Becoming A Deacon

[_zeezrom]

I've been stuck in the question, "Have I changed in any profound way?"

Sometimes, I think, "hell yeah!" But then I realize, "Oh wait, coffee isn't very profound."

But then I realize how much more time I've had on Sundays to color, cook, sew, ski, and bike. That's profound, I guess. But then again, I used to sit at church and ponder the deeper meaning of the scriptures and then have long dreams when I fell asleep after church. I used to sleep a ton on Sundays. What happened to all that sleep? Profound?

[Guest]

I had been out of activity for nearly two years when my son turned 12.

Until then his mother had been taking he and our other children to church alone.

Prior to his interview with the bish about becoming a deacon he spoke with me about reservations that he had about such a commitment.

I told him to be honest with the bish about his feelings.

He told the bish that he did not want to become a deacon because he did not believe that Joseph Smith told the truth.

My then wife and the bish were shocked and I was, of course, elated and proud.

The bish told my wife that a good parent would not allow their child to make the wrong choice and that both her and I would be judged for his choice to not become a deacon.

Facker.

Needless to say, now years later, all of my kids way out of the reach of the cult, and that son is doing well in his second year in college and not wasting two years as a voluntary high pressure salesman for a mainstreamed cult.

[_Polygamy-Porter]

I was once where are you are now. I had to make the decision to stay or leave. I knew that leaving would not only profoundly change my life, but that of my wife and my children. Being a parent is sometimes scary.

One thing that I have learned is that children are more resilient than most of us give them credit for.

I lay awake at night pondering these changes that will impact my children. Most tell me to rip the bandaid off, but most do not understand the shunning my children will receive from their grandparents and other relatives. It is not easy to make a decision to walk away from the faith indefinitely when our kids will likely be cut off to some extent. Sad that I still desire to maintain relationships with those that may cut us off so easily.

Stop living your life and the life of your children for other people.

[_Polygamy-Porter]

I made spaghetti and meatballs for dinner tonight and used broken bread for the meatballs. While breaking the bread, I couldn't help but think that my kids may never break bread at church. They will never feel like the child in the image of the OP, where adults take them for a strange ride into the circus of the priesthood.

Indeed, this was no small realization. Expression of such thoughts presents many challenges to a once homogenous marriage. Sigh...

I never broke bread in sacrament. I passed the sacrament but never broke bread. My parents were converts. We went along for the ride. I left at approximately 15 until I was 23. I have now left again some years later, although I checked out two or three years ago. I feel mentally better. As a deacon I hated the smell of stale/cheap sacrament bread in the morning. I hated sitting next to most of the others on that pew. I always dashed for the car when Church was over. I could not wait to get back to my school friends. Hell there was only two other male Mormons in my high school. I always just denied I was Mormon. I feel more mentally whole right now, less anxious to have all the answers.

Only you can prevent your own children from living through the same hell as you did in your childhood.