But it's a good place to raise kids
Posted: Sun Sep 18, 2011 3:02 am
A close friend from high school and I have taken very divergent paths in life. Every two or three years I get a call from him. He has perhaps been to a funeral or had a child go off to college or on a mission, and my friend asks what I remember of our time in high school.
I don't remember much from that time. That distresses him.
About 6 years ago, he placed one of the occasional calls to me. In the call, he told me he was a bishop. I got another call when he thought it was about 6 months before his stint as a bishop would come to an end.
In the most recent call, he explained he is now a stake president. This time, his focus was not nostalgic. It was obvious that the real purpose of his call was to ask why I am no longer active Mormon.
I explained that a look into Mormon history was for me the path out believing Mormonism's truth claims. (It took that for me--my wife just figured it out on her own from such obvious boners as Mormonism's racist treatment of Africans, and demeaning treatment of women vis-a-vis men.)
My friend and I discussed BKP's 'let it alone' comments from the last general conference. I told him that I took a long, hard look into that history for the first time more than 20 years ago. At this point, he volunteered, "But it's a good place to raise kids."
Then he took a minute or two of closing niceties and ended the call.
As I've reflected on this conversation, I have tentatively concluded that my old acquaintance does not believe in Mormonism's truth claims either. There was no surprise in his response when I explained my apostasy being due to the historical problems. He did not take issue with or ask why learning the history would lead to my disbelief. He did not iterate that he believes despite what he may himself have learned about Mormon history. His response was that Mormonism provides a positive social construct in which parents may raise children. That response felt like a ricochet off of the topic.
Before he became and even while he served as a bishop, my friend never allowed for discussion that Mormonism might not be true. He has a powerful personality and is very skilled at interpersonal relationships and communications. He had a Mormon zeal that nearly radiated.
In this last phone call, his affectation was very dull by comparison. No disappointment. No cajoling. Just matter of fact about his view that Mormonism is a good place to raise a child.
I've never pitied him until now. It is obvious that he is so deeply invested, it no longer matters to him whether Mormonism's truth claims are valid.
I wonder how he'll deal with any of his sons and his daughters that might someday figure it out for themselves and about him, and approach him and ask him why he pushed them to go on missions, marry in the temple, pay tithing, etc. when he didn't believe. I suspect that one or more of them may have approached him already, before he made the call to me.
He is very skilled at using any position as a springboard for further advancement. I would not be the least bit surprised if this friend climbs up the Mormon ladder a couple of more rungs. He is very corporate adept, particularly now that he has perhaps freed himself from Mormonism's superstitions and myths.
I don't remember much from that time. That distresses him.
About 6 years ago, he placed one of the occasional calls to me. In the call, he told me he was a bishop. I got another call when he thought it was about 6 months before his stint as a bishop would come to an end.
In the most recent call, he explained he is now a stake president. This time, his focus was not nostalgic. It was obvious that the real purpose of his call was to ask why I am no longer active Mormon.
I explained that a look into Mormon history was for me the path out believing Mormonism's truth claims. (It took that for me--my wife just figured it out on her own from such obvious boners as Mormonism's racist treatment of Africans, and demeaning treatment of women vis-a-vis men.)
My friend and I discussed BKP's 'let it alone' comments from the last general conference. I told him that I took a long, hard look into that history for the first time more than 20 years ago. At this point, he volunteered, "But it's a good place to raise kids."
Then he took a minute or two of closing niceties and ended the call.
As I've reflected on this conversation, I have tentatively concluded that my old acquaintance does not believe in Mormonism's truth claims either. There was no surprise in his response when I explained my apostasy being due to the historical problems. He did not take issue with or ask why learning the history would lead to my disbelief. He did not iterate that he believes despite what he may himself have learned about Mormon history. His response was that Mormonism provides a positive social construct in which parents may raise children. That response felt like a ricochet off of the topic.
Before he became and even while he served as a bishop, my friend never allowed for discussion that Mormonism might not be true. He has a powerful personality and is very skilled at interpersonal relationships and communications. He had a Mormon zeal that nearly radiated.
In this last phone call, his affectation was very dull by comparison. No disappointment. No cajoling. Just matter of fact about his view that Mormonism is a good place to raise a child.
I've never pitied him until now. It is obvious that he is so deeply invested, it no longer matters to him whether Mormonism's truth claims are valid.
I wonder how he'll deal with any of his sons and his daughters that might someday figure it out for themselves and about him, and approach him and ask him why he pushed them to go on missions, marry in the temple, pay tithing, etc. when he didn't believe. I suspect that one or more of them may have approached him already, before he made the call to me.
He is very skilled at using any position as a springboard for further advancement. I would not be the least bit surprised if this friend climbs up the Mormon ladder a couple of more rungs. He is very corporate adept, particularly now that he has perhaps freed himself from Mormonism's superstitions and myths.