OMG, Time Flies! I've been a secret apostate for years now!

[_just me]

I just can't believe I started this journey somewhere around 3 years ago. The cog-dis began around the time of Prop8 for unrelated reasons. I stopped believing totally at least 2 years ago. Now it seems like time has gone by so fast and here I am, finally getting ready to take my leap of faith off the edge of the known and into the unknown. I've sometimes been frustrated with myself, watching others take a much quicker exit from the church. I was happy with my pace in the early stages, but now not so much.

Life is a lot more exhilarating and complicated without the church to tell me what to do. I get to actually think about things myself now. But, in another way, it is more simple. I don't have to worry about utterly stupid crap.

The funny thing about humans is that no matter how awesome we are, we are also messy and sloppy. We make choices and sometimes we like the results and sometimes we don't. Whose to say that those choices were "wrong" or "right?" They just lead to different experiences and no matter the outcome those experiences become part of us.

I've been told that what I have done is selfish and that I am damaged. It's not okay, what I did. Not to my family. Not to my church family. Thinking for myself and doing things that are good for me is the highest offense. The hurtful things they have said were said out of love and concern, of course. That doesn't make it hurt less.

This has truly been my Refiner's Fire. I will never be the same person I was. I don't want to be. I have been made a new creature. I have broken the bonds and I am free.

The most treasured things I have learned from my journey are these few things:

*God/ess is within me and within each person
*To see the face of god/ess is to truly see myself
*When we serve others, we serve god/ess
*God/ess is love
*Life is precious and precarious and fleeting-live your personal truth


Doing this...doing this is hard. Staying in the church is hard. Leaving the church is hard. Everyone has to follow their own heart, their own path. Live the life you were meant to live. Help people along the way, if you can.

You know the kite story that gets told in church sometimes? The one where the kite can only fly as long as it is tethered by the string? The string is supposed to be the commandments and church and all that. Well, my old kite string was all knotted and tangled and short. Kite strings can be replaced. I found a better one. It is longer, stronger and the fibers are smooth and tangle resistant. I added some more ribbons to the tail, too. Just because I can.

[_Runtu]

Marvelous post. You are quite correct: there is no single path, and all of us must find the one that works for us and helps us find happiness and meaning. I'm glad you have found your way. Too many people never take the time to find out who they really are and what kind of life they want to live.

[_why me]

I knew that just me was heading out the door ages ago. It was written all over her posts. This is why I disagreed with liz that she and some others on this board are active Mormons. This board has very little true blue Mormons on it and it is reflected in their posts.

Leaving the church is not hard if one does not believe. It is just a matter of walking out the door and not looking back.

The LDS church does not tell people how to live life. They advise people how to live life and one can choose to do it or not. It is really that simple. And at the end of the day, no one is totally free to do life the way they wish to do it. We have wives, husbands, boyfriends, girlfriends, children, bosses all telling us what we need to do and when we need to do it. No one is free, not even the hermit living in the wilderness is free.

And just me, what will you do differently now that you are free? Go hiking on sunday? Go to the movies? Go shopping? Sleep in? Or during the week? We all begin to live routine lives but nevertheless a different routine.

[_Runtu]

I knew that just me was heading out the door ages ago. It was written all over her posts. This is why I disagreed with liz that she and some others on this board are active Mormons. This board has very little true blue Mormons on it and it is reflected in their posts.

Leaving the church is not hard if one does not believe. It is just a matter of walking out the door and not looking back.

The LDS church does not tell people how to live life. They advise people how to live life and one can choose to do it or not. It is really that simple. And at the end of the day, no one is totally free to do life the way they wish to do it. We have wives, husbands, boyfriends, girlfriends, children, bosses all telling us what we need to do and when we need to do it. No one is free, not even the hermit living in the wilderness is free.

And just me, what will you do differently now that you are free? Go hiking on sunday? Go to the movies? Go shopping? Sleep in? Or during the week? We all begin to live routine lives but nevertheless a different routine.

It's ironic that you're railing on her for saying that Mormonism didn't work for her, as it obviously doesn't work for you, either. Why can't you just be happy that she's found peace and happiness in her life? I celebrate the happiness my Mormon friends and family have in their lives, but apparently that's too much to ask from you.

[_why me]

It's ironic that you're railing on her for saying that Mormonism didn't work for her, as it obviously doesn't work for you, either. Why can't you just be happy that she's found peace and happiness in her life? I celebrate the happiness my Mormon friends and family have in their lives, but apparently that's too much to ask from you.

I am glad that she is finally being honest. And that is important: to put your cards on the table for all to see. But lets face it, she remained silent in sunday school or in any other meeting because she needed to find opportunities to support her disbelief and in this case it was with the people who made comments. Why attempt a discussion? Or a dialogue when looking for an out?

And here is my point: she was gone a long time ago. She just needed to be honest at that moment. I saw it as I saw it with zee. Ray saw it too. Nothing unusual at all.

[_Bond James Bond]

@just me: Kudos but you already know you're awesome.

@why me: reload your avatar photo.

[_sock puppet]

It's ironic that you're railing on her for saying that Mormonism didn't work for her, as it obviously doesn't work for you, either. Why can't you just be happy that she's found peace and happiness in her life? I celebrate the happiness my Mormon friends and family have in their lives, but apparently that's too much to ask from you.

I am glad that she is finally being honest. And that is important: to put your cards on the table for all to see. But lets face it, she remained silent in sunday school or in any other meeting because she needed to find opportunities to support her disbelief and in this case it was with the people who made comments. Why attempt a discussion? Or a dialogue when looking for an out?

And here is my point: she was gone a long time ago. She just needed to be honest at that moment. I saw it as I saw it with zee. Ray saw it too. Nothing unusual at all.

just me has been honest from her first post here (and zeezrom from his first post).

I go to dance and singing recitals that my young niece participates in. Would I rather be having a beer at the local pub? Damn right. But I go to the recitals. It makes her day. I do it for her. That does not make me less honest just because I willingly go just because on the other hand I might tell my contemporaries I'd rather not be going to the recitals.

Does that make me dishonest, why me? Or does that make me considerate of my niece?

I don't recall just me or zeezrom having posted that at church they got up and 'bore a testimony' or said anything that was at odds with what they posted here.

[_sock puppet]

Hey, just me,

nirvana--it's more than just a place, it and Gn'R were the best damn rock bands of the 1990s.

[_MCB]

Excellent post!!

[_LDSToronto]

I knew that just me was heading out the door ages ago. It was written all over her posts.

You're a regular Encyclopedia Brown, aren't you?

H.