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I've told this story before, but it's a reminder to me of the importance of giving and sharing without being judgmental. I'm not telling this to bash the church, and my family has forgiven the people involved. And, because I know some people will tell me this is an exaggeration or we don't know the whole story, this story has been confirmed to me by my mother (who was appalled that my dad had told me about it) and two different family friends who were there.

My father told me this story about 3 or 4 years ago. I had never heard any of this, and it still hurts to think about it.

When my mother became pregnant with me, my father was a Ph.D. student at USC. He worked for an aerospace company one day a week, and they paid most of his tuition.

My parents had three children before I was born, and my dad's income barely paid the bills. They lived in a one-bedroom apartment that had been converted from a detached garage behind someone's house. Needless to say, they did not have health insurance.

About 5 months into the pregnancy, my mom started bleeding, and not just a little spotting. The doctor told her that she was going to miscarry, and she should just have a D&C and get it over with. But, since she insisted she was going to do everything possible to have the baby, he told her she would need bed rest until I was born.

My parents sent my brother and two sisters to my grandparents in Utah for four months so my mom could stay in bed. When I was born, the doctors discovered a life-threatening birth defect, and I had major surgery that day. I spent the next six weeks in the hospital before coming home on Christmas Eve.

My uncle gave my dad everything in his savings account, but it wasn't half as much as the bills. The Crippled Children's Fund loaned my dad the rest of the money. My dad was forced to quit school and go to work full-time.

Until I was almost 6 years old, I had to go to the hospital overnight once or twice a week to have my esophagus dilated. By then I had two younger brothers. My family was very poor, heavily in debt, and under a lot of stress.

From the time that my mom started the bed rest until I was done having my bi-weekly procedures, no one from the church provided child care, meals, rides to the hospital, nothing. We didn't get anything from the bishop's storehouse, and no money to help with the bills. Literally, the local ward did nothing to help my family.

Just after I turned six, we moved from that ward. A few days before we moved, the former Relief Society president showed up at our house. She begged my mother's forgiveness for not helping when we obviously needed help. She said that, in a ward council meeting, the bishop had said no one was to help the Williams family because "Brother Williams is not a full-tithe payer."

I can't tell you how much it hurt to hear this story. I gave so much of my life to the church, and this felt like a real betrayal. It still hurts.

But it reminds me that we must help people in need, even if we think they don't "deserve" it, even if it inconveniences us, and even if it's hard. I do not want anyone to think of me as someone who saw their need and didn't help.

Man, that's terrible. I'm glad that relief society sister at least could feel that that was wrong. Good moral, thanks for sharing.

Well if it is any comfort when I was bishop I did not tie assistance to being a full tithe payer. I did encourage it but no strings. I know many don't agree with that. Even members of the ward council opposed that and I was open to discuss it. But I found no scriptural mandate for such a requirement and I felt it was how God wanted me to handle fast offering assistance. I know other bishops who feel the same and others who do not.

Jason Bourne wrote:Well if it is any comfort when I was bishop I did not tie assistance to being a full tithe payer. I did encourage it but no strings. I know many don't agree with that. Even members of the ward council opposed that and I was open to discuss it. But I found no scriptural mandate for such a requirement and I felt it was how God wanted me to handle fast offering assistance. I know other bishops who feel the same and others who do not.

Are there no rules in the handbook for situations like this? Or is the rule so vague that it can be interpreted any which way the Bishop may deem appropriate?

Jason Bourne wrote:Well if it is any comfort when I was bishop I did not tie assistance to being a full tithe payer. I did encourage it but no strings. I know many don't agree with that. Even members of the ward council opposed that and I was open to discuss it. But I found no scriptural mandate for such a requirement and I felt it was how God wanted me to handle fast offering assistance. I know other bishops who feel the same and others who do not.

I don't feel bad about it anymore. It happened long ago, and I've been able to forgive. But it still does hurt a little. I think what bothers me more than anything is that no one questioned the bishop's counsel. That I don't understand.

I'm glad most bishops are good men like you.

Runtu,

Touching story, thanks for sharing.

About 7 years ago, and for the first time in my career, I was making really good money. My inactive neighbor had just lost his job and was in a financial bind. I started paying his mortgage until he could get back on his feet.

Shortly thereafter, my bishop called me in and asked me to please stop helping my neighbor financially, because he was working with my neighbor on food and other expenses. The bishop was afraid that with my meddling, our neighbor wouldn't rely on the Church's assistance and become active again. It became evident fairly quick that the bishop hadn't thought of the possibility that my neighbor could lose his house.

I ignored my bishop's advice and continued helping until y neighbor found another job a few months later. I never regretted my decision. If I ever have to stand in front of the Savior, I don't think I will have to justify my actions in ignoring the bishop.

IMHO, the Church can do a much better job as a charity and with member's tithing money.

I find it is the individuals, far more often than the institution, that deserves our thanks. And I find it is individuals who, far more often than the institution, help the destitute around here. Regular donations to our area's food bank are the result of individuals, not the church.

From observing around here: if there's no press attached, the church doesn't put out much effort. The stake did put in a lot time and effort one Saturday in late summer to help clean up a neighboring village... but of course they got major local press from their efforts.

Just my cynicism peeking through...

Everybody Wang Chung wrote:Runtu,

Touching story, thanks for sharing.

About 7 years ago, and for the first time in my career, I was making really good money. My inactive neighbor had just lost his job and was in a financial bind. I started paying his mortgage until he could get back on his feet.

Shortly thereafter, my bishop called me in and asked me to please stop helping my neighbor out financially because he was working with my neighbor on food and other expenses. The bishop was afraid that with my meddling, our neighbor wouldn't rely on the Church's assistance and become active again. It became evident fairly quick that the bishop hadn't thought of the possibility that my neighbor could lose his house.

I ignored my bishop's advice and continued helping until our neighbor until he found another job a few months later. I never regretted my decision. If I ever have to stand in front of the Savior, I don't think I will have to justify my actions in ignoring the bishop.

IMHO, the Church can do a much better job as a charity and with member's tithing money.

I've never understood using welfare assistance as a tool to reactivate or recommit members. Seems pretty mercenary to me, but I suppose that's what my parents' bishop was trying to do.

Runtu wrote:
I've never understood using welfare assistance as a tool to reactivate or recommit members. Seems pretty mercenary to me, but I suppose that's what my parents' bishop was trying to do.

Could you imagine how different the New Testament would be if Jesus adopted the Church's stance on welfare assistance?

I do not write nearly as well as Runtu but this is offered in the same spirit that his story was. I was inactive at the time and did not pay tithing.

About ten years ago my then 17 year old son was riding a skateboard on a sidewalk without a helmet and fell striking the back of his head on the concrete suffering a traumatic brain injury. Fortunately for all of us one of his younger brothers was with him and was able to summon help immediately.

We rushed him to the hospital where he underwent a MRI which revealed a dime size bleed (subdural hematoma) in his brain. Three hours later when he became disoriented with a dilated pupil they did another MRI and discovered that the bleed was much larger and would require immediate brain surgery.

My wife and I spent the next two weeks night and day by his side in a cold ICU room waiting for him to regain consciousness, wondering if he did come back to us what kind of damage had been done. Every imaginable tube and wire was attached to him. There was a heart rate monitor, a body temperature monitor, a blood pressure monitor, an intubation tube, a catheter, 2 IV trees with more clear plastic bags then I thought possible and the worst of all was the wire coming out of his brain. This one indicated the pressure of the brain against the skull as it swelled from the surgery and injury. We knew exactly how to read that monitor and agonized hour after hour as we watched it hover at dangerous levels.

Eventually he regained consciousness and we realized after a lengthy rehab in the hospital he would be, for the most part, fine. It required another six weeks of hospitalization to get him to the point where we could bring him home. During this time his mother or I or both would stay with him to assist in this process.

For those two months his mom and I were living at the hospital. I would go home at night to sleep and the return to the hospital during the day after work, while his mom would sleep in the bed the hospital provided next to our son. (I returned to work about three weeks after the accident.)

All this time our other 3 sons, ranging in age from 15 down to 9 years old, were at home alone. My wife and I did not have to prepare one meal, or worry about how the boys were getting to their three different schools, or the many different sports and church activities in which they were involved. Clothes were washed and the house cleaned by church volunteers, many of whom I had never met. Meal coordination, transportation and cleaning were also planned without our involvement. Basically we were told “Go take care of your son and do not worry about anything else.”

I remember coming home tired and worried a few nights after the accident to check on the boys. I walked into the kitchen and found the table strewn with food that no one had bothered to put away. I lost my temper and immediately began yelling at the 15 year old for not being responsible. “How can you not even take the time to put away the food?” I yelled. He calmly got up and walked over and opened the refrigerator. Looking inside I saw that ward members had brought over so much food that there was no empty room left. My son calmly asked me where I thought the food should go.

For me, when I look back at this experience and the help that was provided in our time of need, I get emotional. For the most part I never knew who was involved in helping us, outside of it being unnamed ward members and a few other close friends. Nor do I ever recall anyone mentioning being involved, it was all done in the spirit of giving and it was humbling to be on the receiving end.