But it's a good place to raise kids

[_sock puppet]

A close friend from high school and I have taken very divergent paths in life. Every two or three years I get a call from him. He has perhaps been to a funeral or had a child go off to college or on a mission, and my friend asks what I remember of our time in high school.

I don't remember much from that time. That distresses him.

About 6 years ago, he placed one of the occasional calls to me. In the call, he told me he was a bishop. I got another call when he thought it was about 6 months before his stint as a bishop would come to an end.

In the most recent call, he explained he is now a stake president. This time, his focus was not nostalgic. It was obvious that the real purpose of his call was to ask why I am no longer active Mormon.

I explained that a look into Mormon history was for me the path out believing Mormonism's truth claims. (It took that for me--my wife just figured it out on her own from such obvious boners as Mormonism's racist treatment of Africans, and demeaning treatment of women vis-a-vis men.)

My friend and I discussed BKP's 'let it alone' comments from the last general conference. I told him that I took a long, hard look into that history for the first time more than 20 years ago. At this point, he volunteered, "But it's a good place to raise kids."

Then he took a minute or two of closing niceties and ended the call.

As I've reflected on this conversation, I have tentatively concluded that my old acquaintance does not believe in Mormonism's truth claims either. There was no surprise in his response when I explained my apostasy being due to the historical problems. He did not take issue with or ask why learning the history would lead to my disbelief. He did not iterate that he believes despite what he may himself have learned about Mormon history. His response was that Mormonism provides a positive social construct in which parents may raise children. That response felt like a ricochet off of the topic.

Before he became and even while he served as a bishop, my friend never allowed for discussion that Mormonism might not be true. He has a powerful personality and is very skilled at interpersonal relationships and communications. He had a Mormon zeal that nearly radiated.

In this last phone call, his affectation was very dull by comparison. No disappointment. No cajoling. Just matter of fact about his view that Mormonism is a good place to raise a child.

I've never pitied him until now. It is obvious that he is so deeply invested, it no longer matters to him whether Mormonism's truth claims are valid.

I wonder how he'll deal with any of his sons and his daughters that might someday figure it out for themselves and about him, and approach him and ask him why he pushed them to go on missions, marry in the temple, pay tithing, etc. when he didn't believe. I suspect that one or more of them may have approached him already, before he made the call to me.

He is very skilled at using any position as a springboard for further advancement. I would not be the least bit surprised if this friend climbs up the Mormon ladder a couple of more rungs. He is very corporate adept, particularly now that he has perhaps freed himself from Mormonism's superstitions and myths.

[_Everybody Wang Chung]

Excellent OP, sock puppet. It's too bad that your friend is so deeply invested, it no longer matters to him whether Mormonism's truth claims are valid. I've seen this happen many times and it's like a part of them died inside. Once someone stops caring about truth or knowledge, it's like their inner light goes out.

[_Buffalo]

I don't think it's a good place for teenagers - the church is just likely to make them hate themselves and develop all kinds of unhealthy psychological behaviors.

[_sock puppet]

I don't think it's a good place for teenagers - the church is just likely to make them hate themselves and develop all kinds of unhealthy psychological behaviors.

But hey, that they won't have tasted beer by the time their 20, wouldn't that be worth a lifetime of self-loathing?

I think many Mormon parents would say yes.

[_Themis]

But hey, that they won't have tasted beer by the time their 20, wouldn't that be worth a lifetime of self-loathing?

I think many Mormon parents would say yes.

Many Mormon parents are oblivious to the fact their children have tried beer, sex, etc. While the church provides many positive things for the individual and family, there are also a number of negative ones as well. Everything positive you can get from the church can be found in better places that have much less of the negative. One only chooses to stay within the Mormon church due to family. Leaving may actually be to hard on more then just the one leaving.

[_Buffalo]

I don't think it's a good place for teenagers - the church is just likely to make them hate themselves and develop all kinds of unhealthy psychological behaviors.

But hey, that they won't have tasted beer by the time their 20, wouldn't that be worth a lifetime of self-loathing?

I think many Mormon parents would say yes.

Sadly, most would say yes to that.

[_Morley]

Many would agree that the LDS Church might not be a good place to raise a gay child.

[_Buffalo]

Many would agree that the LDS Church might not be a good place to raise a gay child.

Sadly, the church makes gay kids feel so bad about themselves that they frequently end up killing themselves.

[_just me]

Many would agree that the LDS Church might not be a good place to raise a gay child.

Sadly, the church makes gay kids feel so bad about themselves that they frequently end up killing themselves.

So sad! But, hey, at least they never tried beer.

[_Turkey]

And how long now will that justification hold?

Perhaps from a superficial perspective the church is a good place to raise kids. But from my experience, I might argue the contrary.

Growing up, I had little reason to question the deeper meanings of life because the Mormon grownups already had all the answers. The "truth" was as dull as church. I found this stifling.

I would also point at this religion as one of the main contributors of dissent in my family. When I decided I would rather go to college than serve a mission, my mom blamed herself and dad for "not raising me right." When my sister got married to a non-member, my mom entered an emotional depression. To this day, when the family is all together, her sadness and disappointment is overwhelming. Her feelings of failure are simply because two children didn't become the TBM they ought to have. For this I blame the church & not her, as she blames herself & not her kids.

My wife and I were once a pair of disaffected young Mormons in love. Long story short, she found her way back to the iron rod; I have not. (I do still attend church with the family.)
When I am honest with my kids about my beliefs, my wife gets upset. When I used to be honest with my mother, she would get upset.

If I were to determine the single most disruptive source of harmony I've experienced in family life, it would almost certainly be -
go ahead and take a guess.