OPEN LETTER to Runtu
Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2012 5:45 pm
Dear Runtu,
I read your blog, Runtu's Rincon, from beginning to end. I was going to post a few things on it, a few replies, but I thought I might as well do it here for many can read it. I read some of your missionary stories, and enjoyed them. I look forward to getting "Heaven Up Here" soon. Here are my comments on some things you posted:
1. Mormon Apologists in Denial and Depression
I was one for many years. I defending the Church against anti-Mormon attacks for many years, even after I left the Church! Why? Many reasons. Perhaps because some anti-Mormons lie, like Decker et al. And I can't stand such people. Decker's lies that Mormon missionaries were "CIA agents" may have contributed to the deaths of missionaries in Peru and Bolivia. Also, anti-Mormons have, over the years, treated me quite badly. Some of them men would threaten to beat me up, or spit on me, or call my mother a whore. It was a personal thing. But over the years somehow, I knew, in the back of my mind, that one day I would become an Anti-Mormon. I tried to fight those feelings, but they were psychic. Today I actually am "Anti-Mormon" meaning I activity try to "fight" Mormonism on a daily basis. I am one of the ex-Mormons who can't just "leave it alone and get on with my life". I have no life to "get on" with. I sacrificed college to do research to defend Mormonism. Got caught in working for nowhere jobs at minimum wage, where one cannot afford to go to school or the job prevents one from going. I used to work 12 hours per day 6 days per week, from 8am to 8pm, not on a wage but a "comission". I made about 900 dollars month, and my rent and food and gas came to about 900 per month. Hard to save for school. How does one "go to school" when one works 12 hours per day seven days per week? Never married. No "live in" girlfriends. No girlfriends at all. Enjoy a stripclub once in a while. So, I sacrificed my life, foolishly, to try to defend the church. The Church had BILLIONS, and was not spending "one thin dime" to try to answer anti-Mormon questions. I should have figured out why....IT CAN'T. It doesn't even "try". Foolishly, I tried, and tried, and tried. But, it did't work. It took me years, even after I left the Chruch, to say "Joseph Smith was a fraud". I could not say that for years, even when I knew that was the truth. I would have rather pulled by tongue out by the ROOTS rather than say that. But, finally, I did. It hurt. It hurt BAD. But, eventually, I can say it pain-free. So, I have "no life" to "get on" with. My life was destroyed. True, I did it to myself. The Church never asked me to do that. The Church simply wanted me to marry a fat ugly Mormon woman, work at two jobs, give 20 percent of my earning to the church, attend my meetings, NOT THINK, and blindly obey. That's what the Church wanted me to do. But, I had to refute the anti-Mormon arguments, because, I'm of the type that can't tolerate "contradictions". I've discovered, most Mormons have no problems with "contradictions". Most Mormons compartimentalize. Contradictions don't bother them. I could not. Either Mormonism was all true, or false. I could not pick and choose. At least you have a life. A wife whom, I presume, at least at one point you could look at naked without throwing up. Children. My "children" (dogs) all died on me. Attractive women don't marry men who work 12 hours per day, 6 days per week, at 900 per month. If you saw the kind of woman who would marry such a man, that will explain to you why I never married "that" woman. So, don't be so depressed. You have a WONDERFUL life. So, yes, I think Scott Gordon is in denial. I think Dan Peterson is in denial. I think all "initiated" (those who know the facts) Mormon apologists are in denial. Why? Because....for them either Mormonism is true, or there is no God and life has no purpose. False dichotomy, but that's how they view things. So, NO, I just can't give up "Mormonism" completely and "get on with my life" because I have none to "get on" with. At least, my crusade against Mormonism gives me purpose beyond myself. It makes me feel I'm fighting an Evil Empire, like Luke Skywalker. He really didn't have a life either. The only woman he "dug" was his own sister, Yoda died on him, and his own father was a complete asshole. Kind of like my life, but I don't have a sister. Luke didn't have a woman, a house, nor children. He had R2D2 and a light-sabor. That's it. But he had a MISSION....to defeat the Evil Empire. That gave him purpose in life, something larger than himself, a reason to live. So, Runtu, don't be so depressed. You've got it pretty damn good, actually.
True, if I can save an $20 (which is not easy) a month, I go down to the strip club and have some super-sexy naked 18 year old get one inch from my nose.
But, after that, I go home alone. She'll go home and crawl in bed with her meth-addicted outlaw biker boyfriend whom she supports (food, rent, drug habit), even though he cheats on her with everybody, hits her occassionally, steals from her even though she pays for everything. She loves HIM. Me....no way! I'm just a "chump"; one of many she sees every day. She couldn't love me anymore than I could fall in love with an Umbangi woman with AIDS and breasts handing down below her knees. So, at the end of the night, I get back into my 1973 Pinto with the cracked windshied, torn up apolstery, leaking room (and I live where it rains all the time), rotting floorboards, hoping it will start, and go home to my laptop (which I saved up 8 years to buy for $130 dollars), and my one-room shit-hole of an apartment in the seediest side of town where I have to hope that I don't find a dead homeless person sleeping my my car tomorrow morning. The beautiful 18 year stripper will go home to her meth-addicted abusive cheating no-good boyfriend, probably to find him in bed with another stripper. But...will she love me? Hell no! She loves HIM, and always will. Its in her DNA.
True, I could go to the Mormon Single's Dances, and I do occassionally. I will go there, and it will be the same: a bunch of fat, ugly, old, or mentally-challenged LDS woman sitting along the walls, or around tables, as a few people dance (badly) to "Give Me That Old Time Rock-and-Roll". Maybe five or six couples are dancing. Usually, a very sexy woman and her rich Non-Mormon boyfriend, and then you have two fat chicks dancing together because no man ever asks them, then you have a few plain janes of ages 35 to 65 dancing with a few old men. Now, I could probably find a plain jane with a few extra pounds, who is about 35 to 55, at these dances. Rare, but possible. But, of course, they're going to date the guy who is 75 and owns his own business rather than me. I'm 51, but these gals are going to go for the guy who is 65 or older with a business and his own home. Can't blame them, I guess; no more than they should "blame" me for going to a strip club. That's about it. It's either "that" or the stripclub, or staying home. Those are my choices. So, Runtu, you have it pretty good. I wouldn't be so depressed if I were you.
So, for those who say, "Darrick, you need to get on with your life". I have to say, I don't have one. I can't "get" one. There is no light at the end of this tunnel. Unless I win the lotto, I can't "get" a life. Impossible if you work all the time, have no money or time for school, and make barely enough to survive. Oh yes, if I was a Mormon, the Church would want 10 per cent of what little income I do make, and Uncle Sam wants me to send some of my money in! He'll send it back later. But, what dear Uncle Sam doesn't know, is that if I send money "in" I can't eat now. I can't wait for later to eat.
Faithful Mormons will say, "Oh, had you been a good worthy Member of the Church, then the Lord would have sent you great blessings, and you would have been successful and had a beautiful woman to take to the Temple!"
BS! I WAS a good "worthy" member of the Church for many years. I did all the things. In fact, I did not have sex of any kind, and all my single Mormons friends DID, and THEY were the ones "blessed". Their businesses and professions thrived. They married young sexy sweet things in the Temple (or married them otherwise). Yet, they were highly immoral in their personal lives. It shewed me that personal morality means nothing as far as material success or procuring a young sexy Mormon woman. Nothing. What matters is personality, drive, ambition...the same things that attract women to any man. Mormon women are no different from any other women. Not in the least.
So, fighting against the Evil Empire (the Mormon Church) does give me "mission" in life, a reason for being, something beyond myself, something "greater" than myself, a purpose other than simply to survive. I'm Luke Skywalker, and the Mormon Church is the evil empire with Tommy Monson (the Dark Sith Lord Emperor) at its head.
2. You mission in Boliva was not a waste of time! Not just because you learned Spanish and met your wife there. The lives of the people you changed for the "good" will be accounted to you for righteouness; meaning, it was good karma, and you'll get good karma in return. By convincing people to become Mormons, you undoubtedly saved at least some of them from harmful habits, drunkeness and its accompaning evils such as spouse and child abuse. You saved some of young men from crime and/or gangs. You saved some of the young women from prostitution or marrying gangsters or drunks. So, you did much good. As an office elder too, you helped other missionaries do much good by allowing them to teach others. And doing good is good. And, according to Dr. Dahesh, the Prophet of Lebanon (whom I currently follow), all "good" will be received back, if not in this life, then the next.
3. The Only True Church. Mormonism indoctrinated us into thinking we needed a human organization, an authorized priesthood, men with "authority" over us. According to Dr. Dahesh, the miracle-working Prophet of Lebanon, we don't need any of that! All we need to do is to live the "Good Religion". Jesus called it the "Pure Religion": take care of the widows and orphans, and keep the Golden Rule (do unto others as ye would have them do unto you). I've found, especially among affluent Mormons, that the only Golden Rule they follow is: "Whomever has the most gold...rules!" They see the Gospel as a "way" to "get stuff" from God: like more money, houses, cars, promotions, careers, healthy children, beautiful young woman, successful "driven" man, protection in travel. "Stuff"--the very same "blessings" that Hindus think they get when they offer flowers and peanuts to Ganesh--the element-headed god of India. Most of these types of Mormons despised me, because I was poor. I reminded them of failure, that which they despised most. So, they did NOT have to be honest with me, because I was not "worthy" of their honesty. They did not have to respect me, because I was not "worthy" of their respect. The Golden Rule did not "apply" to me, so, they didn't apply it. I was "beneath" them, and they let me know that by words and/or by deeds. But, that eventually allowed my eyes to be openned, and to crawl out of my state of denial, and look at things with open eyes. So, do not be discouraged that you spent two years in Bolivia, because for every person you convinced to become Mormon, and stop smoking and drinking and fooling around, you changed their lives for the good, and all "good" is repaid: either in this life or the next.
4. BIG LOVE and its "Temple Endowment" sequences. That was my idea. I wrote to them during the first session and suggested to them that if they did a "Temple Sequence" on air, it would generate about a million dollars of free advertising for BIG LOVE, because it was so controversial. And....it did. I am not ashamed of that. Many stupid ignorant Evangelicals believe the LIES of Ed Decker and others of his ilk, thinking that Mormons sware oaths to Lucifer in the Temple, and that it is a dark Satanic looking place where people dress in black robes, candles, with a goat's-head pentegram on the floor. Hundreds of thousands of those idiots really believed that! So, I think BIG LOVE did the Temple Sequence very respectfully. I wanted BIG LOVE to succeed, because I wanted them to introduce a black Mormon character and do a whole episode on the Curse of Cain cover up---how the Church is now denying it ever taught the Curse of Cain doctrine (which is true...the Church is now denying they ever taught it). Well, of course, it never came about. Instead, the creators did a series of episodes on how the Church drives homosexual Mormons to suicide. Remember that? And, yes, that was in response to Prop 8! And the ratings went down BAD and never recovered. So, the assholes. They should have taken my suggestions about the Black Mormon character and the Curse of Cain Cover-up.
5. Yes...Mormonism will change! It always has. Eventually, the Church will "come clean" about Joseph Smith philandering, and admit he was "a sinner like the rest of us". They will eventually STOP teaching that Lamanites are the American Indians, and begin to suggest that the Lamanites became extinct not long after the Nephites, and that is why their DNA can't be found in the American Indians. Eventually, all this will happen, because eventually the Church "changes"; just as the Catholic Church eventually had to admit that the Earth was not flat, and that the Sun does not revolve around the Earth. Yet, the Catholic Church continued. So will the Mormon Church.
6. Dr. Dahesh taught that the Atheist who does more good works than the Christian or the Muslim will receive a better reward than they in his next life. So, untimately, if Daheshism is true, it does not matter what religion or church we belong to, or if we belong to any. We are judged only how we "treat" other sentient beings, and nothing more. God does not expect us to do what "I" did: waste our lives studying all the religions of the world to see which one was true (this is what I did...literally). We can't do that. We have to work jobs, get educations, and raise families. We can't all QUIT LIFE and study all religions until we find the True Religion! Life would end. Nothing practical would be done. But God does not require that. Jesus came to preach the Good News, that all we need to do to please the Father is DO GOOD to our fellow man and beast. That is all God requires, and that is the only "thing" we shall be judged by.
Compared to some, Runtu, you have a wonderful life, to be envied. Don't be so depressed.
Please read "Some Answered Questions About Dr. Dahesh and Mormonism" in the posts below. You'll find it. Look for my name "Daheshist" in the author column. You'll enjoy reading it. I look forward to reading your book. Take care.
Darrick Evenson
I read your blog, Runtu's Rincon, from beginning to end. I was going to post a few things on it, a few replies, but I thought I might as well do it here for many can read it. I read some of your missionary stories, and enjoyed them. I look forward to getting "Heaven Up Here" soon. Here are my comments on some things you posted:
1. Mormon Apologists in Denial and Depression
I was one for many years. I defending the Church against anti-Mormon attacks for many years, even after I left the Church! Why? Many reasons. Perhaps because some anti-Mormons lie, like Decker et al. And I can't stand such people. Decker's lies that Mormon missionaries were "CIA agents" may have contributed to the deaths of missionaries in Peru and Bolivia. Also, anti-Mormons have, over the years, treated me quite badly. Some of them men would threaten to beat me up, or spit on me, or call my mother a whore. It was a personal thing. But over the years somehow, I knew, in the back of my mind, that one day I would become an Anti-Mormon. I tried to fight those feelings, but they were psychic. Today I actually am "Anti-Mormon" meaning I activity try to "fight" Mormonism on a daily basis. I am one of the ex-Mormons who can't just "leave it alone and get on with my life". I have no life to "get on" with. I sacrificed college to do research to defend Mormonism. Got caught in working for nowhere jobs at minimum wage, where one cannot afford to go to school or the job prevents one from going. I used to work 12 hours per day 6 days per week, from 8am to 8pm, not on a wage but a "comission". I made about 900 dollars month, and my rent and food and gas came to about 900 per month. Hard to save for school. How does one "go to school" when one works 12 hours per day seven days per week? Never married. No "live in" girlfriends. No girlfriends at all. Enjoy a stripclub once in a while. So, I sacrificed my life, foolishly, to try to defend the church. The Church had BILLIONS, and was not spending "one thin dime" to try to answer anti-Mormon questions. I should have figured out why....IT CAN'T. It doesn't even "try". Foolishly, I tried, and tried, and tried. But, it did't work. It took me years, even after I left the Chruch, to say "Joseph Smith was a fraud". I could not say that for years, even when I knew that was the truth. I would have rather pulled by tongue out by the ROOTS rather than say that. But, finally, I did. It hurt. It hurt BAD. But, eventually, I can say it pain-free. So, I have "no life" to "get on" with. My life was destroyed. True, I did it to myself. The Church never asked me to do that. The Church simply wanted me to marry a fat ugly Mormon woman, work at two jobs, give 20 percent of my earning to the church, attend my meetings, NOT THINK, and blindly obey. That's what the Church wanted me to do. But, I had to refute the anti-Mormon arguments, because, I'm of the type that can't tolerate "contradictions". I've discovered, most Mormons have no problems with "contradictions". Most Mormons compartimentalize. Contradictions don't bother them. I could not. Either Mormonism was all true, or false. I could not pick and choose. At least you have a life. A wife whom, I presume, at least at one point you could look at naked without throwing up. Children. My "children" (dogs) all died on me. Attractive women don't marry men who work 12 hours per day, 6 days per week, at 900 per month. If you saw the kind of woman who would marry such a man, that will explain to you why I never married "that" woman. So, don't be so depressed. You have a WONDERFUL life. So, yes, I think Scott Gordon is in denial. I think Dan Peterson is in denial. I think all "initiated" (those who know the facts) Mormon apologists are in denial. Why? Because....for them either Mormonism is true, or there is no God and life has no purpose. False dichotomy, but that's how they view things. So, NO, I just can't give up "Mormonism" completely and "get on with my life" because I have none to "get on" with. At least, my crusade against Mormonism gives me purpose beyond myself. It makes me feel I'm fighting an Evil Empire, like Luke Skywalker. He really didn't have a life either. The only woman he "dug" was his own sister, Yoda died on him, and his own father was a complete asshole. Kind of like my life, but I don't have a sister. Luke didn't have a woman, a house, nor children. He had R2D2 and a light-sabor. That's it. But he had a MISSION....to defeat the Evil Empire. That gave him purpose in life, something larger than himself, a reason to live. So, Runtu, don't be so depressed. You've got it pretty damn good, actually.
True, if I can save an $20 (which is not easy) a month, I go down to the strip club and have some super-sexy naked 18 year old get one inch from my nose.
But, after that, I go home alone. She'll go home and crawl in bed with her meth-addicted outlaw biker boyfriend whom she supports (food, rent, drug habit), even though he cheats on her with everybody, hits her occassionally, steals from her even though she pays for everything. She loves HIM. Me....no way! I'm just a "chump"; one of many she sees every day. She couldn't love me anymore than I could fall in love with an Umbangi woman with AIDS and breasts handing down below her knees. So, at the end of the night, I get back into my 1973 Pinto with the cracked windshied, torn up apolstery, leaking room (and I live where it rains all the time), rotting floorboards, hoping it will start, and go home to my laptop (which I saved up 8 years to buy for $130 dollars), and my one-room shit-hole of an apartment in the seediest side of town where I have to hope that I don't find a dead homeless person sleeping my my car tomorrow morning. The beautiful 18 year stripper will go home to her meth-addicted abusive cheating no-good boyfriend, probably to find him in bed with another stripper. But...will she love me? Hell no! She loves HIM, and always will. Its in her DNA.
True, I could go to the Mormon Single's Dances, and I do occassionally. I will go there, and it will be the same: a bunch of fat, ugly, old, or mentally-challenged LDS woman sitting along the walls, or around tables, as a few people dance (badly) to "Give Me That Old Time Rock-and-Roll". Maybe five or six couples are dancing. Usually, a very sexy woman and her rich Non-Mormon boyfriend, and then you have two fat chicks dancing together because no man ever asks them, then you have a few plain janes of ages 35 to 65 dancing with a few old men. Now, I could probably find a plain jane with a few extra pounds, who is about 35 to 55, at these dances. Rare, but possible. But, of course, they're going to date the guy who is 75 and owns his own business rather than me. I'm 51, but these gals are going to go for the guy who is 65 or older with a business and his own home. Can't blame them, I guess; no more than they should "blame" me for going to a strip club. That's about it. It's either "that" or the stripclub, or staying home. Those are my choices. So, Runtu, you have it pretty good. I wouldn't be so depressed if I were you.
So, for those who say, "Darrick, you need to get on with your life". I have to say, I don't have one. I can't "get" one. There is no light at the end of this tunnel. Unless I win the lotto, I can't "get" a life. Impossible if you work all the time, have no money or time for school, and make barely enough to survive. Oh yes, if I was a Mormon, the Church would want 10 per cent of what little income I do make, and Uncle Sam wants me to send some of my money in! He'll send it back later. But, what dear Uncle Sam doesn't know, is that if I send money "in" I can't eat now. I can't wait for later to eat.
Faithful Mormons will say, "Oh, had you been a good worthy Member of the Church, then the Lord would have sent you great blessings, and you would have been successful and had a beautiful woman to take to the Temple!"
BS! I WAS a good "worthy" member of the Church for many years. I did all the things. In fact, I did not have sex of any kind, and all my single Mormons friends DID, and THEY were the ones "blessed". Their businesses and professions thrived. They married young sexy sweet things in the Temple (or married them otherwise). Yet, they were highly immoral in their personal lives. It shewed me that personal morality means nothing as far as material success or procuring a young sexy Mormon woman. Nothing. What matters is personality, drive, ambition...the same things that attract women to any man. Mormon women are no different from any other women. Not in the least.
So, fighting against the Evil Empire (the Mormon Church) does give me "mission" in life, a reason for being, something beyond myself, something "greater" than myself, a purpose other than simply to survive. I'm Luke Skywalker, and the Mormon Church is the evil empire with Tommy Monson (the Dark Sith Lord Emperor) at its head.
2. You mission in Boliva was not a waste of time! Not just because you learned Spanish and met your wife there. The lives of the people you changed for the "good" will be accounted to you for righteouness; meaning, it was good karma, and you'll get good karma in return. By convincing people to become Mormons, you undoubtedly saved at least some of them from harmful habits, drunkeness and its accompaning evils such as spouse and child abuse. You saved some of young men from crime and/or gangs. You saved some of the young women from prostitution or marrying gangsters or drunks. So, you did much good. As an office elder too, you helped other missionaries do much good by allowing them to teach others. And doing good is good. And, according to Dr. Dahesh, the Prophet of Lebanon (whom I currently follow), all "good" will be received back, if not in this life, then the next.
3. The Only True Church. Mormonism indoctrinated us into thinking we needed a human organization, an authorized priesthood, men with "authority" over us. According to Dr. Dahesh, the miracle-working Prophet of Lebanon, we don't need any of that! All we need to do is to live the "Good Religion". Jesus called it the "Pure Religion": take care of the widows and orphans, and keep the Golden Rule (do unto others as ye would have them do unto you). I've found, especially among affluent Mormons, that the only Golden Rule they follow is: "Whomever has the most gold...rules!" They see the Gospel as a "way" to "get stuff" from God: like more money, houses, cars, promotions, careers, healthy children, beautiful young woman, successful "driven" man, protection in travel. "Stuff"--the very same "blessings" that Hindus think they get when they offer flowers and peanuts to Ganesh--the element-headed god of India. Most of these types of Mormons despised me, because I was poor. I reminded them of failure, that which they despised most. So, they did NOT have to be honest with me, because I was not "worthy" of their honesty. They did not have to respect me, because I was not "worthy" of their respect. The Golden Rule did not "apply" to me, so, they didn't apply it. I was "beneath" them, and they let me know that by words and/or by deeds. But, that eventually allowed my eyes to be openned, and to crawl out of my state of denial, and look at things with open eyes. So, do not be discouraged that you spent two years in Bolivia, because for every person you convinced to become Mormon, and stop smoking and drinking and fooling around, you changed their lives for the good, and all "good" is repaid: either in this life or the next.
4. BIG LOVE and its "Temple Endowment" sequences. That was my idea. I wrote to them during the first session and suggested to them that if they did a "Temple Sequence" on air, it would generate about a million dollars of free advertising for BIG LOVE, because it was so controversial. And....it did. I am not ashamed of that. Many stupid ignorant Evangelicals believe the LIES of Ed Decker and others of his ilk, thinking that Mormons sware oaths to Lucifer in the Temple, and that it is a dark Satanic looking place where people dress in black robes, candles, with a goat's-head pentegram on the floor. Hundreds of thousands of those idiots really believed that! So, I think BIG LOVE did the Temple Sequence very respectfully. I wanted BIG LOVE to succeed, because I wanted them to introduce a black Mormon character and do a whole episode on the Curse of Cain cover up---how the Church is now denying it ever taught the Curse of Cain doctrine (which is true...the Church is now denying they ever taught it). Well, of course, it never came about. Instead, the creators did a series of episodes on how the Church drives homosexual Mormons to suicide. Remember that? And, yes, that was in response to Prop 8! And the ratings went down BAD and never recovered. So, the assholes. They should have taken my suggestions about the Black Mormon character and the Curse of Cain Cover-up.
5. Yes...Mormonism will change! It always has. Eventually, the Church will "come clean" about Joseph Smith philandering, and admit he was "a sinner like the rest of us". They will eventually STOP teaching that Lamanites are the American Indians, and begin to suggest that the Lamanites became extinct not long after the Nephites, and that is why their DNA can't be found in the American Indians. Eventually, all this will happen, because eventually the Church "changes"; just as the Catholic Church eventually had to admit that the Earth was not flat, and that the Sun does not revolve around the Earth. Yet, the Catholic Church continued. So will the Mormon Church.
6. Dr. Dahesh taught that the Atheist who does more good works than the Christian or the Muslim will receive a better reward than they in his next life. So, untimately, if Daheshism is true, it does not matter what religion or church we belong to, or if we belong to any. We are judged only how we "treat" other sentient beings, and nothing more. God does not expect us to do what "I" did: waste our lives studying all the religions of the world to see which one was true (this is what I did...literally). We can't do that. We have to work jobs, get educations, and raise families. We can't all QUIT LIFE and study all religions until we find the True Religion! Life would end. Nothing practical would be done. But God does not require that. Jesus came to preach the Good News, that all we need to do to please the Father is DO GOOD to our fellow man and beast. That is all God requires, and that is the only "thing" we shall be judged by.
Compared to some, Runtu, you have a wonderful life, to be envied. Don't be so depressed.
Please read "Some Answered Questions About Dr. Dahesh and Mormonism" in the posts below. You'll find it. Look for my name "Daheshist" in the author column. You'll enjoy reading it. I look forward to reading your book. Take care.
Darrick Evenson