naïve about the other pew fillers

[_sock puppet]

I apostatized shortly after returning from my mission.

Up to that time, the only voices of dissent from the LDS line I had heard were from known, open apostates who were no longer active, no longer attending church meetings. The one and only exception came when I was in Sunday School at age 16. It was pre-1978. The topic was about the then in effect ban on blacks from getting the priesthood. The instructor was saying it was flat out wrong. Like the good 16 year old morgbots we'd been groomed to be to that point in our lives, we 16 year olds nodded to one another and then got up one by one and walked out long before the class was to have ended. (Ironically, one of that teacher's sons is now a long-time colleague and friend. He's a faithful TBM that came to work in my law firm when he got out of law school. And though we've each since went on to different offices, we yet work together and kibitz on legal issues from time to time.)

Anyway, after my mission, on the heels of which my apostasy took full flight, I soon learned that many of the folks I'd left behind in the LDS pews were not TBMs. They were in the chapel on Sundays, but they were certainly not Chapel Mormons. It was years and years later that I first heard the term NOM.

Continuing to live in the same locale, I have had occasion to go to the funeral of many of those LDS pew fillers that at least up to the time of my apostasy, I had assumed to be TBMs. After I had realized that my Sunday School teacher might have been odd in having vocalized his dissent about the black priesthood ban but not in filling an LDS pew with disbelief, I have looked back on the old ward members to see if I might figure out which ones were which.

Many would never 'bear testimony'. Others only 'social testimonies'--how sister so-and-so or Brother Jones helped in just the right way as just the critical time. Yet others only 'sacrifice testimony'--how they debated paying tithing or their bills, paid the tithing and lo and behold, came into unexpected money to pay their bills too.

Upon reflection, some Primary, Sunday School, MIA, Scout, priesthood, etc teachers or leaders were not into the theistic aspects of being Mormon.

One of the guys I grew up with from age 3 until the time of his mission, and I thought to be the most TBM of all, came back and would have nothing to do with temple--except one time to get married there. (That marriage ended in divorce when his apostasy bloomed in full three years and two kids later.)

I guess in viewing the KSL youtube of Olympus High students getting their mission callings reminded me of that naïve time in my own life, and how the illusion of my TBM ward was shattered into dozens of shards since.

I would have appreciated a little discrete, one on one honesty from a few of them when I was a teenager.

[_cwald]

Fantastic post. Thanks.

[_Yoda]

Interesting post, Sock Puppet. Thanks for sharing.

I think this echoes what Runtu has also eluded to in his posts. He claims that what got him in trouble was that he took the Church and its tenets too seriously. His father mentioned that to him in a conversation they had. Many folks who manage to stay Mormon are if the cafeteria variety like me.

[_Sethbag]

I hear what you're saying, Sock. I was incredibly naïve myself, in fact I still am in many ways. I remember while at BYU I just assumed that everyone around me was TBM, when in fact that wasn't true at all. Sure, there were plenty of TBMs, but there were plenty who weren't, and just flew under the radar, or at least flew under my radar, so that I never knew.

I'd love to go back to my freshman time at BYU but with the naïvété all gone, and see how different everything would have looked.

by the way, I agree about the "took it too seriously" thing and its relation to apostasy. I think the reason a lot of folks don't apostatize when exposed to some of the more bothersome evidence of the church's untruth is that they didn't give a crap in the first place. If it's just a social or heritage thing with you, you don't get too worked up over the evidence it may not be true. If you care deeply about it being true, and take it seriously, then it not being true after all is devastating.

[_The Mighty Builder]

It never ceases to amaze me how many Pew Sitting Mormons are to some level apostates.

To survive the Craziness that is Mormonishness, each member will pick and choose the doctrine they follow and support. NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE who is Mormon believes all the Crap found in the Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants and the Pearl of Great Price. Even the Most Senior Corporate Leaders leave some of the Horny Holy Joe crap to the dark recesses of crapland. You have never heard a General Authority explain why Mormon Bastard Jesus was interested in the Stock Price of the Nauvoo house and how it plays an important part of the Mormon Disillusion.

[_sock puppet]

I hear what you're saying, Sock. I was incredibly naïve myself, in fact I still am in many ways. I remember while at BYU I just assumed that everyone around me was TBM, when in fact that wasn't true at all. Sure, there were plenty of TBMs, but there were plenty who weren't, and just flew under the radar, or at least flew under my radar, so that I never knew.

I'd love to go back to my freshman time at BYU but with the naïvété all gone, and see how different everything would have looked.

by the way, I agree about the "took it too seriously" thing and its relation to apostasy. I think the reason a lot of folks don't apostatize when exposed to some of the more bothersome evidence of the church's untruth is that they didn't give a crap in the first place. If it's just a social or heritage thing with you, you don't get too worked up over the evidence it may not be true. If you care deeply about it being true, and take it seriously, then it not being true after all is devastating.

I think because I took it so seriously that allowed for my break with Mormonism to be as clean as it has. For more than 28 years now, the only butt cheek impressions I've left in the LDS pew cushions have been at funerals, and a couple of weddings and nephew/niece baptisms or mission farewells.

[_sock puppet]

To my own OP--particularly the last sentence--I might add, this is the reason that I want to share a bit of honesty about the LDS history and truth claims with others. To paraphrase, 'Do unto others what I wished had been done unto me.'

[_Always Changing]

That makes you around just short of 50. You are older than I thought you were.

[_sock puppet]

Old, but not yet cold.

[_Tator]

I think because I took it so seriously that allowed for my break with Mormonism to be as clean as it has. For more than 28 years now, the only butt cheek impressions I've left in the LDS pew cushions have been at funerals, and a couple of weddings and nephew/niece baptisms or mission farewells.

I believe that is true for me also. I took it very seriously especially in youth. I wanted it to be true for so long but when I couldn't live the lie any longer it was over and the break was clean. I have never looked back. The only times I have been back were for the same reasons.

I never knew any pew fillers like you described until I made the clean break. Then I had a few that approached me in an attempt to keep me in the church or show me how to stay in even though they didn't believe it. They mentioned many members that I knew but didn't know they were pew fillers. So I was very naïve. I just couldn't do what they were doing knowing it was all a farce. I couldn't do it for job or grandma, mom, wife, kids, I just couldn't do for anyone else and still be me.

Thanks for the great post, Sock.