Token...
Posted: Wed May 30, 2012 10:47 pm
Hello newbies, and old folks. Yes, it's been a while since I last posted here. No, I am not a troll. My husband would disagree on an average day, but I'm really not. I am the real Sam Harris. I'm not here to make trouble (though my question probably will...still it is important to me). I probably won't post here a great deal, religion in general is not something that I choose to discuss with anyone at this point. It's just that the "issue" (it should be a non-issue) that I have is one best discussed here. The group of people was broad enough when I left, to include members and non. Maybe you can provide insight on something that I keep being told is dead within the church, but I keep seeing otherwise.
I still have LDS friends. The few people who accept that I left the church. There are a few who may be in denial, but we get along just fine.
I have a friend who I am very concerned about. I'm not bringing this subject up to paint all Mormons with a broad brush, because the ones I know are not like this. But my friend lives on the other side of the country, and unless she is Angela Davis (wasn't that my old nickname on here? BC?), she's not militant when it comes to race. I sure as hell am not, I like my multi-ethnic fam. Well, except for my in-laws. My cow of a MIL can bite me.
It's just that I watch her get used as a token friend by church members time and time again, and it burns me up. "You know I love you, insert inane platitude about your struggle that I can't relate to, also, do you know Jesus? You don't seem to, because you talk about your issues with race. It's an illusion." Every single time she points out an injustice of ANY kind, she gets hammered by these folks, who start talking about Jesus, and condemning her for pointing out that racism still exists, and she is a victim of it. They talk down to her for her feelings and say that she is going against what Christ taught. She advocates equality, and because she is black, she's told she's making a mountain out of a molehill (I have watched contemporaries of ours who are not do the same thing and get a "hear hear").
But these are people who would not let their sons marry her. These are people who were young during the priesthood ban and "Cain" teachings. These are people who have her as their ONLY black friend.
Every African American Mormon female friend I have is single. They walked the same path as me, we went to the temple, all of them went on missions (one is on her mission now, after being jilted right before the altar), we're talented, they have degrees...mine is still in progress.
Bottom line, we're good people. But they sit with the old ladies who no one would marry, and dream of the men Heavenly Father has waiting for them in the CK. Well, not me. I chose an imperfect existence with my very own Peter Griffin. I just feel anger for my friends. We've been paired up with every African man that passes by. Culturally, we're closer to the white men we sit next to in Sacrament than we are our brothers from Ghana. I have more in common with my husband (though his parents think I'm from Compton, lmao) than I did with the cute guy from Ghana who scared the crap out of me by getting my address from the Ward directory and showing up on my doorstep randomly. Perhaps had he introduced himself one Sunday first, I'd be his wife now. Meh...
I feel for my sisters. I feel for my closest sister who gets shut down every time she points out injustice in the form of prejudice or cultural ignorance. Shut down by Mormons who admit they have not been far from their own kind in their life. She's told that the problem lies with her, that SHE is the racist. A woman who has never married, yet adopted a mixed child who was abandoned at a hospital, while she worked for Family Services. I remember when she called me about him, seven years ago.
I just don't understand why someone would hold out, and accept a lifetime of loneliness in a place that emphasizes family, because someone is too afraid to see just how alike we all really are. Not to mention the assumptions. Yes, my hair is "velcro-y". No, you can't touch it. You'll cut your fingers. Yet, when the subject of prejudice is brought up, we're told we're not like Jesus. I don't get it. I'll be honest. I left because I wanted a family. Religion is just a vehicle to me (I'm walking right now), and I didn't have the strength to "wait it out", so to speak.
For those in the church...I'm not even going to suggest that YOU INDIVIDUALLY are racist. Hell, being Mormon doesn't even have to be a pre-requisite for that....not these days (tea, anyone?). But what would you say to my friend, when she's struggling? Those who are not LDS, be they never LDS or people who have left, what would you say to her?
Because I'm tired of people treating my friend like her name is Token, and I'm feeling a bit defensive. This person is the reason why I stayed LDS as long as I did, she reached out and taught me a few things about what it was like to be "us" within the body of Mormon culture. She's getting more and more frustrated, and she will never leave the church. Why should she, if she doesn't want to? But all these folks who claim to love her...but they can't even try to think about what it might be like to be her?
I still have LDS friends. The few people who accept that I left the church. There are a few who may be in denial, but we get along just fine.
I have a friend who I am very concerned about. I'm not bringing this subject up to paint all Mormons with a broad brush, because the ones I know are not like this. But my friend lives on the other side of the country, and unless she is Angela Davis (wasn't that my old nickname on here? BC?), she's not militant when it comes to race. I sure as hell am not, I like my multi-ethnic fam. Well, except for my in-laws. My cow of a MIL can bite me.
It's just that I watch her get used as a token friend by church members time and time again, and it burns me up. "You know I love you, insert inane platitude about your struggle that I can't relate to, also, do you know Jesus? You don't seem to, because you talk about your issues with race. It's an illusion." Every single time she points out an injustice of ANY kind, she gets hammered by these folks, who start talking about Jesus, and condemning her for pointing out that racism still exists, and she is a victim of it. They talk down to her for her feelings and say that she is going against what Christ taught. She advocates equality, and because she is black, she's told she's making a mountain out of a molehill (I have watched contemporaries of ours who are not do the same thing and get a "hear hear").
But these are people who would not let their sons marry her. These are people who were young during the priesthood ban and "Cain" teachings. These are people who have her as their ONLY black friend.
Every African American Mormon female friend I have is single. They walked the same path as me, we went to the temple, all of them went on missions (one is on her mission now, after being jilted right before the altar), we're talented, they have degrees...mine is still in progress.
Bottom line, we're good people. But they sit with the old ladies who no one would marry, and dream of the men Heavenly Father has waiting for them in the CK. Well, not me. I chose an imperfect existence with my very own Peter Griffin. I just feel anger for my friends. We've been paired up with every African man that passes by. Culturally, we're closer to the white men we sit next to in Sacrament than we are our brothers from Ghana. I have more in common with my husband (though his parents think I'm from Compton, lmao) than I did with the cute guy from Ghana who scared the crap out of me by getting my address from the Ward directory and showing up on my doorstep randomly. Perhaps had he introduced himself one Sunday first, I'd be his wife now. Meh...
I feel for my sisters. I feel for my closest sister who gets shut down every time she points out injustice in the form of prejudice or cultural ignorance. Shut down by Mormons who admit they have not been far from their own kind in their life. She's told that the problem lies with her, that SHE is the racist. A woman who has never married, yet adopted a mixed child who was abandoned at a hospital, while she worked for Family Services. I remember when she called me about him, seven years ago.
I just don't understand why someone would hold out, and accept a lifetime of loneliness in a place that emphasizes family, because someone is too afraid to see just how alike we all really are. Not to mention the assumptions. Yes, my hair is "velcro-y". No, you can't touch it. You'll cut your fingers. Yet, when the subject of prejudice is brought up, we're told we're not like Jesus. I don't get it. I'll be honest. I left because I wanted a family. Religion is just a vehicle to me (I'm walking right now), and I didn't have the strength to "wait it out", so to speak.
For those in the church...I'm not even going to suggest that YOU INDIVIDUALLY are racist. Hell, being Mormon doesn't even have to be a pre-requisite for that....not these days (tea, anyone?). But what would you say to my friend, when she's struggling? Those who are not LDS, be they never LDS or people who have left, what would you say to her?
Because I'm tired of people treating my friend like her name is Token, and I'm feeling a bit defensive. This person is the reason why I stayed LDS as long as I did, she reached out and taught me a few things about what it was like to be "us" within the body of Mormon culture. She's getting more and more frustrated, and she will never leave the church. Why should she, if she doesn't want to? But all these folks who claim to love her...but they can't even try to think about what it might be like to be her?
