LDS lifestyle, complete with home teaching, visiting teaching, holding callings, paying tithing, etc.

Therefore, I find it very disingenuous of you to dismiss someone who has selected the LDS lifestyle, and saying that they don't know what they're talking about, when you are the one who has been on the outside of the fence for a number of years.

Please correct me if I have misinterpreted your standing with the Church. Are you saying that you are now an active LDS member, in good standing?

[_karl61]

I have wondered how a religious community affects how we feel when home and not presently interacting with the community. I read recently how brady bunch mom Florence Henderson struggled with depression and "papal edicts" regarding birth control. I also remember reading a long time when Christian Slater revealed how guilty he felt driving on a saturday ( I'm pretty sure he was reared an orthodox jew).

[_MCB]

Forgive; blame oneself; turn to the aggressor; get hurt; blame oneself; turn to the aggressor; become more like the aggressor; get filled with generalized rage; become more like the aggressor. Hurt others thinkng that you are defending yourself while enthralled to the aggressor.

[_Jersey Girl]

During this particular talk, though, several disturbing statements were made about 1) hopelessness and despair being tools of the devil and having no place in our lives.

And herein lies the problem. Inept coping with hopelessness and despair can be thought of as "tools of the devil". For example, if one is feeling hopeless and despondent, and turns to drugs or alcohol as a numbing mechanism, that action could be seen as a "devil's tool".

I agree that there needs to be more focus on positive coping mechanisms for feelings of sadness, despair, feeling overwhelmed.

It sounds like the talk could have possibly just been worded poorly...which is, frankly, how a lot of this miscommunication starts.

What is the "mourning process"? Particularly what are these stages you speak of?

Just Me can correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe that she is referring to various stages which occur in grieving or mourning a loss. Any time there is a major loss in your life, there is a series of steps that everyone goes through as part of a natural cycle of emotions.

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

7 Stages of Grief...

5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

The example I gave above is specifically referring to a death, but it can apply to the loss of a job as well.

http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-sta ... grief.html

This is one of those evenings where I planned to flop into bed, saw this and feel compelled to comment.

The above stages are not necessarily passed through in order, 1-7 until one reaches a state of acceptance and hope. Some people who grieve, move from one stage to another and then go back and repeat one or more stages in a looping fashion. They can get "stuck" in one stage for long periods of time, while another stage may be brief.

In the case of a death that involved trauma, the stages are highly complex and pose a great risk to the survivor in terms of pain, suffering and ideation of suicide.

That said, all of the above stages and the emotions associated with them, are not "tools of the adversary". They represent a universal human process that is perfectly normal.

These emotions are not the work of the devil, they are the work of the human heart and based on love.

Rather than attempt to "control" the emotions involved, the optimum result is achieved when one allows themselves to "feel" each emotion to it's depth. Feeling it, wallowing in it, and working your way THROUGH it is the healthier route.

[_why me]

Forgive; blame oneself; turn to the aggressor; get hurt; blame oneself; turn to the aggressor; become more like the aggressor; get filled with generalized rage; become more like the aggressor. Hurt others thinkng that you are defending yourself while enthralled to the aggressor.

And yet, it would have been wonderful if you could have gotten control of your own anger emotion toward the Mormons and the lds church. How many years have you had this emotion? And it is this kind of example I believe that the stake president was talking about.

I have a friend who has had a bitterness/anger emotion toward his wife's family because his wife sister scheduled her wedding before his own wedding. Such negative energy which he has harbored for over 25 years destroyed his life and his marriage and his joy. In this example, the SP was right on target. My friend would have had a different life if he could have gotten over that episode and his emotions and not let such emotions contol him.

[_why me]

Rather than attempt to "control" the emotions involved, the optimum result is achieved when one allows themselves to "feel" each emotion to it's depth. Feeling it, wallowing in it, and working your way THROUGH it is the healthier route.

Every emotion can have a different cure. But in the case of my friend who has had anger/bitterness for over 25 years toward his wife's family would have been served in getting over his negativity and controlling it and by putting it all in a different perspective. Instead he has wallowed in it for over 25 years and finally his wife is now divorcing him.

His emotions were not positive by any means and they ruined his life. I believe that the SP was speaking about people like my friend as an example of how such negative emotions need to be overcome.