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So this one is new for me. Today the primary president dropped by with a gift bag containing a big thing of candy and a bunch of “we miss you cards.” So they, the primary presidency, organized the class we taught (8 year olds) and the classes our kids are in (slightly younger age groups) to sign a card and then make their own cards stating how much they miss us. I highly doubt we are that missed in any real sense not that I want to be missed.

One concern is she, the primary president, drove over and dropped the gift bag and stated she had to immediately go. I think she was embarrassed by this whole plan or whatever one may call it. I would have loved to discuss the good tidings she brought. Instead she sought the easy way out. I am concerned that the primary presidency thinks this is ‘okay’ behavior which it is not. Our kids are now wondering why they have received “we miss you cards” and therefore wondering what they missed. Basically, the Church leadership has put us in an awkward position of explaining what these cards are about and the ultimate purpose of the cards and candy (note: our kids hate going to the LDS Church and have little idea that we are inactive, they are just happy not to go). Either way, the cards received by our kids have now opened up the conversation of our status with the LDS church and we are not prepared for this conversation with the kids because we do not know what we plan on doing…

A couple musings: why does the church always deal with crappy junk food, why not some fresh fruit or something similarly interesting and healthy? Why drop off these types of cards? Why not address the heads of the household before doing such actions as described above.

Also, the primary president has been an ultimate asshole to the kids on numerous occasions, for instance, she gave a lecture on tank tops to the whole primary for roughly 30 mins while knowing ahead of time my very young daughters were two of three in the primary wearing tanktops. Who lectures a primary on tanktops? Also, she lectured the primary on healthy foods (word of wisdom lesson) and listed carbohydrates as the most important and displayed pizza as healthy food. Needless to say she is gross. Hate to be rude but we are at a crossroads and my space is not being respected.
Also, the bishop called last week asking if we need anything. He is a really nice guy and has given us plenty of space. I guess we are now the ward project. We are there to make the ward members feel good about their efforts, to make them feel good they are strong in the Church, and to give them someone to gossip and ostracize. Standard Mormon Reaction (SMR).

Resign
Resign
Resign
Resign
Resign
Resign

They are asking for it and you will be better off. We did right before we moved from NYC to OKC because my wife and I were sick and tired of getting this "reactivation" crap in every city we've lived in for the last 15 years. We wanted it to stop once and for all and it has.

Are you still considering a move to Utah? If so you will definitely want to arrive there as an exmormon instead of an inactive.

This is how I described my reasoning to the bishop when he called and made the obligatory inquiry about why we were having our names removed.

I told him the church was like a credit card company. I hadn't used their card in 15 years and I never planned to again because I had switched to cash only. Yet the account was still there affecting my credit rating and filling my mailbox and answering machine with obnoxious offers and teasers to use the card. So I want to cancel the account. Simple as that. He had no more questions.

You might want to reframe the issue like this if you need to explain to your wife, kids, extended family, or the bishop.

Let the bishop know you do not want to be contacted under any circumstances or at least set up limits with him that are acceptable to you.

Fence Sitter wrote:Let the bishop know you do not want to be contacted under any circumstances or at least set up limits with him that are acceptable to you.

The "do not contact" list is a temporary fix at best. The next bishop, primary president, or set of missionaries will inevitably make a contact that you don't want.

Ask the Bishop why he is allowing members of the ward behave like this:

Many suspected molesters engaged in what psychologists today call "grooming behavior," a gradual seduction in which predators lavish children with attention, favors and gifts.

The Dude wrote:Resign
Resign
Resign
Resign
Resign
Resign

They are asking for it and you will be better off. We did right before we moved from NYC to OKC because my wife and I were sick and tired of getting this "reactivation" crap in every city we've lived in for the last 15 years. We wanted it to stop once and for all and it has.

Are you still considering a move to Utah? If so you will definitely want to arrive there as an exmormon instead of an inactive.

I am still friendly with some of the ward and I do not want to cut off ties from most except for missionaries, primary presidency, and other similar efforts. I realize this is likely not realistic. I make it as awkward as possible when the missionaries come over so they have completely stopped for now.

As for job, that is not happening now so we are sticking in the dc metro area. If we moved to utah I would have changed my name, resigned, and became catholic just to be left alone by the nut cases out there...

The Dude wrote:This is how I described my reasoning to the bishop when he called and made the obligatory inquiry about why we were having our names removed.

I told him the church was like a credit card company. I hadn't used their card in 15 years and I never planned to again because I had switched to cash only. Yet the account was still there affecting my credit rating and filling my mailbox and answering machine with obnoxious offers and teasers to use the card. So I want to cancel the account. Simple as that. He had no more questions.

You might want to reframe the issue like this if you need to explain to your wife, kids, extended family, or the bishop.

brilliant analogy. I am more of the I want to continue to carry the credit card because occasionally I spend on establishing work contacts and social contacts (kids have friends in the faith at their school and I work with a member or two) so therefore I will pay some annual fees as long as the card does not jack up the interest rate. Apparently, they want to jack up the interest rate.

Drifting wrote:Ask the Bishop why he is allowing members of the ward behave like this:

Many suspected molesters engaged in what psychologists today call "grooming behavior," a gradual seduction in which predators lavish children with attention, favors and gifts.

I do plan on addressing this issue with the Bishop when we speak to each other again. Problem is that we have stopped attending Church as a family, not just me, for many months now. I believe we dropped in on a special occasion but that is the extent of activity so addressing the Bishop will require going out of my way which I do not want to do.

lostindc wrote:I do plan on addressing this issue with the Bishop when we speak to each other again. Problem is that we have stopped attending Church as a family, not just me, for many months now. I believe we dropped in on a special occasion but that is the extent of activity so addressing the Bishop will require going out of my way which I do not want to do.

This will not end until you go out of your way and are blunt with the Bshop/the people pitching up unannounced. I know you want to remain polite, but that approach will have no successful outcome for you.