Between silence and speaking out

[_Stormy Waters]

For those of us who leave the church, do we have a moral obligation to speak up?

I feel that by saying nothing I'm enabling the church. If I say nothing they'll get to control the narrative. They'll paint people like me as wicked and insincere. If I say nothing my friends and family will only be exposed to the history that the church chooses to tell them about. Don't they deserve to know the truth?

At the same time, by speaking up about the reasons I no longer believe I will likely drive my family and friends farther away. The social costs seem to be too expensive.

So what is the right balance in our personal lives?

At least in my case I feel like I'm damned if I do. Damned if I don't.....

[_Madison54]

For those of us who leave the church, do we have a moral obligation to speak up?

I feel that by saying nothing I'm enabling the church. If I say nothing they'll get to control the narrative. They'll paint people like me as wicked and insincere. If I say nothing my friends and family will only be exposed to the history that the church chooses to tell them about.

At the same time, by speaking up about the reasons I no longer believe I will likely drive my family and friends farther away. The social costs seem to be too expensive.

I decided when I left the church that I would not be the cause of destroying another person's testimony. I honestly believe that most will not listen anyway (unless they are ready to hear the truth about the church).

However, I have made it clear to active members of my family, that I will answer any questions they want to ask me and discuss anything they'd like to discuss if they have questions (regarding church history, etc.). So far, no one has taken me up on it.

I have found that suddenly I know nothing about the church nor do I have anything valid to add when discussing the church (in their minds as soon as I left).....so I usually say nothing when the church is discussed in family situations or get togethers. What's ironic is that I could run circles around any one of them if we ever got into a debate about church doctrine or its true history and I am more well read than all of them put together (not boasting....it's just a fact). Of course that wasn't the case when I was TBM. Too bad I really started reading and studying after I left.

[_Dr. Shades]

For those of us who leave the church, do we have a moral obligation to speak up?

Nope.

I feel that by saying nothing I'm enabling the church. If I say nothing they'll get to control the narrative.

Too late. They've always gotten to control the narrative. It's the old "You wouldn't ask a Ford salesman about a Chevy, would you?" syndrome that works so much in their favor.

They'll paint people like me as wicked and insincere. If I say nothing my friends and family will only be exposed to the history that the church chooses to tell them about.

That's the way it's always been. Nothing changed.

Don't they deserve to know the truth?

Yes, but only if they ask.

At the same time, by speaking up about the reasons I no longer believe I will likely drive my family and friends farther away. The social costs seem to be too expensive.

I vote that they indeed are too expensive. If you drive your family and friends farther away, then the church has already won.

So what is the right balance in our personal lives?

Only you can answer that question, since only you are in your particular circumstances. In my opinion, though, Madison54 nailed it: Don't tell anyone unless they ask. Should you do otherwise, they'll only resent you for it; they won't learn from it.

[_MCB]

Agreed. Aggressive anti-Mormon proselytization is only sinking to their level, and turning the relationship into a hostile one.

However, discussion of literature that has parallels with the Book of Mormon, without mentioning those parallels, and other subjects, will later contribute to the AHA! moment. For example, discussion of Shakespeare's "The Tempest" and "Hamlet" and Judith and Maccabees from the Catholic deuterocanon, as well as the Norse settlements on Greenland and what could have happened if they had been more successful should be excellent back-door approaches.

[_Ceeboo]

Hey Southwest

For those of us who leave the church, do we have a moral obligation to speak up?

I feel that by saying nothing I'm enabling the church. If I say nothing they'll get to control the narrative. They'll paint people like me as wicked and insincere. If I say nothing my friends and family will only be exposed to the history that the church chooses to tell them about. Don't they deserve to know the truth?

At the same time, by speaking up about the reasons I no longer believe I will likely drive my family and friends farther away. The social costs seem to be too expensive.

So what is the right balance in our personal lives?

At least in my case I feel like I'm damned if I do. Damned if I don't..... I just wish the LDS church would hurry up and die already.

I can only begin to imagine how difficult and tough it would be to find myself in this position.

I would think (perhaps this shows my ignorance and/or bias?) that it depends heavily on the individual, the entire family dynamic, priority evaluations, and a clearly very personal set of circumstances for anyone who might find themselves in this position.

Great caution, sincere pause, and measuring twice before cutting would be my advice.

Peace,
Ceeboo

[_DarkHelmet]

The best thing anyone can do is just be your genuine self, and live your own life. It's not always easy. We put on different acts for different audiences, but there is no reason why anyone should be forced to be silent, or forced into the loud, angry apostate role. The most effective exmormons I've known are the ones who left the church, moved on with their lives, and never looked back. I know people like that who never participate in online Mormonism forums, don't go out of their way to "attack" the church, but if you ask them about it, they consider Mormonism as an insignificant joke of a religion that they don't want to waste anymore of their life on. The BC Space types assume these people are sinners, or turned gay, or want to smoke, but will eventually return once they hit rock bottom. When these people never return to the fold and live happy, productive lives, how do you explain that?

[_Stormy Waters]

I think Madison is right. Probably the best thing I can do is to keep quiet and keep the peace. Offering explanations only by request.
I'm just frustrated since due to the age change requirements I have relatives who are now gearing up to serve a mission. I thought maybe I could at least make them aware of all the facts before they commit years of their life to the church. But obviously if I did it my family would probably never forgive me. I guess I just have to accept the reality that it's beyond my control. Personally I found the mission to be a painful experience that I wish I could prevent my siblings from going through.

[_Stormy Waters]

Too late. They've always gotten to control the narrative. It's the old "You wouldn't ask a Ford salesman about a Chevy, would you?" syndrome that works so much in their favor.

I never understood why they use that line. Because inversely you wouldn't go to the Chevy dealer and expect them to be completely honest with you.

[_Stormy Waters]

The best thing anyone can do is just be your genuine self, and live your own life. It's not always easy. We put on different acts for different audiences, but there is no reason why anyone should be forced to be silent, or forced into the loud, angry apostate role. The most effective exmormons I've known are the ones who left the church, moved on with their lives, and never looked back. I know people like that who never participate in online Mormonism forums, don't go out of their way to "attack" the church, but if you ask them about it, they consider Mormonism as an insignificant joke of a religion that they don't want to waste anymore of their life on. The BC Space types assume these people are sinners, or turned gay, or want to smoke, but will eventually return once they hit rock bottom. When these people never return to the fold and live happy, productive lives, how do you explain that?

That is my end goal. To get to a place where I can move on and never look back. I question the wisdom of spending time reading and thinking about Mormonism at this stage in my life. I've already wasted enough time on Mormonism.

[_Drifting]

Too late. They've always gotten to control the narrative. It's the old "You wouldn't ask a Ford salesman about a Chevy, would you?" syndrome that works so much in their favor.

I never understood why they use that line. Because inversely you wouldn't go to the Chevy dealer and expect them to be completely honest with you.

That line is used because thinking that the facts Mormonism tells you about itself may be dishonest is better for them than you going and finding out for yourself that they definitely are.