DiscussMormonism.com

So, like many of you, I found out that I have spent all my life believing a lie. It has a been a long journey and I write all the details, but here is a few things that lead me here:

1. Prop 8. I was living in California when this happened. It was unbelivable how much time and resources was put into this by the church. Everyone in my ward was basically forced to man phone stations and go around knocking doors to promote this. Promotion of this happened in sacrament meeting, sunday school, and priesthood/relief society. It was the least spirtual thing I have ever been a part of. People would bear their testimonies about all the evil things that would happen if this did not pass (Gasp! Their children might know that there are homosexuals in the world. Guess what? They already know.) I did not participate in this, as I believed it was not my role to force anyone to vote a specific way on this and was basically chastized for this. It worked out for some though, the guy that was in charge of the Prop 8 efforts was made bishop right after the prop passed.

2. All the historical inaccuracies. Too many too list. Book of Abraham, Book of Mormon inconsistencies, Joseph Smith using a rock in a hat to translate the Book of Mormon, polygamy, blacks banned from the priesthood, controversial and very weird things said by the prophets (men on the moon, Kolob, etc.), the temple and masonary. And it wasn't necessarily the inaccuracies, it was the fact that the church goes to such a great length to hide these and present such a pure history and tell all the members not to bother looking at any non-church sanctioned materials in the research. When I read about all the aweful FLDS pologamy stuff and how they all bore testimony of Joseph Smith, it made me interested in the LDS polygamy history, so I looked into it, found nothing from the official church sources, so I went to other church history (not anti-mormon literature, just legitimate history) and was appalled by what I found. It just snowballed from there. I knew there was stuff out there, but it is amazing how much is there. The fact that the church covers this up just makes it look even worse.

3. Where did all the prophesying go? You look at church history and Joseph Smith was always receiving revelations and prophesying about something, other earlier prophets did the same to some extent. Today, the prophet barely acknolwedges that he is a prophet. And instead of receiving some great revelation and general conference, you get a story of how some guy prayed for a quarter to buy some fried chicken. Yet despite this, we are required to blindly follow the church leaders.

4. Elitism and pride. I think it is funny how the church talks so much about avoiding pride, but pretty much every lesson is about how we are so blessed and better than everyone else in the world because we have the truth and we receive blessings that no one else can. That is all I keep hearing in church.

5. Finances. The church expects me every year to declare that I have paid a full tithe when I have no idea what they use it for. There is no financial transperency. And with all the for-profit ventures the church has, it just doesn't seem like something the one and true church should be doing. My wife had to get a job so that we could afford some of the things we needed, however, if we didn't have to pay as much tithing as we did she would not have had to do so.

6. I gave the Mormon promise a last try. I was reading the Book of Mormon and praying, telling God to manifest the truth to me because I was going to make a drastic decision if I did not have a witness of the truth. One day while I was reading the Book of Mormon, I realized that it was poorly written and seemed to be a rip off of the Bible and I wasn't getting anything out of it. That is when I realized I was no longer a believing Mormon anymore. And since then, I have felt like I am receiving so much light and knowldge and feel much better about myself, very similiar to how the church descrbies the feelings one should feel when they are in the church.

There is a lot more, but I think that is enough. I just need to figure out what to do next. I am married and my wife is very into the church. In the past any time there has been an questions about the church she has maintained that we are not supposed to question the church. I desperately want her to know what I know because I think it will make us both happier. However, I know the church teaches loyalty to the church first and am afraid of the consequences of what will happen when I bring this up to her. Any advice on how I should proceed?

Thanks.

Hey Winston,
If I were you I would migrate over to the NOM board ( http://forum.newordermormon.org/ ). You will find a little more of a support community and a soft landing spot. Those two things are important especially if you are trying to navigate your journey with a family that is not on the same page as you.

This a great board for open debate and the like, but you will probably find yourself being accused of being a coward (unless Winston is your real name), lazy (for not learning about the true history of the church sooner), or dishonest (for saying the church has lied to you). You may be in more need of support and apologists either do not understand what you are going through, or just really suck at offering any understanding or Christ like compassion.

If more of an open discussion/debate is what you are after, then pull up a seat.

Hi Winston,

Winston wrote: Any advice on how I should proceed?

Thanks.

First, I am not (Nor have I ever been) LDS, so please know that when evaluating/measuring my very, very short reply to you.

In my opinion you should proceed with great caution.
It is also my opinion that your wife (and kids?) should be at the very center of all things as you pause, reflect, and consider all that is ahead.


Best wishes and peace,
Ceeboo

However, I know the church teaches loyalty to the church first and am afraid of the consequences of what will happen when I bring this up to her. Any advice on how I should proceed?

I don't wish your situation on anyone. I don't know your wife, but I realize it must be difficult. Also, I'm a believing TBM so I'm not sure I have anything to offer. Just wanted to express my own concern. I'm sure its difficult. Good luck. I would say pray, but ya know.

If I could do it over again, I would NOT unload on my wife.

Instead, pretend that you are still a good, believing Mormon. Get the book No Man Knows My History or Rough Stone Rolling and read it in bed beside her. Every so often, say, "Huh... I didn't know this! Did you know Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon by putting his head in a hat?" Don't have any accusation in your voice. Just a factual thing you learned about Joseph Smith.

And don't do it with every fact. Pick and choose.

In my experience, the more anti-Mormon you become, the more hyper-Mormon she will become. And, yes, the truth about the early church IS anti-Mormon to most Mormons. Her defensive wall will come up and it will be nigh impossible to break it down.

Welcome to the board! I would do what Scottie suggests.

I left the church about a year and a half ago. I'm not married and I don't have any kids so it was a little easier for me. Well except all my family are Mormon and most of my friends were Mormon.

The people I did bring this stuff up to it just doesn't work. All what would happen is we would get into a debate. I think they saw it coming from a non believe and just felt I lost the truth and what I was reading couldn't be trusted. Or maybe they decided to put it into the back of their heads.

It's ok I didn't need to deconvert anyone. I just let them live by what makes them happy. The only time I talk about the church with my friends is when they question me.

I second the advice given here. The NOM board might be a much softer landing spot for you. Once you've found yourself a bit more, then you can have fun over here razzing the TBMs :)

Scottie wrote:If I could do it over again, I would NOT unload on my wife.

Instead, pretend that you are still a good, believing Mormon. Get the book No Man Knows My History or Rough Stone Rolling and read it in bed beside her. Every so often, say, "Huh... I didn't know this! Did you know Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon by putting his head in a hat?" Don't have any accusation in your voice. Just a factual thing you learned about Joseph Smith.

And don't do it with every fact. Pick and choose.

In my experience, the more anti-Mormon you become, the more hyper-Mormon she will become. And, yes, the truth about the early church IS anti-Mormon to most Mormons. Her defensive wall will come up and it will be nigh impossible to break it down.

This advice from Scottie is too important to ignore. I know because I thought I could traverse this road and then lead my spouse down it. It does not work that way.

Scottie wrote:If I could do it over again, I would NOT unload on my wife.

Instead, pretend that you are still a good, believing Mormon. Get the book No Man Knows My History or Rough Stone Rolling and read it in bed beside her. Every so often, say, "Huh... I didn't know this! Did you know Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon by putting his head in a hat?" Don't have any accusation in your voice. Just a factual thing you learned about Joseph Smith.

And don't do it with every fact. Pick and choose.

In my experience, the more anti-Mormon you become, the more hyper-Mormon she will become. And, yes, the truth about the early church IS anti-Mormon to most Mormons. Her defensive wall will come up and it will be nigh impossible to break it down.

I have had mixed to good success suggesting Rough Stone Rolling to faithful LDS, though not always. On the other hand No Man Knows My History, which I liked, is usually met with a firm belief that it is a pack of lies and not worth reading. Reading Brodie's work to her would probably just reinforce her opinion about the dangers of reading 'anti material'.

Thanks for the replies. Just trying to figure out what to do. In so many ways the knowledge I have makes me feel so free and happy now. But the family issue makes it so complicated. In addition to my wife, my family and my wife's family are very strong in the church.

I'm trying to guage my wife's interest in the church, she's always been strong in the church, but I think she enjoys the social aspects of it the most, but also she just doesn't know any other way to live her life other than the way the church teaches.

I love my wife deeply, and without the church, we wouldn't have even met, so I am grateful for that aspect. However, it appears the church's message to marry early creates a barrier to leaving the church to those that find the truth.