The Book of Mormon Secret Decoder Ring

[_Darth J]

Thanks to the argument by assertion by revisionist apologists, we know today that the Most Correct Book On Earth That Was Written For Our Day contains a great deal of plain language that says things it is not supposed to say. It is only random coincidence that these linguistic errors appear when the Book of Mormon makes statements that are falisifiable or distasteful to modern sensibilities. Thus, "sword," "horse," "elephant," and "chariot," for example, could only be interpreted as referring to a "sword," "horse," "elephant," or "chariot" by a literalist folk Mormon rube, or an anti-Mormon critic with an ax (or possibly axe) to grind.

Many issues are clarified once we realize that God allowed Joseph Smith and/or the ancient Nephites to write down things that would lead reasonable people to question the authenticity of the Keystone Of Our Religion. One of these issues is the spurious allegation that the Book of Mormon is racist merely because it explicitly says that God created a separate ethnicity of dark-skinned people to mark them as spiritually decadent. In fact, there is one isolated example where Joseph Smith changed a verse from saying "white and delightsome" to "pure and delightsome." Based on that single change, we can conclusively assert that every single time the Book of Mormon uses the word "white," it means spiritual purity, and never refers to the color of a person's skin.

Therefore, in the Book of Mormon, the word "skin" is metaphorical, and simply means "spiritual state." Thus, "skin of blackness" does not mean that God gave one or more human beings dark skin, but rather that the person or persons in question have a negative spiritual state. In order to help everyone understand what the Book of Mormon really means, I propose that we adopt an apologetic Book of Mormon Secret Decoder Ring. That way, we will know what God really intended to be said by the Choice Seer Who Was Foreordained To Bring Forth The Most Correct Book On Earth.

We'll start with "skin." "Skin" really means "spiritual state," because I say so. So we merely substitute "spiritual state" any time "skin" appears in the Book of Mormon, and then the true meaning of the text becomes clear.

1 Nephi 17:11

Wrong:

And it came to pass that I, Nephi, did make a bellows wherewith to blow the fire, of the skins of beasts; and after I had made a bellows, that I might have wherewith to blow the fire, I did smite two stones together that I might make fire.

Right:

And it came to pass that I, Nephi, did make a bellows wherewith to blow the fire, of the spiritual state of beasts; and after I had made a bellows, that I might have wherewith to blow the fire, I did smite two stones together that I might make fire.

2 Nephi 5:21

Wrong:

And he had caused the cursing to come upon them, yea, even a sore cursing, because of their iniquity. For behold, they had hardened their hearts against him, that they had become like unto a flint; wherefore, as they were white, and exceedingly fair and delightsome, that they might not be enticing unto my people the Lord God did cause a skin of blackness to come upon them.

Right:

And he had caused the cursing to come upon them, yea, even a sore cursing, because of their iniquity. For behold, they had hardened their hearts against him, that they had become like unto a flint; wherefore, as they were white, and exceedingly fair and delightsome, that they might not be enticing unto my people the Lord God did cause a spiritual state of blackness to come upon them.

Jacob 3:5

Wrong:

Behold, the Lamanites your brethren, whom ye hate because of their filthiness and the cursing which hath come upon their skins, are more righteous than you; for they have not forgotten the commandment of the Lord, which was given unto our father—that they should have save it were one wife, and concubines they should have none, and there should not be whoredoms committed among them.

Right:

Behold, the Lamanites your brethren, whom ye hate because of their filthiness and the cursing which hath come upon their spiritual states, are more righteous than you; for they have not forgotten the commandment of the Lord, which was given unto our father—that they should have save it were one wife, and concubines they should have none, and there should not be whoredoms committed among them.

Jacob 3:8

Wrong:

O my brethren, I fear that unless ye shall repent of your sins that their skins will be whiter than yours, when ye shall be brought with them before the throne of God.

Right:

O my brethren, I fear that unless ye shall repent of your sins that their spiritual states will be whiter than yours, when ye shall be brought with them before the throne of God.

Jacob 3:9

Wrong:

Wherefore, a commandment I give unto you, which is the word of God, that ye revile no more against them because of the darkness of their skins; neither shall ye revile against them because of their filthiness; but ye shall remember your own filthiness, and remember that their filthiness came because of their fathers.

Right:

Wherefore, a commandment I give unto you, which is the word of God, that ye revile no more against them because of the darkness of their spiritual states; neither shall ye revile against them because of their filthiness; but ye shall remember your own filthiness, and remember that their filthiness came because of their fathers.

Enos 1:20

Wrong:

And I bear record that the people of Nephi did seek diligently to restore the Lamanites unto the true faith in God. But our labors were vain; their hatred was fixed, and they were led by their evil nature that they became wild, and ferocious, and a blood-thirsty people, full of idolatry and filthiness; feeding upon beasts of prey; dwelling in tents, and wandering about in the wilderness with a short skin girdle about their loins and their heads shaven; and their skill was in the bow, and in the cimeter, and the ax. And many of them did eat nothing save it was raw meat; and they were continually seeking to destroy us.

Right:

And I bear record that the people of Nephi did seek diligently to restore the Lamanites unto the true faith in God. But our labors were vain; their hatred was fixed, and they were led by their evil nature that they became wild, and ferocious, and a blood-thirsty people, full of idolatry and filthiness; feeding upon beasts of prey; dwelling in tents, and wandering about in the wilderness with a short spiritual state girdle about their loins and their heads shaven; and their skill was in the bow, and in the cimeter, and the ax. And many of them did eat nothing save it was raw meat; and they were continually seeking to destroy us.

Mosiah 17:13

Wrong:

And it came to pass that they took him and bound him, and scourged his skin with faggots, yea, even unto death.

Right:

And it came to pass that they took him and bound him, and scourged his spiritual state with faggots, yea, even unto death.

Alma 3:5

Wrong:

Now the heads of the Lamanites were shorn; and they were naked, save it were skin which was girded about their loins, and also their armor, which was girded about them, and their bows, and their arrows, and their stones, and their slings, and so forth.

Right:

Now the heads of the Lamanites were shorn; and they were naked, save it were spiritual state which was girded about their loins, and also their armor, which was girded about them, and their bows, and their arrows, and their stones, and their slings, and so forth.

Alma 3:6

Wrong:

And the skins of the Lamanites were dark, according to the mark which was set upon their fathers, which was a curse upon them because of their transgression and their rebellion against their brethren, who consisted of Nephi, Jacob, and Joseph, and Sam, who were just and holy men.

Right:

And the spiritual states of the Lamanites were dark, according to the mark which was set upon their fathers, which was a curse upon them because of their transgression and their rebellion against their brethren, who consisted of Nephi, Jacob, and Joseph, and Sam, who were just and holy men.

Alma 20:29

Wrong:

And when Ammon did meet them he was exceedingly sorrowful, for behold they were naked, and their skins were worn exceedingly because of being bound with strong cords. And they also had suffered hunger, thirst, and all kinds of afflictions; nevertheless they were patient in all their sufferings.

Right:

And when Ammon did meet them he was exceedingly sorrowful, for behold they were naked, and their spiritual states were worn exceedingly because of being bound with strong cords. And they also had suffered hunger, thirst, and all kinds of afflictions; nevertheless they were patient in all their sufferings.

Alma 43:20

Wrong:

Now the army of Zerahemnah was not prepared with any such thing; they had only their swords and their cimeters, their bows and their arrows, their stones and their slings; and they were naked, save it were a skin which was girded about their loins; yea, all were naked, save it were the Zoramites and the Amalekites;

Right:

Now the army of Zerahemnah was not prepared with any such thing; they had only their swords and their cimeters, their bows and their arrows, their stones and their slings; and they were naked, save it were a spiritual state which was girded about their loins; yea, all were naked, save it were the Zoramites and the Amalekites;

Alma 44:18

Wrong:

But behold, their naked skins and their bare heads were exposed to the sharp swords of the Nephites; yea, behold they were pierced and smitten, yea, and did fall exceedingly fast before the swords of the Nephites; and they began to be swept down, even as the soldier of Moroni had prophesied.

Right:

But behold, their naked spiritual states and their bare heads were exposed to the sharp swords of the Nephites; yea, behold they were pierced and smitten, yea, and did fall exceedingly fast before the swords of the Nephites; and they began to be swept down, even as the soldier of Moroni had prophesied.

Alma 49:6

Wrong:

Now the leaders of the Lamanites had supposed, because of the greatness of their numbers, yea, they supposed that they should be privileged to come upon them as they had hitherto done; yea, and they had also prepared themselves with shields, and with breastplates; and they had also prepared themselves with garments of skins, yea, very thick garments to cover their nakedness.

Right:

Now the leaders of the Lamanites had supposed, because of the greatness of their numbers, yea, they supposed that they should be privileged to come upon them as they had hitherto done; yea, and they had also prepared themselves with shields, and with breastplates; and they had also prepared themselves with garments of spiritual states, yea, very thick garments to cover their nakedness.

3 Nephi 2:15

Wrong:

And their curse was taken from them, and their skin became white like unto the Nephites;

Right:

And their curse was taken from them, and their spiritual state became white like unto the Nephites;

3 Nephi 4:7

Wrong:

And it came to pass that they did come up to battle; and it was in the sixth month; and behold, great and terrible was the day that they did come up to battle; and they were girded about after the manner of robbers; and they had a lamb-skin about their loins, and they were dyed in blood, and their heads were shorn, and they had head-plates upon them; and great and terrible was the appearance of the armies of Giddianhi, because of their armor, and because of their being dyed in blood.

Right:

And it came to pass that they did come up to battle; and it was in the sixth month; and behold, great and terrible was the day that they did come up to battle; and they were girded about after the manner of robbers; and they had a lamb-spiritual state about their loins, and they were dyed in blood, and their heads were shorn, and they had head-plates upon them; and great and terrible was the appearance of the armies of Giddianhi, because of their armor, and because of their being dyed in blood.

By the way, in the LDS Topical Guide to the scriptures, every single reference to "skin" obviously means the epithelial lining of a person's or an animal's body, and not once is it metaphorical. So we'll need to fix that.