You might be an apologist if ...

[_Bob Loblaw]

You think a prophet having sex with a lot of women is a sign of God's "expansive morality," but saying the f-word is a sign of moral depravity.
You think one cannot properly discuss the Book of Abraham without an expert knowledge of Egyptian, but Egyptologists who reach different conclusions from the church's position are out of their element.
You think that horse means tapir, and steel means obsidian and wood; but "no death before the fall" means that it is absolute fact that there was no death before 6000 years ago.
You believe early Christian scribes and priests altered the text of the Bible, thus requiring a restoration of the truth through Joseph Smith, but the wholesale rewrites of revelations in the Doctrine and Covenants are just clarifications.
You think it's prejudiced to vote against someone who is Mormon, but not to withhold the priesthood from a "cursed" race.
You think the United Order is an expression of pure capitalism, whereas repealing the Bush tax cuts is evidence of creeping socialism.

[_quark]

Nice.

Do apologists really believe no death before 6000 years ago?

[_Racer]

You think that any 19th Century quote that shows the church or its leaders in a positive light is unquestionably legit, but you also think that any 19th Century quote that shows the church or its leaders in a negative light is clearly suspect, transcribed wrong, taken out of context, doesn't have enough source material to verify, or is an outright lie.

[_Emma Smith]

You A) have no hair or B) have an awful, and I mean really really awful, haircut.

[_Drifting]

...you believe misogyny is a valid tactic.
...you think Krispy Kreme's are the latter day equivalent of manna from heaven.
...you think Metcalfe is a Butthead.
...you believe John Gee is a credible defender of scroll length and ink colour.