DiscussMormonism.com

I grew up, steeped in the Superstitions of my Fathers (Mormonism). I did not enjoy as a teenager many of those things that my contemporaries not constrained by fear of god, specifically fear of the Mormon god, explored and enjoyed. Subsequently, my social and emotional maturation was stunted (or at least postponed).

I spent two years of my sexual prime being stuck with another male, not even of my own choosing and who was instructed to rat me out if I did so much as place a phone call to a friend or read a magazine. This was so that I could frowned upon, ostracized or worse if I behaved in an age appropriate way. In fact, I was not even allowed to read but a few 'approved' books about Mormonism, published by the Mormon Church or its publishing arms.

I went to a college where fraternities and the camaraderie that develops with it were not allowed. Gays were hunted by the campus police (yes, I was at BYU in the late 1970s) at that college.

Then, I had the audacity to look at the history of this august institution that supposedly does so much good for mankind. It became evident--painfully so given how much I'd invested, how much of life that I had missed--that Mormonism has been all along a big fraud.

Then came the realization that the 'gentile' world is full of good people, not the boogeymen that Sunday School, Primary, etc. had subtly instilled into my thinking. Good people, like many of you never Mo's that read and post here.

Have I been pissed? Yes. Have I been angry and vengeful? Yes. Are there residues of these emotions even 25+ years later? You bet.

Would I like a reset button, a Mulligan, a do-over? Absolutely, but that cannot happen.

So, never Mo's, I have envy for the fact that Mormonism has not deprived you of living your life as you see fit, not now nor ever in your pasts.

sock,

I'm glad you're posting again. You wrote,

So, never Mo's, I have envy for the fact that Mormonism has not deprived you of living your life as you see fit, not now nor ever in your pasts.

Sock, you are right that Mormonism has not deprived me of living my life as I see fit, however, everyone has obstacles in their lives such as health concerns, socio-economic woes that prevent one from living their lives as they'd like to.

From my own life in one way or another either first hand or via family members whose afflictions or conditions impacted me:

Cerebral Palsy
Social Stigma
Diabetes
Blindness
Alcoholism
Sexual abuse
Low level of education
Low economic status (I grew up dirt poor, okay? :-)
Death of a child, spouse, relative
Major depression
Single parenting
Child of single parent
Major Depression
Domestic violence
Trauma
PTSD
PPD
Suicide

So yeah, there are a number of obstacles that either I or my family members have encountered in life that prevented one or more of us from living the life we would have liked to live.

I say, look at those obstacles as tools you can use to rebuild your life, continue on, and hopefully to help others who encounter similiar circumstances. Develop an attitude of determination, appreciation and gratitude, find out what your passion is and pursue it like there is no tomorrow and you'll find some satisfaction in your life.

Your most important lessons are often those that come from those events in your life that caused you or someone else the greatest pain.

Look back only to see where you've been, then turn around and look ahead to where you're going. Keep yourself aware of opportunities and don't spend so much time grumbling that you miss the joy when it comes to you.

:-D

Funny you should mention this, sock puppet. I was just outside doing some yardwork and was thinking about the same thing:

Thousands of dollars of my own money I spent on a mission (could have been used for college and avoided years of loan-payoff).

Thousands of dollars that I spent on tithing, during the poorest time of my life (could have been used for savings, retirement, fun).

Thousands of hours that I spent in meaningless temple worship, meetings, meeting preparation, conference, etc. (could have been doing something enjoyable).

All of the opportunities I missed on exploring my sexuality in high school and college (I was a virgin until I was married). Not the most important thing I life, I agree, but it sure seems like it when you are 17!

selek wrote:Funny you should mention this, sock puppet. I was just outside doing some yardwork and was thinking about the same thing:

Thousands of dollars of my own money I spent on a mission (could have been used for college and avoided years of loan-payoff).

Thousands of dollars that I spent on tithing, during the poorest time of my life (could have been used for savings, retirement, fun).

Thousands of hours that I spent in meaningless temple worship, meetings, meeting preparation, conference, etc. (could have been doing something enjoyable).

All of the opportunities I missed on exploring my sexuality in high school and college (I was a virgin until I was married). Not the most important thing I life, I agree, but it sure seems like it when you are 17!

I don't know why we Never Mo's can't have one stinking thread to call our own around here.

:-D

Don't think in terms of "could have", think it terms of "will have".

I will have a life where I can live as my authentic self.
I will have a life where I can help others.
I will have a life where I can close my eyes at night knowing I made the best of each day.

etc...and etc.

Life is made for living.

Don't think in terms of "could have", think it terms of "will have".

I will have a life where I can live as my authentic self.
I will have a life where I can help others.
I will have a life where I can close my eyes at night knowing I made the best of each day.

etc...and etc.

Life is made for living.

In the purest, platonic-ist, most wonderful way...

I love you!!!

Beautiful posts, BFF.

Thanks Hoops and BFF. If you are fortunate to live long enough, sooner or later, life is going to drop you on your ass.

Hard.

You'll either learn to sit there and whine or you'll learn to get up.

As one who has had multiple experiences in this, I can tell you that getting up is better.

Each time makes you a little bit stronger and a little bit more determined to live authentically without the influence of other people's BS.

Life it too short not to live it as you.

:-)

Sock,

I doubt that Mormonism stunted your social development. Maybe in some ways it did, but I bet it also taught you some social skills you wouldn't otherwise have. Salesmanship, for example. Striking up conversations with strangers. Leading discussions. Formulating lesson plans. Making green jello. Studies show that people who attend church do better on the job and in the political arena because of the skills and networking opportunities church provides.

Swami Vivekenanda once said, "It's a blessing to be born into a religion, and a tragedy to die in one."

By that standard, you're on the right track.

Peace,

-Chris

CaliforniaKid wrote:Sock,

I doubt that Mormonism stunted your social development. Maybe in some ways it did, but I bet it also taught you some social skills you wouldn't otherwise have. Salesmanship, for example. Striking up conversations with strangers. Leading discussions. Formulating lesson plans. Making green jello. Studies show that people who attend church do better on the job and in the political arena because of the skills and networking opportunities church provides.

Some wise person once said, "It's a blessing to be born into a religion, and a tragedy to die in one."

By that standard, you're on the right track.

Peace,

-Chris

So true, CK!

I appreciate the perspectives posted, by never Mo's (Jersey Girl, CK, and Hoops), ex-Mo's (selek) and somewhat Mo's (just me).

The present is my only opportunity to change the future, and the past is set in stone (except for my perspectives on it).

Jersey Girl wrote:I say, look at those obstacles as tools you can use to rebuild your life, continue on, and hopefully to help others who encounter similiar circumstances.

I do try to help others encountering similar circumstances--at whatever age they may be--and let them know that they do not need to buckle to the family, peer and local social pressure of Mormonism as I did for way too long, and that they can get out of it at anytime, no matter how deeply their lives are then entrenched in Mormonism. I also push back at those trying to displace the autonomous decision making by individuals.