When is the FARMite LDS splinter group going to start?

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_Racer
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When is the FARMite LDS splinter group going to start?

Post by _Racer »

As the current MI soap opera continues to unfold in front of our eyes, I am anxiously awaiting the OMIDS to start their own Strangite/FLDS/Harmston/RLDS/Nemelka offshoot of the church.

One of these guys will receive a "revelation" that the church is in apostasy and they have been chosen to re-organize it. DCP will be Prophet with Hamblin 1st Counselor and Midgley 2nd. The FARMS devotees will all apostasize and begin following the NCOJCOLDSF (New Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saint FARMites) church.

They will have a handcart exodus to the remote UT desert where they will live a nomadic lifestyle and eat locusts and honey while preaching doom. Some old Ute cave paintings will be discovered, and it will be revealed to prophet Dan that they are a lost Lamanite record that foretells the last days and how a prophet named after the brave Daniel who was cast into the lion's den will build Zion in the desert and the city will be taken up just like the City of Enoch. Archeologists will prove the Ute cave paintings to be related to the "Buffalo Hunt". DCP and his loyal followers will claim otherwise and will point to a smudge on the cave that at one time contained the most poignant parts of the new scripture, but were lost due to centuries of erosion and weather. This smudge could only be interpreted by a Seer.

Shortly after, a resurrected Joseph Smith and BY will appear to DCP and Hambone and reveal to them that the new and everlasting covenant must be renewed and that these leaders must get down to the business of taking up more wives. DCP will send a young Bryce Haymond on a mission, and then seal himself up to Haymond's young bride, but strictly for "dynastic" symbolic purposes (wink, wink, nudge, nudge,). Haymond will enthusiastically oblige. DCP will affectionately be referred to as "Unca Dan".

It will be revealed that Schryver is re-incarnated Porter Rockwell. Unca Dan will tell him as long as he never cuts his hair he will be invincible, thus his ponytail will grow past his buttocks.

Brace yourself folks. It could possibly happen... :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Tapirs... Yeah... That's the ticket!
_harmony
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Re: When is the FARMite LDS splinter group going to start?

Post by _harmony »

Not gonna happen. (I know this post was supposed to be a joke). Not now, not ever. There's too much at stake.
(Nevo, Jan 23) And the Melchizedek Priesthood may not have been restored until the summer of 1830, several months after the organization of the Church.
_Kishkumen
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Re: When is the FARMite LDS splinter group going to start?

Post by _Kishkumen »

Not gonna happen. Never.
"Petition wasn’t meant to start a witch hunt as I’ve said 6000 times." ~ Hanna Seariac, LDS apologist
_Blixa
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Re: When is the FARMite LDS splinter group going to start?

Post by _Blixa »

Racer, could you please go back to your Tom Hiddleston avatar? Thanks.
From the Ernest L. Wilkinson Diaries: "ELW dreams he's spattered with/ grease. Hundreds steal his greasy pants."
_Doctor CamNC4Me
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Re: When is the FARMite LDS splinter group going to start?

Post by _Doctor CamNC4Me »

Welp. This is how splinter groups happen. We're just witnessing a real-time schism of Mormonism once again. Any bets on who the new Prophet will be?

- Doc
In the face of madness, rationality has no power - Xiao Wang, US historiographer, 2287 AD.

Every record...falsified, every book rewritten...every statue...has been renamed or torn down, every date...altered...the process is continuing...minute by minute. History has stopped. Nothing exists except an endless present in which the Ideology is always right.
_3sheets2thewind
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Re: When is the FARMite LDS splinter group going to start?

Post by _3sheets2thewind »

The OMID splinters last july. And DCP was complacent in the whole thing. He knows better than to actively do something, so he acts by omission by allowing a following to gather in the name of "DCP the Martyr".

He has not and never speak against hambone or ws, despite the desperate need.

DCP cleverly crafts his victimization and he knows that his worshipers will swallow ever jagged pill he gives them.

DCP, Hamblin, Ruel Scott Lloyd, McKay V Jones, WS all have shown where their loyalty is.
_Racer
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Re: When is the FARMite LDS splinter group going to start?

Post by _Racer »

Blixa wrote:Racer, could you please go back to your Tom Hiddleston avatar? Thanks.


Done. Since you have asked several times, and ever so politely.
Tapirs... Yeah... That's the ticket!
_Blixa
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Re: When is the FARMite LDS splinter group going to start?

Post by _Blixa »

Racer wrote:
Blixa wrote:Racer, could you please go back to your Tom Hiddleston avatar? Thanks.


Done. Since you have asked several times, and ever so politely.


Thank you ever so much. Love me some Tom Hiddleston and he has a good time with that cartoon role, doesn't he?

/thread jack.
From the Ernest L. Wilkinson Diaries: "ELW dreams he's spattered with/ grease. Hundreds steal his greasy pants."
_moksha
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Re: When is the FARMite LDS splinter group going to start?

Post by _moksha »

They might begin the long and arduous trek to Dunkin' Donuts once it opens in SLC.
Cry Heaven and let loose the Penguins of Peace
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