I got beaten down in prayer

[_zeezrom]

As a teen, I had much hope in prayer. I believed it worked and I used it often and with gusto. I often prayed for:
1. Help to know the Book of Mormon was true
2. Some giant altruistic cause
3. Help to stop looking at "porn" i.e. Mervyns and Lands End catalogs
4. Forgiveness

I got beat on all these fronts.

My most memorable experience was when I noticed my Earth Science teacher (9th grade) was really having a hard time. I could by tell by her voice, mannerisms, and general demeanor that her life was not going well. One week was particularly hard for her. Some students made fun of her in class and I could tell, it upset her. I decided I would pray for her. I felt this was definitely a prayer worth praying. I prayed one night that her day would go better tomorrow, she would feel peace, and i would see her smile. I believed it would come true. It had all the right ingredients:

- a good cause
- something HF would also want
- I believed
- I was fairly worthy-feeling that week

I went to school feeling excited to see my teacher happy and smiling. I went to class and found my hopes were dashed. Not only was she in a horrible mood but she also had her shirt on backwards and kids were snickering about it. I felt confused and discouraged. It was a pretty big blow to my faith in prayer.

As an adult and looking back, I realize I started changing my prayers. My prayers changed from the glamorous to the watered down. It's like starting out Elijah and ending Gordon Hinckley. After a while, you realize the best thing to pray for is motivation to work harder so you can solve problems yourself.

Thoughts?

[_consiglieri]

I think it was wonderful of you to pray for your teacher.

I almost wonder if her knowing you were praying for her would have benefited her more than the actual prayer itself.

All the Best!

--Consiglieri

[_zeezrom]

That's nice of you, Consig.

[_Morley]

Shortly after giving birth to my little sister, my mother was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. I was twelve and Mormon and knew God was in everything. Over the next year, as she cycled in and out of the hospital, my father grew ever more desperate, angry, and distant. I grew ever more fervent in my prayers, sometimes praying in my mind as I was walking to school or talking with my friends. The night she died, I hadn’t prayed for her before I went to sleep. I woke up to the phone, ringing in the call that announced her passing. For too many years, I carried the guilt that, through my negligence, I’d been complicit in her death. I knew that my lack of faith and flagging diligence had killed her.

[_zeezrom]

Morley,

Tears.

Zee.

[_consiglieri]

Isn't that terrible how we guilt ourselves like that, Morley?

Not to compare my situation with that of your mom in magnitude, but I had a similar experience with my dog in high school who got attacked by another dog and was down at the vets in bad shape.

I went down with a friend and gave him a blessing, then went back to the all night Book of Mormon reading marathon at a neighbor's house.

My dog died early the next morning.

Now, I had given him a priesthood blessing, and I was up all night reading the Book of Mormon with friends.

But I couldn't help thinking that I was too light minded at the Book of Mormon marathon, and I should have been up all night by myself holding a vigil of sorts.

Maybe then he wouldn't have died.

It is an interesting psychological phenomenon, and may be the other side of the coin of the human desire for control.

All the Best!

--Consiglieri

[_Morley]

... It is an interesting psychological phenomenon, and may be the other side of the coin of the human desire for control. ...

And the teachings that suggest we have control.

[_consiglieri]

Bingo!

Even though we all know about how Jesus said not my will but thine be done, we still think God will favor us by doing our will, not his, so long as we dot all the i's and cross all the t's.

And just one little i left undotted can screw the pooch.



All the Best!

--Consiglieri

[_zeezrom]

Bingo!

Even though we all know about how Jesus said not my will but thine be done, we still think God will favor us by doing our will, not his, so long as we dot all the i's and cross all the t's.

And just one little i left undotted can screw the pooch.



All the Best!

--Consiglieri

Makes you wonder why we ask for things in our prayers at all. Maybe we should just tell HF about our day.

I can see 3 reasons people might pray:

1. Ask for something (selfish or not)
2. Worship
3. Shoot the breeze (i.e. give thanks, vent, etc)

1 doesn't work. He likely gets annoyed with 2. I guess 3 is fine with him.

[_bcspace]

Am still not a millionaire, but my prayers always seem to be answered one way or another, especially in terms of peace, confidence, and everything turning out for good in the end.