Mortal Man, spawn of Cinepro
Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 11:53 pm
Mortal Man lately has been giving cinepro some competition for the funniest poster award. Over at the other board, he writes the following to Will Schryver:
I'll try to make this as plain as I possibly can.
Setting the innermost winding to zero and plugging equation (4) into equation (3) yields the following formula for the missing length:
Ln=[(m-n)Wn2]/[2(Wn-Wm]
where:
n and m are outer (extant) winding numbers (with m>n),
Wn and Walmart are the winding lengths associated with these numbers,
Ln is the length of the scroll interior to the n-location.
This formula expresses a fundamental property of an Archimedean spiral. It represents an absolute ontological truth of the Universe. This equation was written by the fiery finger of God into the heart of Creation. It is immutable. Its veracity exists independent of humanity or anyone's opinion of it. Burn it into your psyche. Inscribe it into your phylactery. Paint it in blood on the upper door post of your house and reverence it when ye go in and when ye come out.
Note that the formula contains only two inputs: Wn and Walmart. The missing length depends on these two windings and nothing else. The thickness of the papyrus appears nowhere in this formula. There is no place to plug it in. Thickness has nothing to do with the missing length.
By forcing your thickness into the formula, you have effectively altered the winding lengths. You cannot introduce a third input without destroying the formula itself. This is a crime against nature and all existence. You have blasphemed Archimedes by twisting and bending his elegant spiral into a horrific labyrinth. Where once there was beauty and harmony, there is now only corruption and pain. Your altered formula is an atrocity, a monstrous spawn of an unholy man/beast union. You must shun it. Renounce it. Cast it into Mt. Doom and flee for your life before it devours your soul.